"Um...I...uh..."

From the moment you first realized the implications of Gwen's earlier remark, the gears in your mind had been spinning madly. They were spinning, but not actually getting anything done. You had no idea what was going on; there was no context for your internal machinery to gain traction against. You were searching for an answer without even knowing the question. Now, though, you knew the question, and all of that machinery had ground to a dead stop.

That one simple question changed everything. All of this time you had been a victim, struggling to escape a fate that someone else was forcing on you. Yet, as you look back on the past two days now, what exactly had you been the victim of? Of getting to know a side of those closest to you that you had never seen before? Of getting the opportunity to explore sensations and experiences previously unavailable to you? Of having the best sex of your life? What the owner of that voice on the phone had done to you was terrible, sure. But at the same time, if you had been offered the opportunity to live as a girl for 48 hours - without the whole uncontrollable arousal and fertility part - you might have jumped at the chance. Heck, most guys probably would.

Really, though, that wasn't the question here. You'd gotten the "free trial" experience whether you had wanted it or not. The question now was whether you wanted to buy. How could you possibly answer that question? Trans people probably spent years of their lives angsting over their identity before they got a sex change or whatever. You, on the other hand, just get this massive choice put to you with a giant ticking clock hanging over your head, like a contestant on some twisted game show. What can you possibly say?

So, of course, you don't say anything. Your palms clam up, your jaw flops open and shut like a goldfish, and a series of unintelligible grunting noises forces its way out, but you don't answer the question. Gwen tries to hide her amusement behind a sympathetic gaze. That isn't really helping.

Finally, you're saved from your predicament by Allison's return to the table. She proclaims "I'm back!" in a sing-song voice, adding "Ooh, thank you so much!" in response to the food you ordered for her. At least, you think that's what she said - it's kind of hard to tell what someone's trying to say when they're eating at the same time. She must have been really hungry. Then again, it's hard to say how early she got up this morning.

It takes a while before she slows down enough to notice your face, which you suddenly realize is still doing it's goldfish impression. "Did something happen? What's wrong?" She manages to ask around a bit of food still in her mouth. You turn to Gwen, half expecting her to just tell Allison what you were talking about before you can stop her, but she just looks back at you expectantly. You can tell she's hoping you'll talk it out with Allie, but it looks like she isn't going to push you. You're not sure you're ready to talk to Allison about this. You still don't even know what you think yourself.