38. Figuring things out

That was weird. Seeing my own reflection and then something that felt almost like a glimpse of my future. I knew it couldn't have been real. My mind had to be playing tricks on me. Everything that had happened over the past few days, everything I'd just discovered, and the state I was in right now had probably pushed me further than I realized. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and desperate for answers. It wasn't surprising that my own mind had started turning all of that into something strange.

Maybe the mirror had simply reflected what I was already thinking deep down. One possibility showed me confronting my wife and walking away from her. The other showed me doing something I couldn't even bring myself to think about without feeling ashamed. Two different possibilities, two different paths, both somehow connected to what I chose to do next.

I didn't know which one would become reality, but I couldn't shake the feeling that one of those moments was going to come my way sooner or later. As if I'd been given a glimpse of two possible destinies, and now the choice was mine to make.

What I chose to do next would decide everything.

I left Ray's house and started making my way home, but as soon as I reached my street, my thoughts wandered back to what had happened here only a few hours earlier. I slowed down and looked toward the side of the house.

That must have been the place where Ray was standing...

I looked toward the spot, imagining it in my head. Ray standing there. And my wife right here…

I could feel the anger sparking inside me, but this wasn’t the time to lose control.

I stepped through the gate, but the moment I did, another memory hit me. My eyes moved toward the place where I'd seen her sucking off the old man, near the fence, and the anger inside me grew even stronger. I clenched my jaw, trying to push the image away, but it was burned hot into my mind.

I hated that feeling.

I felt betrayed. Defeated. Humiliated.

And yet, beneath all of that, there was another feeling I didn't want to acknowledge. A uncanny, unwanted arousal that still refused to leave me alone.

…

…

I felt disgusted with myself for even having that reaction. I wanted the feeling gone, but it lingered stubbornly, mixed together with the anger and humiliation until I couldn't tell where one emotion ended and another began.

I finally forced myself to keep walking.

By the time I reached the front door, I was nervous, angry, and still carrying that humiliation with me.

Act normal.

That was the first thing I told myself.

I couldn't walk in there and suddenly behave like everything had changed. Not yet. I needed to think. I needed to understand what had really been happening before I made any decisions I might regret.

For now, I would watch her. I'd pay closer attention to the little things, the way she behaved, the things she said, where she went, and how she reacted to me.

I stood there for a moment, taking a slow breath before stepping inside. This house… it disgusted me. Even though everything looked clean and normal on the outside, somehow my soul could feel it. I could feel the things that had happened here behind my back, the things I had never known about until now.

As I closed the door behind me, my wife appeared with a warm smile on her face, just like usual. The first thing I noticed wasn’t her face, it was her clothes. They were different from the ones I'd seen through the video call. Of course. She couldn't exactly walk around me with all that stench the old man had left on her clothes and body.

Heh...

I felt like crying.

The wound in my chest burned deeper than I could have imagined. I tried to return her smile, but I couldn't. She asked me how the meeting had gone, and honestly, I didn't feel like answering. I wasn't in the mood to talk to her at all. But I couldn't blow my cover just yet.

“Yeah... been very hectic,” I replied, forcing the words out with a faint frown on my face as I moved past her.

“Go and sit. I'll get some water for you, and I'll bring your medicines too.”

I didn't reply. I simply walked into the living room and sat down on the couch.

Incredible.

The way she tried to act like she cared about me. As if everything was normal. As if nothing had happened…

A few minutes later, neither she nor the water had arrived. She'd said she'd get me some water, but she was taking her time. Too much time.

Does it really take this long?

I started getting restless.

I knew she couldn't possibly be fucking with someone at that moment, but I still needed to see her. I needed to know what she was doing and why it was taking her so long. Instantly, I got up and walked toward the kitchen.

When I reached there, I saw her typing something on her phone. She was so absorbed in it that she didn’t even notice me standing there.

What is she typing?

THUMP. THUMP

Is she... is she chatting with someone?

THUMP. THUMP.

No... please, no.

I took a careful step forward, trying not to disturb her. I wanted to see what she was doing without letting her know I was there.

But before I could get close enough, whatever she had been typing came to an end.

She suddenly looked up and noticed me.

Her expression changed immediately.

“Wh-what are you doing here?”

I could hear the nervousness in her voice. That slight edge was something I'd probably have ignored again if Ray hadn't opened my eyes. But now, I noticed it crystal clear.

For a moment, I wanted to snatch the phone from her hand and see exactly what she had been typing. I wanted to know who she was talking to and what she had been saying. But not yet. I'd already decided that I was going to observe her, and that's exactly what I was going to do.

Alright. I'll play this little game of hide and seek with you.

But for how long? I'm not sure.

“Oh, you didn't bring the water,” I said, keeping my voice as casual as I could. “I was wondering what was taking you so long…

…

Were you texting someone?”

The look on her face was almost laughable.

Her eyes widened, completely caught off guard by my sudden question. But before she could even look for an answer, I gave her an easy way out.

“So, what did Lina say?”

She stared at me, followed by a brief flash of relief on her face.

“Y-yeah... Lina. She was asking about you, and I was just telling her that you're okay now.”

I simply nodded, pretending to accept the answer.

She quickly picked up the glass of water and handed it to me. “Here. Let me get your medicines.”

And before I could say anything, she anxiously walked off.

I shook my head as I watched her leave.

How long are you going to keep doing this?

Then another thought crossed my mind.

No... how long am I going to keep doing this?

Paying attention to every little detail of hers was important. I needed to watch her, understand her behavior, and figure out why exactly it happened.

But what about me?

I needed to pay attention to myself too.

Those disgusting emotions that kept surfacing whenever I saw or imagined my wife intimately with someone else... I couldn't keep pretending they weren't there. I had already seen enough to know that something inside me was responding to all of this in a way I didn't understand.

I needed answers.

But thankfully, I didn't have to go somewhere else to find them. They weren't with Ray, or anyone else. They had been inside me all along, buried beneath everything I'd spent so long trying to ignore.

I just had to be brave enough to look for them. And I hoped, more than anything, that I'd be able to find some kind of answer. Some kind of solution to whatever was happening inside me.

Because if I couldn't...

I didn't even want to imagine what kind of life was waiting for me.