2500 years later

“I’m so glad that they finally developed space travel. This means they’re advanced enough for us to contact them directly.”

“The Reptilians have been doing that for years…”

“Yes, sabotaging our scientific effort! We need to counter their activities.”

“Does that mean we’ll stop abducting human’s livestock and leaving signs in fields?”

“No, of course not! Be reasonable and stop interfering in fields that lie beyond your scope of specialisation.”

“Sorry. I’m all ears.”

This expression was borrowed from the humans, since greys had no external earlobes.

“We need to test the adaptiveness and flexibility of humans in their natural habitat. The test results of the **** ones aren’t fully satisfying.”

“You’re going to tell them that when we make contact?”

“No. At least not directly. Our diplomats will have to phrase it appropriately, something about coming in peace, the universe is for all to share, there are no boundaries in space and such.”

“Our diplomats may be skilful, but I have doubts whether they can persuade the humans to conduct experiments on their own population.”

“I could use your own argument against you and say that the Reptilians have done that a long time ago, but I’m a scientist and not a demagogue, so I’m not going to do that.”

“Thank you, I suppose.”

“A broad and comprehensive study of the psychology of the individuals and the behavioral patterns of the whole societies resulted in a method that not only gives us a 99.97% chance of success, but will also make the humans enjoy it.”

“What kind of method have you developed which hadn’t been tried before?”

“It’s an improved combination of tested methods. A comprehensive analysis of diverse data…”

“To the core, please.”

“We’ve created a device that can transform the physical form and the mental patterns of individual humans without taking them out of their natural habitat. To give us diversified figures we equipped it with a random numbers generator. It has an exactitude of 99.997%, so the transformations won’t be repetitive and should give us all probable combinations. All transformed humans will then be closely inspected by our observers without interfering into their lives.”

“How are you going to convince them to use that device?”

“We’ll.... ehm… the… Reptilians came up with an idea…”

“What?!”

“Well, they’re good at meddling. They’ve been doing it for years and their new plan sounded reasonable, even if it lacked concrete scientific data to back it up.”

“I would’ve never suspected that you’d go to Reptilians for advice.”

“We never intended to ask them for advice, just to negotiate with them, so they wouldn’t interfere. It was necessary for the safety of the operation. Initially we wanted to create a new ‘scientific religion’, but they suggested a TV show instead. I have to admit it’s a more modern idea…”

“Haven’t we tried a religion already, just recently? It was a moderate success, but I doubt this concept could be used again.”

“A fair point. So the Reptilians came up with the idea, but also wanted some level of control over the experiment.”

“Don’t tell me you agreed.”

“It’s nothing much. They won’t interfere with the scientific process or data, only moderate the TV show itself. Their agent will go by the name of Frank Trustworthy.”

“A perfect camouflage. They won’t be using their main operative, Mark Sugarmountain?”

“No, he’s basically unmasked by now. They had to use someone fresh.”

“Sounds reasonable.”

“By the way, what name do you use when in human avatar?”

“Bill.”

“You could’ve come up with something more creative.”

“Common names are the best for clandestine operations.”

“A fair point.”

“I wanted to be Jeff, but it’s already being used by another agent. Does the new operation mean we’ll cease the abduction and probing?”

“Not at all! A constant stream of comprehensive data acquired from meticulous probing is crucial for scientific progress. We’ll just have to be careful and not let the humans who aren’t a part of our conspiracy get too close to the truth. They can’t handle the truth.”

“Like that old agent Wolf Rotten who was so upset about his sister’s abduction, right? If only he knew how much she enjoyed it…”

“All of the test specimens greatly enjoy it, which is an effective method for optimal conditioning.”

“They can be so easily manipulated by pleasure. It’s so fortunate that we’re not similar to them.”

“Yes, it’s fortunate, indeed, that our physiologies are incompatible. Have you brought all the probing tools?”

“Yes.”

“Let’s probe then!”

“Yes!”