"Whores, Tarts, Strumpets, Trollops !"

"Explain ? What is there to explain ? There you are, sat all nice and comfy with your can of beer, ogling these two trollops. Is that what you always get up to when I'm away ?" Noah's wife was incandescent. She was a large red headed woman of indeterminate age with the hint of an Irish accent. "No, no. It's all perfectly innocent" Noah began but he was cut off. "Innocent my ass !" his wife cried, slapping him across the face. "No, honestly. We were just helping out before your husband gives us a lift" Debbi tried explaining but she only succeeded in turning the wife's ire onto herself and Carol !

"Whores, tarts, strumpets, trollops !" the woman raged at them. "How dare you try to seduce my husband with your wicked ways."

"No, really, we were just..."

"Get out, get out, get dressed. Where are your clothes ?"

"We haven't got any clothes."

"What do you mean, you haven't got any clothes ? Whores, strumpets !"

"It's a long story, we were..."

"I don't care about your long story. Get out. Whores, tarts !" The angry woman converged on Debbi and Carol and began slapping them on the ass ! "Ow, no. look, your husband said he'd give us a lift."

"He's going nowhere. You're getting out of here. Go. Whores, hussys !"

"Ow, ooh, stop that, we're going" yelled Debbi. The woman grabbed one of the discarded pitchforks and began brandishing it menacingly at their backsides. "Ooh, ow, no" as they were gently prodded.

"Those look like my boots. Are those my boots ?"

"We just borrowed them. We''ll bring them back."

"Whores, tarts. Take them off now !" Prod, prod. "Ow, oh, OK, look, here." The two naked women bent to take off the Wellington boots, their bums providing too tempting a target for the farmer's wife not to slap them once more. "Ow, stop. We're going." Barefoot once more, the pair scampered as best they could back into the lane, their ears ringing with the curses and insults of the enraged woman.

"Well, that went well" said Debbi. "Shut up" said Carol.

"Now what ?"

"How far to the camp site now do you reckon ?"

"Still about three miles I should think."

"Damn, my poor feet. I was just getting used to having some kind of shoes at least."

There was a loud 'plop' ahead of them, followed quickly by a further three loud plops. "Thank you" cried Debbi over the hedge as the pair of them hurried to put the Wellington boots back on. Noah had prevailed on his wife to show some mercy but it still didn't look as if they'd be getting their lift any time soon !