9 - Coming to Terms

I took a deep breath.

It... seemed to have worked? My text message history with Alyssa was much longer than it had been before. I scrolled to the very top. As I scanned through our exchanges, I realized I was blushing a little.

I scrolled through years and years and years of meetups and hangouts and arguments about movies and video games and whose turn is it to bring the weed and which anime character deserved to be called 'best girl'. Conversations Alyssa always began or ended with a long series of kissing emoji. Among other things.

Years and years of selfies together, me with my perfect hair and as little clothing as I could get away with stretched across my four huge breasts, and her beside me, a little shorter and a little chubbier, always in loose-fitting shirts and jeans, or, when the weather allowed it, a big black hoodie that framed her round face along with her messy black bangs. In more than a few of them, she was practically glued to my side, squeezing my tits between us like a pack of giant marshmallows, smiling brightly into the camera. I'd never realized how cute she was.

And years, just a couple years back now, of winking emojis and suggestive selfies, 'see you tonight >:)' and 'can I come over <3' - From both of us.

I thought back to those long nights at her parents' house. In the old reality, or two or three realities back, maybe, Alyssa's realization and acceptance that I would never be more than a friend, and my feelings of guilt, that I wasn't quite who my best friend hoped I could be, defined a summer of bitter teenage angst. Those feelings seemed silly now. Evidently things had gone differently this time.

I scrolled wistfully though the last year of texts. I started to tear up a little.

I wondered if this was the only way it could have gone. Maybe there was no way me and her could stay friends, unless we were also lovers. Maybe her unrequited affection and my stupid, stupid self-serving attitude were always bound to push us apart otherwise. Maybe this was for the best.

Then again, there was no reason the app had to change the whole region's climate just to keep me from being a little cold. I mean, I'm not complaining, but what was the point of that? Just so I could wear even less? So there had probably been other options for this one too.

I wondered if Katy Parson was still in the picture. Maybe I had her number now?

I let out a frustrated sound somewhere between a groan and a sigh.

Fucking stupid goddamned horny-ass magic reality app made me gay.

Fuck.

I sighed. Maybe it really was for the best. My friendship with Alyssa, at least, the one that I remembered, was already closer and more fulfilling then any of the handful of short relationships I'd had with boys. They were all just after my body (not that I could blame them), or else they were in it for bragging rights, so they could say they'd hooked up with "you know, the girl with four tits. You know the one. Have you seen her lonelyfans? I mean holy shit."

I didn't know how my last couple of changes had changed that, but I'm sure it was more of the same.

So, yeah. Boys were fun. But none of them had shown me anything like a serious relationship. Her, though...

She really was my best friend, even before I had, apparently, made that an immutable fact of the universe. Or however this thing worked. The more I thought about it the more I realized Alyssa really was almost everything I thought I was looking for in a guy. She was energetic, thoughtful, and a bit of a dork (or maybe more than a bit), but not a recluse. Her family already hated me (last I knew), and mine loved her. She was near the top of almost every class in her Comp Sci major.

And, I was coming to realize, she really was just awfully cute. Even though I usually preferred someone who was taller than me.

I'd never thought about it like that before, of course - How could I? I wasn't into girls, and that was that. But. Well. I guess that wasn't that anymore.

Weird.

I gathered myself, pulled up Alyssa's number on my phone, and gave her a call.

The phone rang twice, and then twice more. I was being rude calling her out of nowhere, but hopefully she'd understand. If I started typing out what I wanted to ask in a text, I'd never work up the confidence to send it.

The phone rang a few more times, and then stopped.

"You have reached the voicemail inbox of Alyssa Barnes. This mobile customer's voicemail box is full. Goodbye."

Dammit. Fine. Alright. I exited the phone call and landed back on our text conversation.

Before I could decide what to do next, I saw three dots appear to indicate she was typing a message. Then they disappeared, and appeared again.

"one sec"

Okay. I waited. I stood up and started wandering toward the cries of seagulls, coming across the parking lot. I used to cut through this way coming from the freshman dorms. The area seemed different - and it wasn't just the weather. The layout was wrong, (this parking lot used to be bigger, didn't it?) and the lay of the land was different. The ground seemed to slope gently... downwards.

