'Cause there's a voice inside tellin' you what's right, a choice, that choice is life

Rose stretched a little before bed, working out all the kinks in her body. She was still a little sore from all the hard work she’d done the day before; but complaining about a little exercise wasn’t in character for her, so she’d kept that to herself. She checked her makeup in the mirror to make sure she still looked her best, even though she was going to bed; when the cameras were rolling, it was important to always look fabulous.

But right now there were more important things to focus on.

She walked out of the bathroom and spied Dawn sitting up in bed, reading a book thicker than her wrist. Or at least she was pretending to. The short girl’s eyes looked glassy and it was clear she was using the book more as an excuse to contemplate something serious rather than honestly reading.

“Hey, Dawn.”

Dawn’s ears flared up and her tail twitched. She snapped her head towards Rose and stared at her, wide-eyed.

“Oh, um… did… did you need something?”

Rose slinked over to the bed and crawled in beside her, wearing a smile on her ruby red lips. But she wasn’t that happy.

“Dawn… is everything alright?”

From the way the cat girl’s ears twitched and how her eyes shifted to the side, it was clear the answer was no.

“Dawn, you know you can talk to me, right? We’re buddies now, chaton, which means we’re supposed to rely on one another.”

Dawn’s lips turned down in a frown. “Actually it means we’re competing against each other,” she pointed out.

Rose shrugged. “That doesn’t have to be the case,” she tittered. “But you know… your date with Nick is coming up soon, and you still haven’t asked me for any advice. I can’t help but feel discouraged… don’t you trust my support anymore?”

“Why should I?” Dawn muttered. “You’re a virgin too, right?”

Rose flinched.

“W-Well… yes, that is true…” She admitted, laughing sheepishly. “But still, when it comes to the mechanics of pleasuring a man, I’m quite well-versed…”

“Yeah, I know you are.” Dawn turned away from Rose and closed her book. “But that doesn’t matter anymore,” she muttered under her breath.

Interesting…

“Something is clearly the matter,” Rose said, placing her hand on Dawn’s shoulder. “Recently you’ve seemed withdrawn… dare I say, upset?”

Dawn glanced back at the blonde. She scowled and shook her hand off. “That’s just my default.”

“Come now, that’s not true.” Rose shook her head. “You can be quite sweet. The way you were doting on Gina? Even after the history between you two? I’m sure you’re a wonderful girl deep down, you’re just not always the best at showing it.”

Dawn didn’t say a word, she just glowered.

Rose continued, “and you were nice enough to save me from elimination!”

A shadow crossed Dawn’s face and she turned away again, lying down in bed and pulling the blanket over her like she was ready to go to sleep. Rose’s eyes widened in realization as she put the pieces together.

So that’s what this is about?

“Dawn…” Rose gently shook her but Dawn just bundled up even deeper into the blankets.

“Leave me alone…” She grumbled.

“Are you still upset about how the last challenge ended? About Holly being eliminated?”

Dawn flung off the blanket and sat up in bed. Her eyes were red and her glasses hung crookedly off her face. “Of course I’m upset about that!” She exclaimed. Once the faucet had turned, the tears just started flowing. “It’s all because of me, don’t you get it!? I needed to win, so I… so I eliminated her… I didn’t HAVE to use the Joker on you two…! I could have chosen someone else, I could have chosen Gina-! If I had then, she wouldn’t be…!”

She started coughing, and her small body shook like a leaf. Rose stared solemnly at her.

“I see… that must be hard…” There were no smiles on her lips now. She responded to Dawn with the seriousness the other girl deserved. “Being **** into that position… choosing who would win or lose…”

Dawn nodded, wiping her eyes and sniffling.

“I’m a doctor… I’m supposed to help people…”

“You helped me.” Rose placed her hand over Dawn’s. “You had the last choice. You chose between Holly and I. And you chose me. Does that mean you wished it was the other way around? Do you wish you’d chosen Holly, and that I were eliminated?”

There was no accusation in her voice. She was genuinely asking in order to better understand Dawn’s feelings.

But not even Dawn fully understood her feelings.

“I-I don’t… I don’t know,” she admitted, biting her lip. “I don’t… no. It’s not that. I couldn’t have lived with that, either!” She shook her head. “It’s not fair! Choosing someone to be eliminated like that… can you imagine what that’s like?! Only I had to make that choice! Seeing her like that… completely obsessed with Nick, it was like… like she’s been brainwashed!”

