A person.

I blinked at the twin demons dumbly. What was I? I'm just... some person. A college dropout who, on the verge of ****, wrote some personal stories and had an encounter with a supernatural being. But there wasn't anything supernatural about me... I was just a person, writing a story.

"Exactly!!" the two announced with excitement, tossing their hands in the air. Following that gesture with my eyes, I saw their matching panties drift into the darkness from their toss, presumably leaving them completely bare.

"Mister Player is no mere character in this story! He occupies that hallowed office known as the author, Furfur!"

"As the author, he is no mere character! He is an actual person, qualified to receive the miracle of love!"

"However!!" the two called. I felt a spotlight drop on the three of us. The entire room didn't seem to go dark, so much as it seemed to completely disappear. I felt a chill in spite of the two warm bodies pressed against me.

"Can a person love a character?" Zepar asked me succinctly, tilting his/her head so his/her blue locks fell over one shoulder.

Of course, I answered without hesitation. Of course a person can love a character. I, H. I. Player, loved these characters more than any other person did. I loved them more than any actual person in my life, family or acquaintances.

"And can a character love a person?" Furfur asked me, raising his/her blue eyes as a smile played upon his/her thin lips.

... Surely they could. That was the point of all this, wasn't it? I would bring about the miracle of one of those characters loving me.

The two glanced at each other, then back at me. "The miracle of love requires two people who can love each other!!"

The audience laughed. It felt like they were laughing at me. I was incensed. What did I come all this way for? And actually, wait: the "characters" of Rokkenjima were as real as me! Despite what I was doing to... or rather, for... them, they had once been real people! They had died too, hadn't they? Just like me!

"Put aside the question of ****, Mister Player." Zepar was looking at me seriously now. "Your witch has rescued you a moment before your untimely passing. Time has stopped for you. And on this island, this night of Rokkenjima, no **** has yet occurred!"

"And yet, no character in this story is fit to be your love!" Furfur declared as if projecting a line in a stage play. "For, you see, a character may only love other characters in the story."

"Ah! A tragic fate, which finds you star-crossed with any lover you might encounter tonight!"

"Ah! A hopeless romance, as doomed as any on this unfortunate night!"

"In short... an Anti-Fantasy Island!!" the two joked.

The two joked.

Of course. This was all a joke to them. While they knew the script and had peeked ahead, I was just a bit part staying on stage for a bit longer while showing off his throwaway lines.

I won't accept this! I told Furfur and Zepar as much. I won't accept this. I will never accept this!!

"Many such lovers fail to face the truth of their unrealized desires," Zepar retorted, drawing back from me. Even still, the arms were crossed at the chest such that making out details was impossible.

"It will take a certain miracle for yours to be realized!" Furfur declared, backing to the same distance.