As I reached the other end of the parking lot, and a loose screen of palm trees sheltering a sandy footpath, My phone began to ring. Alyssa was calling me back.

"Hey hot stuff! Mmmwwah!"

I could almost feel her lips on my cheek as she greeted me with an exaggerated kiss over the phone. Or maybe it was just the heat. I reminded myself she did that to everybody now.

"H-hey Alyssa. Sorry to call you out of nowhere. It's just-"

"Huh? you know I don't mind. I just had to step out of class. Figured whatever you've got going on is more important than learning what a derivative is for the third time in my life. Is this about the, uh, cool app you showed me this morning?"

Okay, she remembers it. That makes it easier.

"Yeah, I mean, kind-of?, I mean yes- I need to- Alyssa, Are we-" My breath was caught in my throat.

"Calm down Lori, just take a breath."

I took a deep breath. Graciously, she gave me a second to compose myself.

"Okay, take your time. You know you can ask me anything, right?"

"Okay... Okay." I breathed for a minute. Still walking down the path, I emerged from the treeline to overlook the shoreline, and a pale, sandy beach that extended as far as I could see in either direction. A scattering of benches, picnic tables, and a simple metal fire pit filled with charred scraps of wood and old ash were set into the crystal-white sand, halfway down. A warm, salty breeze blew in from the sparkling water. Someone's backpack and an empty ukulele case were resting abandoned against a piece of driftwood. The place was, for the moment, deserted. As I made my way down into the sand, I noticed for the first time the strappy little sandals that had replaced my loafers... Which, I recalled, had replaced my sneakers just a few hours earlier.

Alyssa was still listening patiently on the line when I settled down on a picnic table bench, looking down the beach (to the west, I guess?) towards a scattering of people in the distance.

Finally, I asked her.

"Alyssa, are we together? I mean like, Together-Together. Are we a couple."

I could hear her stifle a laugh. "Not really? Yes? Kind of? We talked about this!" She giggled for a moment. Then she went quiet. "OH!!! I get it. You changed something with that app and now you're trying to make sure we're still besties. That's so sweet of you!"

"Well-"

"Hey, Don't worry! We're about as tight as anyone, you haven't wished us apart or anything. Maybe it's that 'Power of Friendship' the animes keep going on about. Our bond is too strong for some world-changing alien program to break!" She giggled at her own joke. Cutely.

"That's... that's not what I-"

She started laughing again, suddenly.

"Or, wait, oh, wow, were we like, married or something before? Wow, that's a trip. Me in the long white dress, You with your tits sticking out the front of a tuxedo, me getting lost in your eyes as a priest declares us wife and wife, you ripping the dress off of me just as soon as we can get away... Good luck getting my dad to pay for it though."

Joking aside, that... did sound nice. I'd grown up with the same chick-flick white-wedding romantic fantasy as any girl, sue me. I guess I always thought I'd be the one wearing white, but...

...And, I slowly realized, this Alyssa definitely already knew that about me. She was teasing me. Dammit.

The giggling calmed down as she seemed to notice my silence. "...what?" She asked.

"Alyssa, I wasn't gay before. I wasn't into girls. I think I am now."

Now it was Alyssa's turn to be silent for a while, for at least a minute, broken only by a single "...Huh."

A sheepish-looking, heavyset man with a thin mustache came running barefoot out of the trees, dressed in swim trunks and a grey T-shirt. He retrieved his backpack and ukulele case, and left just as quickly. He hardly seemed to notice me.

A seagull landed on the edge of the fire pit, pecked curiously at someone's discarded candy wrapper, and then flew off.

"huh."

The drawn-out awkward silence was becoming painful. "It- it was an accident," I said, before I realized that was probably worse.

I could hear Alyssa take a deep breath on the other end of the line. "Okay... Damn. Okay. Walk me through how... that happened."