“Aren’t you exaggerating just a bit?” Rose asked. “Holly seems genuinely happy with her elimination. Even if her fate is a tragic one… she’s found more happiness than she ever had before in that fate, no?”

“That’s what I thought, too…” Dawn got out of bed and began pacing around the room, her tail flicking erratically behind her. “I told myself that it was okay to eliminate her… that she wanted it, so I wasn’t really hurting anybody… but that was just a lie. You weren’t here at the beginning of the show, so you wouldn’t know… but Holly, she… she was different back then. Before her first transformation… before Sylvia turned her into… that.”

Rose had watched the show from the beginning, so she understood where Dawn was coming from. And she wasn’t wrong, either. Comparing the Holly from the beginning of the game to how she was now was like comparing night and day.

“She… this stupid game-! It twisted her into someone obsessed with seeing Nick sleep with other women!” Dawn was pulling at her hair now, practically in hysterics. It was like she was trying to claw her way into her brain. “That transformation changed her, MADE her okay with it! And I… I ignored that, because it was convenient for me to believe that she wanted to become his ****!”

Dawn could still see the placid smile on Holly’s face as she served them all dinner that night. She was like a little doll, happy to please her master. Where was the fire from before? The passion she had to be Nick’s one and only? That had been pressed down and locked away deep down inside her by the transformations, and Dawn had been the one to seal the lid shut forever.

“Dawn… I know full well how Holly felt,” Rose said quietly. “You forget, I’m the one partnered up with her in the first place. Last round… Holly was the one I was closest to by far. She told me things she would never have told the others, she revealed her true self to me… That’s how I know that you’re not wrong. Deep down inside… she wouldn’t have wanted this.”

“…Ngh…” Dawn’s ears sank and her tail went limp. She looked even shorter.

“Holly, at her core, loves Nick more than anyone. Perhaps she even cares about him more than Dakota or Mary…” Rose felt an ache in her breast at the thought of Holly’s fate as well. “And there’s a certain painful irony that these transformations have turned her into something that keeps her from him, out of her own desire. But out of all of us, I think... that she would be the happiest with her transformation. So it’s not the worst fate.”

“But it’s all because of me,” Dawn cut in. “I’m the one who stole her immunity. I’m the one who picked you over her.”

“That’s right,” Rose nodded. “You did that. But what if you didn’t?”

Dawn stared at the other girl in confusion. “H-Huh?”

“Suppose you could go back. Suppose you used the Joker to steal someone else’s set. What would have happened then?” Rose asked. “Suppose you took from Gina. You would have had her beaten handily. Both you and Holly would have obtained immunity, no?”

“Y-Yeah, you’re right, and then-”

“And then someone else would have gotten eliminated,” Rose pointed out. “Dani would have chosen Carly, and Mary would have chosen Kim. Nothing you could have done would change those facts. And if Holly had chosen me as she promised, then… you would have been **** to choose once more. Between Gina or Dakota. You would have had to eliminate someone else.”

“No, that’s not true!” Dawn shook her head. “I wouldn’t have had the winning score, then! I would have had the lowest score with only 49 points! And Holly would have been the winner! Don’t you remember the numbers?! The numbers, they… I would have gotten to choose first, then I still would have chosen you, and then…”

“And then we’d be right back where we started,” Rose pointed out. “Only Holly would be the one having to choose between Gina and Dakota. Is that really better? Could you really say you’re blameless in that situation? You would still put Gina’s head on the chopping block, after all.”

It was obvious now to Rose what Dawn wanted. She was feeling overwhelmed by guilt, and wanted to wash her hands of any responsibility. But it wasn’t that simple.

“Then… then what if I didn’t use the Joker?” Dawn sniffled. “Then Holly chooses you… Gina chooses Dakota… and I…”

So, it’s come to this. Rose sighed and shook her head. “You really are too compassionate, chaton.” She stood up and hugged Dawn, letting the other woman rest against her breasts like a pillow. “Would you really have let yourself be eliminated, just so no one else would get hurt?”

“It… it would have been the right thing to do…” She sniffled.

“Says who? Dawn, there’s nothing wrong with looking out for yourself.” Rose pulled back and leaned down to look the cat girl in the eyes. “You not wanting to get eliminated and taking the steps to ensure your victory is not being selfish. That’s self-preservation. Nobody, not Holly, not Gina, not Dakota, and certainly not myself would say that the right thing to do is letting yourself lose just so you don’t have to feel guilty for someone else losing. I thought you were a competitive person? Is this really the first time you’ve hurt someone with a victory?”

