(Side Story) Joyce Barnes, Agent 008, in: Operation Melted Vanillia

"Okay... Lunch at Cafe La Roux, go for a walk around the park, kiss him there, have ice cream at... no, the kiss was supposed to taste like that ice cream, the ice cream goes first..."

Joyce Barnes, secret agent (absolutely not) on vacation, habitually checked her vitals, which was good way to check for any poisons in the system and general damage to the body. This time, however, she jabbed two fingers into her trachea, coughing in surprise before moving them to the correct position... 195 bpm at resting... yep, she was having a panic attack. What the hell was Christina?!?

Originally, Joyce thought nothing of Christina, other than a slight sense of smugness over how outmatched Christina was in seduction compared to her... Though she might hate Joyce after Sam tearfully confesses his oneitis for the dashing international woman of mystery that came into his life (and bed), and vanished just as quickly... Heh heh heh...

That kind of thinking changed today.

Joyce was minding her own business, when suddenly Christina, out of breath, cornered her in the hall.

"Joyce, Sam needs your help."

"Why, hello, Christina... Oh, does Sam need help with math?" Joyce had already hacked the school database to find Sam's weakest class, and coincidentally earned her place as the top scorer a while ago... A few timely hints, and Joyce would have a perfect opportunity make the teacher set a tutoring date set up between Sam and her...

"Sam's going to get kidnapped by ninjas."

"Eh?"

"Or crazy amazons... or... our classmates."

"..."

"Yep." Christina patted both of Joyce's shoulders. "I need you to call whatever getaway plan and put it on standby very shortly."

"... Are you making fun of me? It's not like I'm some sort of sec-"

"Secret agent? Yes you are. You were spotted with known asset Natalie Nichols on the fifth, tenth, and twelfth of this month alone. Your locker keeps spiking every sensor we sweep by it, and finally, you might want to check your purse, because unless you changed your name to Irene Fleming, you've been using an old cover's ID card to watch R-rated movies at the theater."

Shit.

The first two could be talked out of. N was posing as her mother, so there was no problem there. The idea of her godmother getting made was a punch to the gut, but there were plenty of 40-something women who looked like her. There was actually no agency gear in her locker anymore, and the quick change pod in her pocket was inert until used. But the third... there was no way she would make that mistake. Irene Fleming was her last secret identity, and the only ID with that name on it was kept was in her trophy collection, inside a partially melted purse that survived a volcano with her. It might be the same brand as her current purse, but there was no way she would have mixed those two...

Shit.

"...Did Sam see me walking around with a melted purse?" Joyce asked weakly, staring at the ugly burn mark that covered the bottom of her white purse for the first time since she grabbed it by accident a week ago.

"I don't have time for this." Christina said, glancing around, "Meet up with Zoe, and call whoever you need to call. Meet me at-"

Suddenly, the flash of a camera went off. Karishma, with an slightly more evil grin than her usual, had just snapped a photo of the two of them. "What'cha doing there, 'partner'? I think we need to talk about your graceful retirement and recommendation for a successor... or otherwise..."

Christina darted off, shocking Karishma.

"What!?! Where are you going, Chris!?! We're not done yet!" Karishma chased after her, waving her phone menacingly. Christina was booking it, leaving Joyce behind.

Joyce snapped back to the present, glancing at the wall of unanswered calls she made to her handlers. N and W were unavailable, it seemed, but that just meant Joyce needed to improvise. Christina... no... Chris didn't seem like she was lying about Sam needing help, so Joyce wasn't going to let this momentary setback cause her to lose sight of her goal.

Early in her infiltration, Joyce had a couple of students of interest marked. Hateya, a genius scientist, and Upsilon, a completely normal girl at first glance, but some tiny mechanical buzz she made whenever she came near reminded Joyce way too much of the literal W.I.T.C.H.-made Terminator that nearly killed her on her first mission. She turned that thing into scrap with her own two hands, but that hum lived on in every nightmare Joyce had from then on.

However, even her nightmares were being overtaken by Sam at that point, so Joyce did the bare minimum to confirm that those two weren't up to anything. Hateya's mad science seemed pedestrian to Joyce next to her browsing of... incredibly niche websites... off the school wifi, to the point where Joyce ended her snooping early, and any sort of instinctual terror Joyce had of Upsilon held no match to the mushy blandness any other emotion turned into upon contact with the girl. So Joyce pretty much ignored those two in favor of her elaborate fantasies about Sam.

Now, however, Joyce was **** enough to call on Hateya's mad science, or Upsilon's insipidness. Dialing Upsilon first, the phone picked up instantly.

"_bzzzzz-Finally, Thẩm... -zzzz- I've been trying to reach you for a while. -zzzz- I need your help."

Upsilon's voice on the phone had acquired a growling, inhuman buzz. Joyce gulped, swallowing her fear. Maybe she's going through a tunnel?

"Hello there, Upsilon."

"zzzz....Who is this?-zzzz-Did you do this?-zzzzzz- Did you leak my design?-ZZZZZZZ"

The buzzing got louder. Stay calm, Joyce. She's probably just in a giant bee hive.