So I explained, how we had been, as far as I could recall, platonic best friends since high school. I explained how the command about my clothes that changed the whole region into a tropical paradise (Alyssa seemed delighted at the concept, even when I explained how scary it was that it was blown out of proportion like that), and then, when I discovered that we'd had a falling out in that timeline, I explained how I'd commanded the app that we should "always be best friends, no matter what." And now we were... what? Lovers? In an open relationship? Friends with Benefits? And now I was gay. And now I was trying to come to terms with being gay while on the phone with my best friend who oh-by-the-way I'd been intimate with for who knows how long.

I trailed off at that point. Alyssa sighed.

"Yeah, that's... surreal..."

She was silent for a while, and then let out another goddamn adorable little giggle.

"Okay, I'm sorry. That really does sound like a difficult experience. That's got to be awfully confusing, and I don't think there's a way to discover your sexuality that isn't confusing, and that's before figuring out you have a whole... different history now..." She paused, and I realized she was waiting for me to respond. The best I could muster was a wistful "yeah...."

She went on.

But 'Friends with benefits' is closest. But more like 'Besties-slash-fuckbuddies'. 'Lovers' is not far off though. We have been talking about moving in together after college, when you go to law school. Which if you really wrote 'always' and 'no matter what', like you said... that might be guaranteed now. I wonder if we can even die now. I mean, if we're going to be best friends literally forever."

I... hadn't thought of that. She was so smart and thoughtful and understanding. Oh my god. If I wasn't blushing before I was now.

There were certainly worse people to accidentally magic yourself into a permanent lifelong partnership relationship with, if that's what this was.

"But to answer your question, we're not, like, a couple couple. It feels weird saying it like you don't already know, but I guess you don't - I'm dating Katy-"

God DAMN it. Just my luck.

"-wait, do you remember Katy Parson? We met her at a party back in March-"

"Yeah, I know who she is."

Alyssa seemed to detect a coldness in my tone which I honestly didn't intend. Honest.

"Ooookay. Anyway we've been seeing each other since May. Its getting, like, medium-serious? I'm spending most weekends at her place now. She gets that you and I are a package deal, and she likes it, a lot. You know she was subscribed to your LonelyFans? You... did have a Lonelyfans before, right?" I confirmed that I did. "Well, Me and Katy are kind of an item now. But you're my, like, permanent hall pass, basically. You're, uh, her hall pass too, actually. You're kind of our third. Except not really, cause Katy says you're 'flighty' or whatever. Her words, not mine."

Well, maybe that wasn't so... Hey!

"...What do you mean, 'Flighty'!?"

"Her words, not mine. Sorry. Love you."

I mumbled something back that I hoped sounded a little like "Love you too."

At my request, Alyssa explained some of our backstory. We'd been born outside Seattle still, but now on the same day, in March. Our dads made friends in the hospital waiting room and a conversation about school districts revealed our families lived almost next door to each other. Of course that led to play dates, and we were in all the same classes all the way up through middle school. We were friends from literally the first day.

And then, one late summer night in high school, in my dad's old Chevy, as the sun set over the Puget Sound, with her hand on my thigh, she told me she didn't like boys. She told me she liked me. We took each others' virginity that night. It sounded beautiful. I wondered if my dad still had that truck.

Alyssa paused several times in the retelling. I realized she only remembered one version of me, the one that had lived in this world where we were ordained to always be together. I could tell it was hard for her, telling these stories as if I hadn't been there. The Lauren who was had been... replaced?

I told myself not to think of it that way.

Halfway through comparing our memories of our senior trip (mine, of going to LA, hers of sun-bleached tropical Spokane, Washington, America's gateway to the northwest sea), She interrupted herself suddenly.

"Oh! and one other thing. You keep saying you're gay now. That's... not quite right."

Even I could tell how awkward it was telling me about my own sexuality in such blunt terms.

"Sorry?"

"yeah, you're actually bi. Its, like, sixty-forty? maybe seventy-thirty. Like, you don't get with guys much but its not, like, never. Look, I know this isn't the usual way to find that out, but-" She paused for a second, and then gasped suddenly. "Ah! holy shit! Oh wow! Hey, Lori, check your phone."

I did. My heart skipped a beat.