A different kind of orc

You hesitate for a little bit, looking over the different forms, but eventually pick one of the two orcs. Playing like an orc seems fun, but you're enough of a gaming geek to not want to play as a stereotype. To that end, you start modifying your orc by thinking about the changes that you want and focusing on one area of his, well yours, anatomy at a time. Starting with the face, you try to make him less ugly, and quickly your love of old movies comes through as he ends up looking like he went to the Bronson-Eastwood school of rugged masculinity and determined squinting. The teeth look kind of silly as they are, so you change those into being thicker and bigger than an ordinary humans, but not so canine anymore. And since you're pretty sure you're going to be a good guy, you get an orc-style lantern jaw of justice too, although you scale it back a little when your first try has your orc looking like Jay Leno.

You change the body too, slimming it down from a linebacker to more of a hockey player or a rugby winger, with a really solid form that gets thicker and wider the closer you get to its shoulders. The legs too, end up looking like they belong to someone whose done a lot of running.

Satisfied that you've gone from a hulking slugger into someone whose quicker and more agile but still pretty beefy, you spend a little more time on cosmetic changes, and give yourself hair that's platinum blonde to the point of bordering on being white, and skin tone that's closer to She-hulk than the Martian Manhunter.

Just as you finish those edits, a blue window pops up in front of you, stating “Additional races available: Half-orc”

“Yeah sure, let's go with that,” You say, and mentally click the OK field. Thankfully, the only cosmetic change is that the 'whites' of your eyes become a paler shade of yellow than before. Good, so you won't have to change back a whole bunch of unwanted, automated modifications due to your semi race-switch.

Next, you're about to proceed to the next part of the character creation when another blue window appears, reading “Gender modifications available.”

“What? I already picked male!” You react to the message, but then mutter “Screw it” as you read the two options appearing in front of you, and click on the one that says Customize.

When you do, a window appears next to the blank crotch of your character, showing a circumcised penis that is fully erect for some reason, with a field next to it informing you that it's seven inches long.

Not sure what to do, you slide your “hand” to the left, and watch your dick shrink as the seven turns into a six, then a five. Grinning, you indulge your curiosity by finding out how small you can make your cock. When the number next to it reaches one and your dick is little more than just the head, the read-out changes to include a blurb saying “Chosen drawback: Micropenis. Player will be given extra cybernetic implants to compensate,” and you're pretty sure that the real you is laughing out loud as you go right again. Quickly, your cock grows bigger and bigger, and since the game seems a lot more adult than you first expected, you indulge your fantasies by sliding past the seven up to eight, then onto nine, and finally into the double digits.

Even though it seems like you could still make it bigger, you stop when your cock reaches thirteen inches in length, and quickly tug it upwards with your mind, then tattoo “Lucky 13” onto its undercarriage in bold, purple letters.

With your dick almost twice as big as it was originally, and with a matching expansion in terms of girth, your balls look kind of small, and you discover that you can modify those too. Which you do, until they're the same size as a pair of lemons.

Finally done with your body, you dress it in a simple white t-shirt and put a coarse, olive drab jacket on top of that, one that reaches halfway down your thighs. Much to your disappointment, there's no shoulder patch with the flag of the Federal Republic of Germany on it. Next up, the size of your cock makes you forego jeans in favour of a pair of baggy brown combat trousers, and a pair of sturdy black combat boots. To round out the package, you opt for black leather gloves.

Next up, it's time to pick your profession, and you only need to glance at the list before you pick fighter. It's not really a question of you picking anything else.

With that done, equipment and cybernetic enhancements are next, and you chose to start with the enhancements. Rummaging through the extensive lists, you quickly find a couple of options that fit the character concept that's been forming in your head. First off, there's enhanced reflexes. Secondly, you pick a targeting computer. And finally, you pick optical shielding, which the blue pop-up blurb informs you will protect you from the effects of flashbangs and similar weapons.

You have no interest in going overboard in the amount of enhancements your character will have, and would have gone with just those three. But then you spot a separate list entitled Sexual enhancements, and the pervert in you has you checking that out before you've even finished reading what it's called. And wow, are there a lot of options, some of which leave you perplexed as to what their point would be. Eventually, you settle for Increased Stamina, Enhanced Testicles, and a Reinforced Prostate.

Going back to the previous menu, you add Pheromones too, and you're finished with the enhancements.

Or actually, there's one more enhancement you want to include, even if it doesn't technically count as one of those. Going back a couple of steps, you revisit the naked image of your intended new self and add another three inches to your cock. With the enhancements you've just selected, it just seems silly to even try to keep things even semi-realistic. In the interest of accuracy, you change your dick tattoo to read 'Sweet 16' instead.

Next up guns and other weapons, the selection of which presents you with a whole slew of options. And while machine guns, miniguns and all-round heavy, large calibre weaponry might fit a more traditional cyberpunk orc, you opt for something different, in the form of a 5,5mm calibre **** rifle that fires caseless ammo, something which inspires you to equip it with a suppressor, under the assumption that the lack of spent casings being ejected should help with the noise suppression. You get to pick from several models that fit that description, and a carbine version with the magazine well in the traditional location, rather than a bullpup configuration, seems to fit your character best.

After that, you chose a side arm, and rather than some large-calibre hand cannon, you pick a utilitarian, no-nonsense 10mm pistol with 20 rounds in the magazine, and it goes into a holster on your hip. Rounding out your arsenal is a knife with a broad, eight-inch blade holstered upside-down on the small of your back, plus a six-pack of flashbangs lined up along one strap running down your left side.

Finally, you round out your character's appearance and equipment by adding a light tactical vest – nothing too bulky, but enough to stop normal handgun bullets – a belt with several pouches round your waist, and some combat webbing strapped across your vest where magazines for your rifle can be stored and easily accessed, while also allowing your rifle to be carried concealed underneath your jacket.

All done, you click OK when the blue window pop-up appears to announce that character creation is complete, and suddenly feel yourself pulled towards your character. The world first goes a bright white, then pitch black, and then you're suddenly inhabiting your orc as he stands on the pavement of some some street rendered dark and gloomy by the monolithic skyscrapers rising high up into the air to your right, blocking out the setting sun. Which is setting, as you can tell by looking at your wristwatch.

It's all realistic to the point of being ridiculous, you think as small specks of rain land on your face, and the smell from a nearby sewer opening makes you scrunch up your nose and grimace with disgust. Instinctively, something which surprises you, you scan both ends of the street while your right hand rests on top of your pistol.

You don't see anyone, but suddenly another ethereal blue window appears in front of you, stating “Welcome, new player! Name your character, please.”

“Cutter,” you say, after quickly thinking it over, and after rejecting your other option, which was Moe Green.

“Welcome Cutter!” Another window replaces the former, going on to read “Pick your first assignment:

1. **** the Saint
2. Steal the Prototype
3. Rescue the Fox”

Looking at the screen in front of you, you can tell that there's an arrow, suggesting that there are more options to pick from.