A Reader's Crusoe

“Hm, this is a dilemma.”

“Tell me about it Marcie, I thought we were finally DONE!”

“Oh, actually sumedokin requested this review three months ago, so this was always coming.”

“Ugh.”

“But you see this is a sequel to Allison ( Maze of Women ) but also branches of from “A scientific journey starring Elizabeth Wilcox.”

“...who?”

“You know the Bad End girl from warden.”

“Oh! That other wall breaking fuck! Fantastic.”

“And you see, Gina, this is my dilemma. Where do I place the story? Do I put it under “A scientific journey?” “Maze of women?” Or do I open a completely new branch?”

“Marcie, I can’t even articulate how little I care.”

“Well, you are as helpful as ever. Oh, I know! I just link both threads together! Ho Ho Ho, delightfully devilish, Marcie!”

“Yeah sure, glad that predicament got sorted out.”

READING IN PROGRESS (BGM)

This time the opens slowly to a slant, and a stout, pale man with unkempt gray here peeks out through large golden round glasses, resting on the very ridge of his nose, with tired, emotionless eyes.

“Multiple typos within one, offensively verbose, sentence. My, how pretentious.”

“Holy fuck were are the spaces in this thing?”

“Hm yes, there is a distinct lack of spaces between sentences. I couldn't even replicate this, so I had to take a picture."

“And this is just a small snippet. This shit goes on like this for the entire chapter!”

“Ah, wait there is one space in the middle of the chapter. And from there it seems sumedokin kinda fixed it?”

“This is the most obnoxious wall of text I ever encountered. Usually fuckers who do this are too retarded to realize what they are doing. Sumedokin is fully aware how the squiggly arrow button works and is STILL not using it properly!”

“I suppose we should start discussing the plot, Gina.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“After you.”

“Ugh, this is another story of Elizabeth Wilcox who travels to Alaska for some Christmas party or other bullshit when suddenly she gets attacked by an evil cult who wants to bring back Cthulhu!”

“Elizabeth really doesn’t have a good track record when it comes to the Lovecraft mythos. Interestingly enough this story takes place a few years after “A scientific journey. So maybe she survived that ordeal after all?”

“Pretty sure, she fucking died, Marcie.”

“Anyways, after witnessing an Aurora Borealis Elizabeth gains the power of both premonition and time stop to battle this cult who consists of about seven, mostly out of shape, middle aged men.”

“Kinda op powers and kind of a shitty cult for Cthulhu. Also, there will be no sex in this story. Don’t need fucking premonition for this.”

“Truly, when it comes to omnipotent powers I got the short end of the stick.”

We were taken from this world and were guided towards a different way, one without the calamities of human decency. "

As Conrad's hazy eyes land on the couple making out, his face warps into a fierce scowl. The revolver under his jacket thirsts for the blood of this afront to decency, and an unbearable itch extends over the skin of Conrad's trigger finger.

“So what is it? Do you hate or like decency? Make up your mind, evil cult!”

“The cult almost succeeds in killing Elizabeth, but falls into the tried and true trope of monologue before finishing off the hero.”

“Wow, these guys are pathetic.”

“And in true ironic fashion, their zealot intent to kill Elizabeth is exactly what ultimately screws over their plan of world ruination.”

“Since the evil cult makes it very clear that living in this new world will be a fate worse then ****, Elizabeth takes it upon herself to stop them. Good job, you fucks!”

“I like Elizabeth. In general authors struggle to portray a female character that is both feminine and assertive.”

“Like myself!”

“...right.”

“So, Elizabeth rows to an evil island where the evil cult is planning to resurrect their evil god. And there she runs into...sigh...Allison.”

“Indeed.”

“…”

“What is it, Gina?”

“You know, I was expecting Allison to pop up just about now with that obnoxious voice of hers.”

“True, well let’s make the best of it then. So, as it turns out, Allison is apparently capable of time travel.”

“Of course she fucking is. You know, at this point I feel kinda bad for the cult. They are so absurdly outmatched it’s not even funny.”

“Together, they stop the evil cult, rescue Elizabeth’s brother(which the evil cult kidnapped) and save the world.”

“The End! Well actually no it isn’t, because now the story turns into a fucking Christmas romcom with Allison and David falling in love!”

“Ah, David is Elizabeth’s aforementioned brother.”

“Also, Allison becomes the protagonist now. Fucking gloryhog.”

“Hm yes, it is quite the bizarre shift in tone and if you didn’t read the prior installment in which Allison had a basketball match against Mario and Luigi in order to gain Lebron James help you would be hopelessly lost.”

“Which, you know, IS IN A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT BRANCH!”

“So, we meet the Wilcox family and yeah, from here on out, it’s pretty much a slice of life story. It’s not bad mind you. I would even call it quite wholesome. But it is a pretty stark shift in tone.”

“You know, Marcie. This would have been the opportunity to introduce a sex scene. Allison is a pervert with a bondage fetish, which is mentioned often. And the story even teases that she and David might get it on. But it just never happens!”

“Hm, maybe sumedokin is too embarrassed to write sex scenes?”

“Probably. Fucking pussy.”

“Eventually, Allison decides to leave David before she could fall in love with him. Reason being that he will be conscripted into World War One and die.”

“Wow! This just got dark!”

“I suppose this explains why Allison isn’t here.”

“But Allison had time travel powers! Couldn’t she just stop the war from breaking out?”

“Hm, you know. Don’t mess with the space time continuum and all that.”

“Bleh. Last chapter has Allison getting kidnapped by the leader of the cult and then some world ending lizard wakes up from a coma.”

“I mean, there’s also an art gallery.”

“Who cares! What kinda shitty ending is that?”

“Well, the story is called Bad Ends, so...”

“So, in the end all the shit Allison went trough didn’t even fucking matter. The fuck even happened to Lebron James?”

“As a matter of fact, I do have it on good authority that sumedokin is working on a sequel.”

“Oh, let me guess, it’s another fucking branch! I bet he think he’s cute.”

“We can do a follow up in due time. So, Gina, what do you think about this installment in the Allison saga?”

“It was all over the place, but still less all over the place then last time.”

“I can share the sentiment. The beginning was a bit rough, but eventually sumedokin turned down the verbosity and it became a pretty engaging narrative. We skipped over it but there where some excellent action scenes in this. I do think sumedokin struggled a bit with the reintroduction of Allison, though.”

“And in writing sex. Maybe in part three he finally gets around to it.”

“Well, sumedokin, you are on odd fellow. But I must say, you spin a good yarn.”

“I’m personally kicking the next person who requests a review in the balls.”