Dawn stared at the floor.

“That’s different,” she mumbled. “Winning some gymnastics competitions or a debate championship isn’t the same as condemning someone to be a sex ****!”

“True,” Rose admitted. “But it doesn’t mean you should throw yourself on the metaphorical sword, either. Or in this case, Nick’s penis. In the end, you made the best choice you could, and did the most good you could, isn’t that right? Someone had to be eliminated. It could have been me, it could have been you, it could have been anyone. And you decided it wouldn’t be you. Then you decided it wouldn’t be me. In the end, it was Holly, and yes, you chose that fate for her, no question about that.”

Dawn whimpered, and her ears drooped.

“You made an impossible choice. But that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. The only bad one here is Sylvia. She’s the one who **** you into that position in the first place, she’s the one who influenced Holly with those transformations. Sylvia and the audience are to blame for Holly’s elimination, not you.”

Dawn looked up into Rose’s eyes. She wished that were the case. But in the end…

“It was still my choice though.” Dawn pulled herself free of the actress’s arms and climbed back into bed. She turned away from Rose. “I made a choice. And I have to live with the guilt from that.”

Rose didn’t know what to say. She could absolutely understand feeling bad about what happened to Holly. But for Dawn to feel this consumed by guilt…

There has to be something else here.

“What’s this really about?” Rose asked, sitting down beside her. The brunette shifted so she was facing away from Rose again.

“I just told you.”

“No, I mean what is it really about? It isn’t just that you feel guilty about Holly, there’s something else, isn’t there?”

“Shut up. I don’t want to talk anymore.”

Rose was far too stubborn for that.

“Please, Dawn, tell me.”

“Leave me alone.”

Rose sighed. “If you won’t tell me, then… I suppose I’ll have to hide your glasses tomorrow morning.”

Dawn’s ears twitched.

“…Huh?”

“Yes, I think I’ll do just that… I’ll hide them somewhere you’ll never find them, and leave you wandering around the hallways like a blind kitten.” Rose kept her tone light so that Dawn would know she wasn’t totally serious. She didn’t really want to threaten the other girl, she just wanted to goad a response out of her.

“…Oh! I know!” Rose clapped her hands together with glee. “I’ll get you a nice little collar with a bell! That way, Nick can guide you around on a leash so you won’t hurt yourself!”

“Absolutely not!” Dawn sprang up out of bed and stared at Rose with wide-eyed shock. “I’m not some pet!”

Rose smirked. “I know that. I’m just teasing.”

“…Rrrgh…” Dawn’s face was red with frustration. Then she calmed down and sighed, looking defeated. “Why aer you doing this? Why won’t you just leave me alone? I’m fine with getting eliminated next week anyway, you don’t have to try so hard to be my friend.”

“Now that’s not an attitude I want to see,” Rose frowned, tapping her chin. “Where’s the competitive fire you had before, when we were playing with Nick’s penis?”

Dawn’s jaw dropped. “Th-That was-!”

“Dawn.” Rose took the other woman’s hands in hers. “Talk to me. Please. I can’t help you if you won’t talk to me.”

“Mmmng…” Dawn’s lip quivered and she started to shake. Rose thought she was about to burst out crying like a child. But she held it together and kept her composure.

“…Fine. I’ll talk,” she sighed, hanging her head. “You know how I went to medical school, right?”

Rose nodded.

“Well… I didn’t become a surgeon, obviously. I became a veterinarian.”

“Because you love animals, right?”

Dawn shook her head. “That’s what I tell people. ‘I became a vet because I want to help animals’ or if pressed, I tell people… tell myself that the reason was because I didn’t have a good enough bedside manner, so I didn’t think I’d be a very good doctor. But those are just excuses.”

Her head drooped and she took off her glasses, letting her tears fall onto the ebony sheets.

“The truth is… I ran away.”

Rose gasped. “…What?”

Dawn wiped her eyes and put her glasses back on. “I’m a genius, did you know that?”

“No.” Rose rolled her eyes. “You’ve never mentioned it before.”

Dawn scowled. “Yeah, well, I am. I took a massive number of college courses while I was still in high school, and even more over the summer, allowing me to graduate pre-med in two years. Then I blazed right through medical school with stellar grades, acing every test. I was well on my way to becoming a doctor and making my parents proud of me. Like I always intended.”

