A car is sold, or is it given away?

After the photographer had left, I figured I might as well do something productive, instead of simply hanging around on the couch all day long. Even though no exact date had been set yet, as far as I was aware, it was still only a few days until my move to the zoo.

I decided to go through my credit card statements and see what kind of services would be no longer necessary. Things like my Spotify subscription, Netflix and Amazon Prime would presumably no longer be needed. However, also things like my home insurance and cable TV could be canceled per the end of the month.

On my credit card statement I also saw my car insurance payment. Now that I had a condo in the city center, I hadn’t needed my car as much as I had before. But once I’d be in the zoo, there would be absolutely no need for it anymore.

I quickly put on some clothes to go outside and snapped some photos of my car while removing the last few personal items that were still inside. I briefly considered first driving to a spot with a beautiful landscape or something so I would have better quality photos, but decided against that. I didn’t need the highest amount of money, I simply wanted to get rid of things like this so I would be ready for moving day.

After I had gone back to my apartment I looked up online what the value of the car should be. About 4500 bucks. Hoping to sell it quickly, I simply created an ad on Craigslist for 2500 bucks. That should allow me to sell it quickly, right?

For an hour or so I kept refreshing the page with my ad. I could see that people were looking at my ad, but no one was placing any offers or attempted to contact me. I really couldn’t be patient any longer.

I updated the advert. I set the price to 1.00 and the title to “COME PICK IT UP WITHIN AN HOUR AND IT’S YOURS FOR 1 BUCK!”. Surely within less than a minute I had a reply from someone offering to come pick it up. I gladly marked the offer as accepted and sent her my address.

A few minutes later my phone rang. I recognized the number by now and saw it was the zoo’s CEO, Mr. Petersson.

“Hello Bridget, “, the director said without waiting for a reply from me, “I’m sitting here with Mr. Miller, the attorney, who is drawing up your contract. You could say we’ve hit a bit of a snag.”

“Oh?”, was all I could mutter. Afraid of what would come next.

“As you may be aware, the London zoo had a human exhibit back in 2005 as well”, I was aware of that, the director had told me before, “but now we’ve been in touch with them, and found out why it stopped prematurely. You see, it turns out that their insurance deemed having people in enclosures designed for animals to be too big a risk. Even if they went home at night.”

I wasn’t sure how this related to me. I mean, it must have sucked for their human zoo exhibit, but why bother me with little tales of history?

“Well, we’re running into the same problem. Our insurance company is basically refusing this exhibit on the same basis that it’s impossible to insure. Unless…”, the director stopped talking for a moment.

I couldn’t care less about the insurance stuff. But if the exhibit was called off, that really would be a bummer.

“Unless …”, he said, “you’re willing to sign a waiver”

“Oh sure. I’ll sign whatever is necessary, no problem!”, I said.

“I’m not sure, if you understand, “ Mr. Petersson continued, “it’s not just a waiver. Basically you’d be saying that the zoo cannot be held liable, no matter what. There could be a fire, and you could die, and we would not be liable. Even if, for example, some intern had set it intentionally inside of your enclosure. If a tiger escaped, entered your exhibit and bit off all of your limbs we could say ‘awh sucks’, and that’d be it.”

“But Mr. Petersson, you must also see it from my point, “ I said with as much authority as I possibly could, “none of the other animals can hold you liable for whatever happens. So it only makes sense that I cannot hold the zoo liable either”

“Bridget, Michael Miller here. As an attorney I really should advice against this. The other animals in the zoo are not human, like you. Signing such a waiver is really rife with risk and potential for ****. It would be the widest waiver I’ve ever drawn up.”

“Yes, I understand. But it’s really what I want and what I’m looking forward to. I know the zoo takes well care of its inhabitants and I really don’t want any kind of elevated status”, I said.

These men were really making it way too difficult for themselves with all of this legal mumbo jumbo, I thought. Wasn’t it clear what I was going for? I simply wanted to get rid of all human control that I had and let the zookeepers take care for me, just like they did so for every other animal in the zoo. In exchange I would entertain the zoo’s patrons. No more, no less.

We quickly ended the conversation. The director had sounded quite satisfied with the outcome of our phone call. The attorney, however, not so much.

About fifteen minutes later the doorbell rang. I quickly opened the door, a young woman, no more than 20 years old, was standing at the other side of the doorstep.

“You’re, uhm, naked”, was the first thing that she could say.

I looked down and saw my boobs with slightly protruding nipples and realized she was right. Going naked had become my new nature and I had totally forgotten to put something on.

“You’re the girl who replied to my ad on Craigslist?”, I asked.

“Yes”

“Okay, let me put something on real quick”

I quickly put on my bathrobe that was lying on my living room floor and walked back to the front door where she was still standing patiently.

“Shall we take a look?”, I asked. Together we went downstairs to the apartment buildings’ parking lot.

“It’s a nice car. It hasn’t ever given me any problems. The tank is even half full”, I tried my best care salesman impersonation.

“So, you’re really selling it for 1 dollar?”, the girl asked. Wondering if there was a catch.

“Yeah, I’m going to prison – sort of - next week, and I need to get rid of the car before then”, the thing about the prison was maybe not entirely accurate, but I didn’t feel like to explain what was going on, exactly.

“Oh, I’m so sorry for you! You seem like a good person”, the girl who was buying my car said.

She seemed maybe a little naive, but also really sincere. She’s a sweet girl, it felt good giving my car pretty much away to her.

“It’s yours if you want it to be”, I said.

She looked at me as if she had gotten the biggest surprise ever, perhaps it was.

“Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!”, the girl said while almost dancing around me.

“Here”, she said while handing me a one dollar bill.

I didn’t care for the money, it’s not like I need to buy groceries or pay a mortgage once I’m in the zoo. But at least now she could say that she had paid for it.

Quickly I signed the title and gave her the keys. We said goodbye and she drove off.

Yet another thing I could cross off my todo list.