* Cut It. *

You wish you remembered more of your old life's knowledge of Jurist Prudence, but you think you have a set of fairly simple solutions to this situation.

"This is my ruling upon this giant mess that you have brought before me: Necalli, as the author of all this emotional mayhem, is to be remanded to the custody and ownership of Matlalhuitl. The Divorces of his three wives are granted, and they further are awarded custody of each of their respective children. The property of the former family unit is awarded to the wronged parties and is to be divided evenly and equitably between the three of them with an eye to providing each a trade that she may work to sustain herself and her children," you begin.

"Cuetlachtli and/or his family is to be given back any of the items they gave in bride price which have not yet been used up or otherwise are no longer possible to be returned. Should it be discovered that Moyolehuani's family have deliberately made any such item unavailable for return following this ruling, further penalties will result," you go on.

"Moyolehuani and Mecatl's petitions to be married to their respective inamorata are denied: but without prejudice. In one year's time, they may re-petition, and their cases will be reviewed. Papan and Izel's petition to be considered a marital unit is approved, and they are awarded joint custody of their respective children. Furthermore, as they are the largest surviving unit of the former marriage, the family domicile is to be given to them in the division of the property: on the condition that Mecatl and her children be allowed to reside there for not less than a year and a day or until other suitable lodgings are found for the group, whichever comes first," you continue, coming to the latter part of your verdict.

"Finally, for dragging this sideshow crazy shit cake into my courtroom rather than resolving it yourselves like sane people, each of you is to pay a penalty of twelve pounds of shelf-stable food to the national treasury over the course of the next year, one pound per month at least until your debt is paid. This is what is known as a 'court cost' and anyone else who causes me to have to deal with a similarly frustrating case can expect the same. It is my Will: I have spoken!" You declare, and the Jaguar Warriors show the plaintiffs out.

The next three cases are relatively minor things:
1: A dispute over the theft of a bowl of rice: the accused, a 10-year-old boy, says he is innocent, the accuser, his parent's next door neighbor, claims he saw him take the bowl.
2: An argument about one of your Worker's dogs: it is alleged that it bit a young man, but the worker claims the young man antagonized it by poking it with a stick. The young man wants the beast put down.
3: An accusation of malpractice by a herb woman: a man says he came to her to cure his cough, instead of a cure the herbal tea she gave him caused vomiting and diarrhea. He claims he nearly died.*
*(Not as ridiculous a claim as it sounds, without clean drinking water dehydration from diarrhea and vomiting CAN be deadly, especially in hot climates like Mexico...)

https://www.patreon.com/nemoofutopia