"Oh my gosh, Pippa!"

The two of you drift invisibly and intangibly through the walls of the Bitz, in Piccadilly, the most lavish and unbelievably expensive hotel in London. In one of the suites two men are having sex, so you immediately leave them to their privacy and don’t bother them in the slightest. In another suite, decorated in white, gold and blue, with a marble fireplace and a Ming vase on the mantelpiece, a lady solicitor is taking a shower.

“Seriously, Sitri, why won’t you tell me why we’re in England?”

“Isn’t this good enough?” you say. The suite bathroom is bigger than some people’s entire apartments. The solicitor, whose name is Pippa, and who looks a bit like the actress Gemma Arterton, is singing Beatles tunes to herself as warm water cascades down her back. You get to watch every moment as she massages shampoo into her hair, soaps her breasts, bends over to pick up the dropped soap.

Finally, after a nice long shower, she steps out into the steamy bathroom. She wraps a fluffy white towel around her hourglass figure. As she re-enters the bedroom, she hears a loud knock on the door.

She peeps through the door’s keyhole. She can’t see anyone in the red-carpeted corridor outside. But there’s something sitting in front of the door opposite hers. A bottle of wine with a golden bow around the neck.

Excellent! The Chateau Ygresse she ordered from room service, as a treat to herself for finally wrapping up Jenkins v. Muchstuff, has finally arrived! At only three thousand dollars a bottle, it’s a favorite tipple for Pippa, who happens to be incredibly rich.

But why is it at someone else’s door? Who could possibly be staying in that room?

Of course. Lottie. Pippa’s nemesis.

Pippa stomps on the white carpet in anger as she thinks about her nemesis. Lottie, who looks like Jenna Coleman, and was on the other side of the Jenkins vs. Muchstuff case. The two women have utterly despised each other since they were in the same form at boarding school, and they’ve been butting heads in the legal profession for years. Lottie always uses every dirty law trick in the book to get one over Pippa. Pippa does the same to Lottie, of course, but that’s just playing the game.

It would be just like Lottie to somehow feed the wrong information to room service, and steal her nice Chateau Ygresse that she paid for! Well, Pippa’s not going to stand for it. She has only a short window of time in which to act. She opens the room door, glances left and right to make perfectly sure nobody is coming, and ducks out into the hallway in only her towel.

As she steps forward, the towel catches on something behind her. It doesn’t travel with her.

The door swings shut behind her, with an unmistakable click.

Pippa, very slowly, steps forward. She picks up the bottle of wine. It’s a perfectly ordinary Australian white, worth seven pound fifty in any ordinary shop. She puts it down again.

She turns around.

She’s used to holding her cool in high-pressure courtroom situations. This isn’t going to faze her. She tries the door of her hotel room, and discovers that it is definitely locked.

Okay. She is now locked out of her room, stranded in a corridor of one of the most prestigious hotels in the world, stark naked. Could have happened to anyone. All she has to do is find a maid, and…

She hears the sound of a door opening. Not hers.

Hears Lottie’s unmistakable voice.

“Oh my gosh, Pippa! How nice to see you! But, my dear, where on earth are your CLOTHES?”