She clenched the sheets tightly. “Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to help people. I wanted to use my intelligence to make a real difference in the world. ‘I’m going to become a doctor so I can save lives!’ is what I would tell anyone who asked. But… it isn’t that simple.”

Rose said nothing. Dawn looked like a teenager barely starting puberty most of the time, but right now she gave off an aura that made her seem more adult than Rose had ever seen her.

“I always thought math and science were so easy because there were only so many ways to get to the right answer,” Dawn said with a bitter laugh. “English majors like Nick… part of me looked down on them, because I thought ‘the only reason they take English courses is because Liberal Arts don’t have objective truths. They’re just degrees for people who lack the intelligence to think critically and find the right answers on the hard sciences’.”

“Does that include acting as well?” Rose sniffed, and Dawn flinched.

“I-I know… I know it isn’t true,” Dawn mumbled, shaking her head. “The truth is… Nick’s writing is good. Did you know, he wrote a book? I bought it, out of curiosity, and it was one of the best works I ever read. That’s real talent… more than just having a brain that can memorize anything. It’s not that Liberal Arts are for idiots… they’re for people who are far more creative than I am.”

“Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses,” Rose shrugged. “There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging that.”

“Of course there isn’t,” Dawn agreed. “Like I said, only a part of me felt that way. The part who feared… that I couldn’t cut it. That I was just wallowing in my own intelligence and didn’t want to look outside my bubble. I wanted to become a doctor because I thought, with my abilities, it was by far the best course of action. The best way to make a difference, and to please my dad, but… it was the wrong fit for me. And I figured it out too late.”

“What do you mean? I would think you’d be a great doctor, you’ve got such an analytical mind, and your memory… certainly, your interpersonal skills could use work, but…” Rose trailed off after seeing the furious glare from the other woman.

Dawn’s expression softened, and she sighed. “The reason I ran away from becoming a surgeon… is because I realized I wasn’t going to become a great doctor. Or even a good doctor. Just like with Holly… I was too afraid to make the hard choices.”

She looked like she was about to cry again, but she didn’t. “I’ve always prided myself on never doubting my decisions, staying the course. But let me ask you something, Rose. Let’s say you’re a doctor. Let’s say you have two patients, both of whom need immediate surgery. But let’s say you only have the time to save one of them. Which one do you choose?”

Rose blinked. “What?”

“Or how about this? Let’s say there’s a pandemic, and the hospital only has one bed remaining. Two patients come in, both at ****’s door. You can take one of them in, but there’s no room for the other. Which one do you turn away to die in painful agony?!” Dawn was getting frantic now. Her voice hitched.

“How do you make that decision?!” She demanded, pulling at her hair. “Deciding who gets to live and who gets to die!? That’s wrong! It’s wrong! I want to help everybody! I couldn’t do it! Don’t you understand?! Doctors… surgeons… they have to make decisions like that! Decisions affecting people’s lives! So what… what am I supposed to do?”

She hugged her knees to her chest and started shaking. “With animals… it was so much simpler. Even if I had to make a hard choice, it wasn’t a person who I would be putting down. The weight… it was so much easier to carry. But a human life…”

I see. It’s because she’s so gentle that she couldn’t deal with the burden a doctor has to face… It must have been her first time facing a stumbling block like that, then. Rose looked sympathetically at the shivering woman in front of her. So she ran away. And now she’s **** to make those decisions again.

“I thought I could do it… I thought I could make a choice like that, since nobody was going to die,” Dawn muttered, shaking her head and rocking back and forth. “But I can’t deal with this. I just want… I just want to do the right thing…”

“Dawn… you would have had to make a hard decision like that eventually. Even if you were never brought here… I don’t see how you could have avoided it,” Rose frowned. “Unless you planned to completely isolate yourself from society, of course.”

Dawn’s ears twitched.

Bullseye. Rose felt even worse.

“But that must have made you incredibly lonely, too.”

Her ears drooped, and her tail went limp. Another bullseye.

“Do you know what I learned from my mistakes on this show?” Rose asked, gently petting her on the head. “I learned that when you hurt someone, you should apologize.”

Dawn finally raised her head, looking at Rose with red eyes.

“Well? I can go with you. We can apologize to Holly together tomorrow. Mary’s taking her out for the day, I hear. Would that help?” Rose suggested.

“…Yeah…” Dawn admitted, nodding. “Maybe…”

Deep down inside, though, she didn’t think that would be nearly enough to make amends.