"Uh, no... I was wondering if you could help me with something... You see, our classmate Sam is in a bit of trouble, and-"

"-ZZZZZZ-Sam -ZZ-He was with that girl... Delores-ZZZZZ-De-ZZZZ-Lor-ZZZZ-Es-ZZZZ - *click*..........She did this."

Joyce heard a heavy sigh over the phone, and the buzzing stopped.

"Do you happen to have a Luigi Amiibo, by any chance? No. A Bowser Amiibo. Multiple Bowser Amiibos." Upsilon said, interference free.

"...I'm sorry to say that I don't."

"Okay, I need to go to GameStop. I'll talk to you soon."

Joyce hung up, shivering. Sorry, Delores... Whoever that was...

Hateya was up next. The phone was answered quickly.

"...Hey..."

"Hello, Hateya, my name is-"

"I'm sorry, I can't stay and chat... I think I'm in heaven right now...?"

After Hateya said that, Joyce heard a couple of throaty feminine chuckles come from Hateya's side. An older woman's voice spoke in heavily accented and broken english.

"Leetle one, yoor coming wit us. Gimmie phone."

"Yes ma'am."

Joyce heard a snapping noise, and suddenly the phone was disconnected.

"...Lunch at Cafe La Roux, go for a walk around the park, have ice cream at the stall... kiss that tastes like ice cream-"

"Joyce! Over here!" Zoe broke Joyce out of her meditation. "I'm with Chris... When is the escape vehicle going to arrive? I'll help lead Sam to it..."

"Cafe La Roux?" Joyce said, wanting to stay in her happy place for just a second longer.

"That's at the other side of town." Zoe said, confused.

The conversation was halted by heavy footsteps through the hall. A 7 foot tall person in a wrapped in an equally gigantic trenchcoat and a matching hat was walking through the hall, acting if they were meant to be there. Both Joyce and Zoe looked on, as Crystal, the hall monitor walked over to greet the person.

"Excuse me, are you looking for anyone?"

"Why yes... Do you happen to know a boy named Sam?" The woman in the trenchcoat replied, in an impossibly soft tone for someone that size.

"Uh... yes... I can go grab Sam for you... Would you like me to hang up your coat?"

"...Thank you, dear."

The giant woman disrobed, draping her coat over Crystal's head, before placing her hat ontop. Crystal stood stock still, looking like a budget ghost costume. She was fully nude, besides her tinted glasses, which turned her grey eyes underneath blood red, and multicolored hand wraps, akin to a boxers taped knuckles. The woman turned to see her companions enter the school after her. They consisted of multiple nationalities, heights, and ages, and they all took their outerwear off to pile on Crystal. Raincoats, varsity jackets, and hoodies covered the poor girl, eventually causing her to collapse to the ground. Each stood, completely nude, at attention.

"Auntie...?" Zoe said, all hope fading from her voice. Devoratora Capul, leader of the Daughters of The New Adam, spoke in her mother tongue to her colleagues.

("The Nurturing Head has gotten too soft in her little game of pretend. Sinful excess has seeped into every crevice here... You know your American sisters, make them... uh... see reason... and bring them to me. The Adam is the last target, no stealing a turn on him. And be careful...")

Devoratora switched to Japanese for a second.

("It seems there are rats in the ceiling...")

The ceiling tile shuffled slightly as whoever was hiding there ran. Devoratora laughed, before turning to Zoe with a lopsided grin.

("My lovely niece, it's so nice of you to come to us willingly... Does this mean that you've accepted our offer to join?... But why are you still in those suffocating clothes? Come now, join the hunt, and-")

("I'm not giving you Sam, Auntie! And I'll never join the Daughters of The New Adam!") Zoe shouted, in perfect Romanian, as bravely as she could. Devoratora raised her eyebrows.

("You aren't joining the winning side? I have to say... that's the best news I've heard in a while! Our dear Nurturing Head losing you this early would be so boring.")

Devoratora took a step towards Joyce and Zoe. Joyce, out of pure instinct, used her only gadget she had, throwing down her Agency pod to quickly change into... the adorable dress she replaced her actual agency gear with.

"..."

"Is that your secret agent outfit?" Zoe said, excitedly.

"..."

"...The slit on that dress is pretty high... But it looks nice... Does it have cool gadgets?"

"Zoe, we need to run right now."

Devoratora shook her head, before turning to her followers again.

("Get that one too.")

Joyce and Zoe took off as fast as possible, which wasn't that impressive for both of them. Zoe's cardio was awful as always, and Joyce was trying to not break her ankle running in high heels. A pale, plump redhead with the thick torso of a medieval milk maid, with the breasts and arms to match, and an extremely lanky african woman adorned with white henna bodypaint took off after them in a light jog, waiting for them to tire themselves out instead of running them down.

"Lunch at Cafe La Roux, go for a walk around the park, ice cream, kiss, sex, more sex, have a date every day, propose, two kids... hahahaha!" Joyce slipped back into her fantasy yet again...