3.1 - In Control

Weeks turned into months, and Sage was determined to keep her promise. There would be no next time. There could be no next time. While Jeremy had made it clear that he had enjoyed the previous encounter, even going as far as to tell Sage he had recorded it. It made no difference to how she felt.

“I was out of control Jeremy, I told him to stop… he didn’t stop… I…” Sage sat in despondence, her hands playing with her coffee mug. It was Sunday, and neighbors mowing their lawns, grilling, and laughing were heard outside. Jeremy and Sage sat somberly at their kitchen table, the bright warmth of wealthy living blanketing their peculiar sexual situation.

“Consent is everything,” Jeremy agreed, letting out a sigh of disappointment. Sage caught it, and couldn’t help but feel a welling of anger and guilt.

“But I liked it, Jeremy. David could tell… he could tell I wanted him to continue…” Sage shook her head, “It’s so fucking confusing, I hate how much I liked it.”

“Why do you hate it so much?” Jeremy asked, his hand resting on Sage’s. She shrugged and looked over at their large bay windows.

“I Don’t know, I guess… I guess it’s because I enjoyed being out of control. He was dominating me, he pushed against me. It was so hot… so fucking hot…” Sage trailed over, remembering David’s thick fingers rubbing against her. “But being out of control is dangerous, what if it goes too far? What if I end up ruining what we have?”

Jeremy nodded, “I mean… if I were being honest. I kind of liked it too, being out of control I mean. Knowing that this other man is taking as much as you’ll give, and knowing how much of a dick he is about it too. Was he an ass afterward?”

“No, that’s what’s bothering me even more. He was an angel. His texts have been very respectful too.” Sage replied.

“Still texts every day?”

“No, actually. He only texted me once, it was a long one, about a week after everything had happened. Basically, he just said how sorry he was, and would understand if our fling was over.”

“That was it?” Jeremy asked, sounding disappointed David hadn't tried to do more.

“Jeremy,” Sage said with a reprimanding tone.

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Jeremy replied.

“I swear to God between the two of you… yes, that was it. He ended it by saying if I wanted to give him a second chance to give him a call.” Sage said.

“He sent us that gift basket too…” Jeremy added.

“Oh god yes, the fucking ‘sorry I finger banged and face fucked your wife too hard, here’s some german chocolate’ gift basket,” Sage said mockingly.

“Well, it was good chocolate,” Jeremy replied. They both broke out into laughter, the release of tension was more than welcome. Sage shook her head and sighed.

“How fucked up are we? How normal is all this?” Sage asked. Jeremy shrugged.

“I’ve been asking the same thing. It’s not something you can just talk to your friends about, is it? I’ll say this much, I know it was fucked up that David didn’t follow the rules, but would you say it is true that you were at least still giving consent?” Jeremy asked.

“That’s a fucked up question, and you know it. Just because I wanted it doesn’t mean he should’ve kept going. I said to stop.”

“I know, I’m just saying… fuck I don’t know what I’m saying. Look, if you don’t want to keep seeing David I totally get it and support you, but just know if you do want to keep going, you have my blessing. Doesn’t even have to be with David, you know?”

“What?” Sage said with surprise, “Even after all this, you’re ok with me trying again?”

“I am.”

“But… what if I lose control? What if we can’t keep control of the situation?”

“I know you won’t…and maybe… a part of me finds you losing control… hot? Maybe a part of me wants to be powerless... I don’t know, but whatever you decide, you have my blessing,” Jeremy said. Sage sat back and nodded slowly. She felt a pit in her stomach.

“Alright, I’ll keep it in mind.” Sage wished her husband had never admitted that. She wished he had said something different. But those words, even if it was just him thinking out loud, acted a kindling to a lustful fire she knew she’d come to regret.

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