(Who's your prom date?)

Before we get into the group chat, let's fast-forward 8 months and talk about Prom.

You were looking fucking sharp that night, just a few months ago but given your hot summer at camp and everything else, it already feels a lifetime ago. This was the culmination of what had been a pretty incredible year for you: all starting with that Belgium trip and the whole Ange controversy- you'd simultaneously set a number of things in motion that independently were all great but cumulatively- potentially very messy indeed.

Maybe it was an age thing but whilst it was great getting close with a girl, you found it impossible to ignore the opportunity to get close with any and all females that showed a flicker of potential. You didn't think yourself a player, you hated the term, but you didn't once think about Lauren, Lily or anyone else whilst Ange sprayed your cum all over herself either.

And whilst, yes, this narrative is principally about how you agonise over whether to make a go of it with the vivacious, stunning firecracker of a dancer who's the queen of the college or the homely, cool, ravishing girl-next-door who seems to be a female reflection of your own soul; it's also important to remember that there are more characters that play an important part in that same story.

And, ridiculously long complex sentences aside, the girl who answered the front door in a peppermint green, sheer ballgown in which she looked so ravishing that your breath caught in your throat is every bit as crucial to establishing this convoluted timeline.

And that girl's name was Kaitlyn Simpson.

Whether the black lace glove was her idea or not, it was absolutely exquisite a detail. You might have spent a summer rocking Lauren's perfect body 101 ways but if there was snapshot from your life you could proudly show future grandkids, it'd be "look at the beautiful girl Pops took to his prom." You know how Prince always sang about stunning women? Kaitlyn that night could have inspired another album.

The slit in the gown ran the length of her right thigh and she was so tan and sexy.. the tiny strappy heels with those perfectly polished, pedicured toes in a green that matched the outfit. Wow.

Of course (because in the present day you know this but in our narrative you don't yet) Kaitlyn was your girlfriend at the time so naturally you were taking her to Prom. Lauren had had her prom the year before. Lily looked stunning though but on that evening if not any other time, Kaitlyn put her in the shade. Kaitlyn put everyone in the shade and you had really hot girls in your year. Yes Daisy and Lily but also girls I haven't even mentioned yet. Mia, Amber, Freya, Amalia...

But Kaitlyn was perfect. 11 out of 10. And this is the story of how you took her virginity. And how it destroyed your relationship.