A big 'fuck you'

I didn’t think it would be this way. I didn’t want it to be this way. You know I love you and I will always love you, but I couldn’t keep doing it like that. We kept saying we were a couple, but we really weren’t. I guess I just realized it before you. _I know what I did was wrong, and I get that, but you have to understand how things looked to me. I never saw you. Nobody did. Then suddenly you just come back and expect us to act like nothing happened. We weren’t dating, we just said we were. Every time you’d touch me it didn’t feel like my boyfriend was touching me it felt like an alien. I’m sorry but that feeling isn’t what I wanted.
I tried to tell you, but you’d just turn your back and act like I was a bitch for wanting things to be like they used to be, and I hate you for that. So here. I’m going to do the right thing and put the ball in your court. This is my side of this bullshit. You came back from the fucking dead and couldn’t even tell me what happened and so I end up pouring my heart out to some guy named Evan at a convocation party. Turns out all I needed to lose my panties was someone who would listen. And yeah, that’s how long I’ve been seeing other guys. Since January of last year. I didn’t get with them because of some malicious desire to hurt you but I just wanted to feel something.
I thought Evan would be the first one and the last. I thought it was a bad decision but after that it was like I didn’t need to think about you or any of the bullshit excuses you would give me whenever I wanted to spend time with you. All I wanted was some sort of intimacy and I can’t fucking explain why I didn’t tell you. Maybe I did and you didn’t listen. Whatever. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. I hate you. I couldn’t be around you anymore Sam. I just couldn’t. Maybe one day, if I should even hope this, you can come clean and tell me your side of things, but until then, please don’t look for me.