A Proclamation on the Family

You leave your mom and Janalee to deal with Cami. They appear to have a lot more experience treating dead drunk girls than you do. And you have some writing to do.

You start with The Book of Mormon, returning to the story of Nephi. The story barely mentions his sisters. You flesh out their characters. Quite literally. They aren't in the wilderness more than a day before they start boning Nephi and his brothers Sam, Lamen And Lemuel. Their father Lehi rebukes them, but Nephi tells him The Lord said it was all right and Lehi goes off into the wilderness and comes back with confirmation and asks if he can watch.

It's good. But is it enough? What you did last night was enough for your mom, but she was also drunk off her ass. You decide to hedge your bet. You turn to the D&C.

Section 69 is a tragically boring clerical 'revalation'. You erase the whole thing and replace it with:

"Hearken unto me, saith the Lord, your God, concerning the Saints and how they are to bed. Behold, it has been said among the gentiles that a man should not lie with his sister, neither with his mother. But I the Lord saith unto thee, trust not in the words of the gentiles! For as I, the Lord thy God am They Father in Heaven, even so are all mine children brothers and sisters. Thus, if a man lieth with a woman, he lieth with his sister. Yay, even if he lieth with his mother, he lieth with his sister."

"If unto a man every woman is a sister, how should a man lie with a woman if this is sin? Verily, it is not so! For I, The Lord, did make Eve as a sister for Adam that she might lie with him, yay, and with all their sons, that the world might be peopled. "

"Therefore, I, The Lord thy God, say unto you, my people, when any among you should come of age, let them take pleasure in the flesh of all the Saints. For I, The Lord, delight in the sound of thy fucking! And the sound of a sister fucking her brother is especially pleasing unto The Lord."

"And to the Sisters of the Church I say, be generous. Take the manhood of thy Brethern unto thy lips, yay, and even into thy mouth and yay, verily, even down thy throat, for hard cock is a blessing unto thee and you shall be rewarded for thine efforts, yay, and if thou shalt swallow, thy reward in Heaven shall be great! For unto every woman that swallows shall all sins ce forgiven and I the Lord shall pour blessings upon her head!"

You grin, impressed with your growing ability to re-write scriptures. You're about to close the magic book and see how it effected Cami and Janalee when you see it out of the corner of your eye.

Your grandmother had cross stitched a boarder to go around a framed print out of The Family: A Proclamation to the World. Your parents had insisted that you hang it over your desk. You've ignored it until now.

It was published in 1995, so it isn't in your magic tripple. A homophobic and sexist response to growing civil rights among gays and women, it had become effectively new scripture.

But there were plenty of empty pages at the end of the Pearl of Great Price. No reason you can't make a better proclamation become 'old' scripture.

"We, the First Presidency and the Council of the Twelve Apostles of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, solemnly proclaim that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and that the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children."

"Truly, it is within the bonds of family that we learn to take joy in one another, to give joy to one another, yay, and even how to fuck one another. It is withing the family that young men learn how to pleasure their eternal companions by pleasuring their sisters and their mothers. It is within the bonds of family that young women learn to take pleasure in their bodies and to tell their brothers how they wish to be fucked, that the bonds of family might bring them together and that they might be a blessing unto one another."

"In the premortal realm, spirit sons and daughters of our heavenly parents were matched by compatibility and placed in family units so that brothers and sisters might pleasure each other and, in the fullness of time, they might go forth and pleasure the whole world."

"We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of sex in society."

You close the book and look up at the framed poster. Your words now appear there. And the cross-stitch border your grandmother made is now covered with genitals instead of flowers.

And then you notice there is a pair of crotchless panties covered in royal blue sequins on your desk and you suddenly realize you are not alone in your room as a soft moan comes from behind you.