A knock at the door

You stirred groggily, stumbling out of bed. You managed to make it to the door without falling over, if barely. You opened the door, rubbing your eyes. What you saw immediately woke you the rest of the way.

For the second time in as many days, there was a short, green being at your doorstep, who came up to about your waist.

This one was dressed rather professionally, wearing a clean, if worn, business suit and tie. He looked up at you, his eyes a bloodshot yellow and full of baleful indifference.

"Kevin Douglas?"

"Uhh, yeah, that's me."

"Perfect." He walked in, pushing past you to look at your apartment. "The place seems clean and organized, though it doesn't seem to belong to anyone of particular standing. But you paid, and that's what matters."

You closed the door behind him, confused. "I'm sorry, who are you?"

The goblin turned around to look up at you again. "I'm the auditor of your marriage, here to be sure that the terms are fulfilled and that..." He pulled out a small notepad, leafing through it. "...Kimdile, was it? That they're being treated properly, and that you have either a refund or replacement if you're unsatisfied with your purchase."

You shook your head. You really should have paid more attention when you were buying your textbooks. "I'm sorry, it seems I forgot to expect you. You look weary. Why don't you sit down?"

You gestured to your couch, and the goblin grunted, making his way over, clambering up onto your couch before sitting down. You made your way over to the kitchen. "Can I offer you anything to eat or drink?"

"If you've got anything with **** in it, I'd take it. If not, whatever you have on hand."

You weren't much for drinking, yourself, but opening the fridge did reveal that you did still have some milk. You poured a glass. "Milk okay?"

"What kind?"

"Um, cow, I think."

The goblin grunted, nodding. "Good enough. Thanks."

You poured another glass and brought them over, sitting down on the couch and offering him the drink. He took the glass in both hands and drank it greedily, downing it all at once and wiping his upper lip afterwards. "Always love the way you humans keep your drinks cold. Refreshing."

He burped, handing you the glass. You accepted it, sipping from your own. The goblin sighed contentedly, then cleared his throat. "Anyways, to the matter at hand. Have you consummated your marriage yet?"

You choked on your drink, almost spilling it. You coughed for a moment, clearing your pipes before speaking. "N-no. Yesterday was busy and... there wasn't time."

The well-dressed goblin grunted, pulling out the notepad again and writing something down. "Well, it happens. Just making sure, are there any issues with the product? As I understand it, Kimdile was a candidate with... low expectations. I'm actually surprised someone picked her."

You lifted an eyebrow. "Why? What's wrong with her?"

"She's tall, she's opinionated, she's bookish, she's poorly endowed physically, and as I understand it, she's well past prime marrying age. You didn't buy her on discount though, so if you wanted to explore younger and less willful options, I can offer you an exchange for almost any of the other candidates we offer. It wouldn't be her first time being traded back."

You put your drink and the empty glass down. Kimdile had been abandoned by someone already? Who would pass up such an earnest, enthusiastic wife? "Other candidates?"

"That's right. We offer a range of candidates, starting from your world's age of consent to about Kimdile's age. Most of our candidates are much more interested in sex than she's been reported to be, and much more well-curved. We also have male candidates, if you're interested."

You raised your hands, shaking your head. "That won't be necessary. I'm very happy with Kimdile."

The goblin on your couch lifted an eyebrow. "Is that so? When you haven't even consummated your marriage? How do you know she's any good in bed?"

You took a deep breath. For some reason, you felt angry on Kimdile's behalf. It wasn't this goblin's fault, though, probably. You'd already been made aware that Kimdile was considered a less-than-attractive example among her people.

After having calmed yourself for a moment, you looked the goblin dead in the eye and shrugged. "I suppose there's no accounting for taste."

The goblin shrugged, nodding to himself. "I suppose not."

He scribbled something down on his notepad, then clambered off of the couch and made his way to the door. "Well, if that's it, I'll be on my way. I'll be back in a month to make sure you've consummated your marriage, and that Kimdile is in good health and so on. Until then, thank you for using Goblin Spouse Inc."

He opened your front door and left, closing it behind him. There was flash of light visible from around the cracks between the door and the wall, and when you checked, the goblin was nowhere to be seen. You drank the rest of your milk and put the glasses in the sink before you heard something coming from your room. You went in to investigate, only to find Kimdile sitting on the floor, naked and crying. You sat next to her, concerned. "Is everything okay?"

She immediately hugged you, clinging to your t-shirt. She seemed unable to speak at the moment, stuttering and sobbing uselessly into your shirt, so you simply patted her head with one hand, wrapping your other arm around her to return the hug. You held her for a long moment, letting her express her emotions. You thought back to what the auditing goblin had said, about her being returned for a 'better candidate'. That must have felt awful, you surmised. However many times it had happened, it couldn't have been easy to deal with. She really deserved good things to happen to her.

After Kimdile's tears dried up a little, she pulled back, finally managing to speak coherently. "Th-thank you."

"For what?"

"F-for K-keeping me."

You hugged her again. "Of course. However it happened, we're married. To me, that matters a lot. And, to be honest, you've given me no reason whatsoever to regret it."

She hugged you back, wrapping her arms around your neck and sniffling. "O-okay."

You lifted Kimdile in your arms, your hands supporting her by the thighs. She squeaked as you picked her up, blushing. You chuckled at her reaction. "Ready for breakfast?"

She nodded and you stood up, holding her still, then made your way to the kitchen. She looked confused. "Shouldn't I be making breakfast, while you get ready for the day?"

You shrugged, putting her down on the counter. "I mean, if you want to. But you don't exactly seem in a state to cook right now."

Kimdile looked down at her naked and snot-stained body, and blushed furiously. "I-I have an apron. Let me at least try."

You shrugged again. "Alright."

You helped her down from the counter, and watched as she scurried off. She soon returned, wearing the apron, albeit nothing else. She shooed you out of the kitchen. "Go on, I'm sure you have things to do."

You walked off in good humor, her earnestness warming you on the inside. You went back to your room and put some pants on. You decided that you'd go for jeans today. There were things to buy, after all. Clothes for Kimdile, some groceries, and some toiletries.

A loud sound from the kitchen coupled with a yelp from your wife had you rushing into the kitchen. On the floor, blushing furiously, was Kimdile, with a pan and some broken eggs around her on the floor. "Are you alright?"

Kimdile nodded, getting gingerly to her feet. After checking herself to make sure that she wasn't hurt, she picked up the pan and the eggshells, and started cleaning up. As she bent over doing something or other, cleaning off the floor, you got a sudden and very generous view of her bottom. It could have been your imagination, but it seemed fuller than last night. As you were staring, you also noticed a purple bruise forming on her upper thigh.

Suddenly, Kimdile turned around, and suddenly noticed you'd been staring. "Wh-what?"

You blushed at having been caught. "N-nothing. Be careful, I guess."

You decided that adding a stool to the list of things to get today was in order.