A letter from home

We're welcomed by the old couple again. It's our plan to hide out here during the busy hours of the day, and return to headquarters later. The old woman is standing by the door when we shuffle in.

"Oh heavens, there are so few of you!" She cries out.

"We had a rough go of it, ma'am." Dadonov explains. The woman turns to me once she notices that I'm there.

"It's you! I have something for you!"

She disappears to a different room before coming back with a sealed envelope. My heart is racing with excitement. I know what it is.

"I didn't open it." She tells me.

I take the envelope from her with shaking hands and sit down at her kitchen table. A few gather around, Artyom and Dadonov among them, but they give me a little space. I open the envelope to take out two pieces of paper which were folded together, and start to read the one that was on top.

Dearest Tatya,

This is my mother's handwriting!

How relieved we were to finally hear from you! I feared the worst for my sweetheart, my oldest daughter. It makes me so happy to know that you are still out there and that you’re okay.

Victor is in the service now. He was here on leave just a few weeks ago. He told us that he was doing very well, and is even being assigned to the 13th Guards rifle division. Our own Victor, marching under a guard’s banner! I am proud of him but I worry for him.

So now my brother is in the service too, just like my father. I know that he is tough, but I can't help but worry for him too, with the way the war is going. Now I have to worry about both of them

Anastasia is doing her part too. She has a new job in the Tula armory. She told me that she makes rifles. How proud I am of both of them! I’m proud of you too, dear, and I can’t wait until I finally have you home.

Now that's something. It's hard to imagine. Stasia, the smart one, the sophisticated one. A pretty little girl used to ballet and violin lessons, now with her sleeves rolled up in a factory making rifles. At this point, something doesn't seem right to me. Why wouldn't mama tell me right away that everybody is okay? I haven't seen papa mentioned even once so far.

Our home is safe, the invaders were stopped short of Tula. To the north, they pushed all the way to the gates of Moscow before our brave soldiers drove them back.

I read on.

Your father was among them. The officer who gave us the news told us that he was brave until the very end, that he gave his life for our dearest motherland, that he did not die in vain.

My joy turns to ashes in my mouth. I set the letter down and stare blankly at the wall.

Artyom sits next to me and puts his hand on my shoulder. "Are you okay?" He asks me.

"My father. It can't be!"

"What can't be?" He picks up the letter and looks briefly before setting it back down and putting his arm around me.

"It's okay." He tries to console me but tears stream down my face.

"What's has you so upset?" Smirnov asks, passing by. "Is it your time of the month or something?"

"Fuck off." Artyom tells him. "She just found out that her father died."

"So?" Smirnov asks. "My father was an alcoholic and an asshole."

"You take after him." Artyom says.

"Taught me everything I know." Smirnov snorts, and leaves us.

I sit with my head in my hands. Artyom tries to comfort me. Dadonov apologizes. I don't even want to read anymore, but eventually I sit back up and **** myself to.

I hate to write to you with bad news. It seems these days that it’s the only type of news there is. Keep your faith Tatya, and be strong. This war will end. You are loved and missed by all

Mama

Well, that was rough. I might as well read the other one.

Dear Tatya,

I’m sure you’ve already read the news about our father. I was crushed. I still have a hard time believing it. I am so sorry.

I have a new job working at the armory. They have me assembling three-line rifles. You should see all the parts that come through, piles and piles of barrels and stocks, little pieces of hardware. It’s an incredible sight to see.

That's the same kind that I carry, but mine is old.

Victor was just here on leave. You should have seen him too. He looked very handsome and sharp in his uniform. I wish that you were here to help mama chase the girls away. She had her hands full, and chased them all away with whatever she could get her hands on. Shoes, brooms, pots and pans, anything. Remember how she used to have to chase the boys away from us?

The shoe. How could I forget? Mama had her hands full with two pretty daughters. She chased a lot of boys away, but it worked more on my sister than it did on me. She was always much better behaved while I was a lot more sneaky. I always found a way.

I miss my big sister. Sometimes I want to talk about things that would be too embarrassing to talk about with mama.

She wants to talk about boys, and I'm probably the only one she can really do that with. She probably wants some of my advice, like I used to give her. We would stay up late, whispering to each other while everyone else was asleep. Most of it was me telling her tales of conquest and her listening on in awe. I taught her more about men than mama would ever dare.

Speaking of mama, she is doing alright. Losing papa was hard on her, as it was on all of us. She’s been worried sick about you. You should have seen her light up when she opened your letter. She has a few more grey hairs, but she’s healthy. If you know her, she’ll be okay.

I'm happy to hear that at least mama is okay. She didn't write about her self, in fact, she hardly ever thinks of herself.

We are all waiting eagerly to see you or hear from you again. I love you.

Stasia

Well, I'm done. I put the letters down. I don't have any more mental or emotional energy. I'm simply devastated by the news. Numb. I sit in silence, staring off into space. Everybody seems to leave me alone, except for Artyom, who sits next to me but doesn't talk.

When the others sleep, I can't, no matter how hard I try. I lay on my back and look at the ceiling.