"Hi, Vixie, I'm Boa"

The great Jakin Boaz Feierhohs whimpered miserably at hos pathetically easy it had been for his beloved Vixie to manipulate him. An enlightened facility indeed! He and his experimental equipment were now in a rickety near-forgotten supply shed just outside the LUVVIT annex, as part and parcel of his now being a lowly custodian.

The fools! He cast baleful eyes upon the annex, which even now in the early evening let escape those cries of luscious, oh so luscious scientists giving their all to sexual research. He seethed and burned inside at the very idea of so many going weak in the knees before some newcomer like Vino Krown. Vino Krown! Why, a Homo sapiens would-be stud like Krown was nothing before the virile majesty of Feierhohs Man!

He turned back to his device to give it the finishing touches. First he carefully measured out some of his precious green fluid, the Feierhohs Retrovrial Devolver. Of course he wished to retain the intellect of Homo sapeines, but overall the term "devolver" felt right, to be liberated from the obvious misfire that was Homo sapiens and live life as it should have been lived starting 60,000 years ago. Of course, every last Feierhohs Man had evidently been butchered by uprising hordes of sexually jealous Homo sapiens, but perhaps a happier destiny could be found this time. Next, he hooked up a tube to a vast vast of special protein formula. The idea was for the chair to carefully imbibe the formula in increments matching the injections of FRVD.

As no other test subjects were available, Feierhohs managed to seat himself in the too-large chair and hit the button. The chair performed perfectly, However, Feierhohs had managed to completely forget how terrified he was of needles, and blacked out. Left with no conscious operator, the chair simply went on performing its function.

He awoke with a start, vaguely aware that it was already the crack of dawn. He looked down and saw that he was naked, his clothes reduced to shredded tatters, some still clinging to him. He was very hairy, somewhere between a Yeti and Alec Baldwin. He yanked the needles right out of his arms and felt vaguely amused when they healed instantly, losing zero blood.

He stood up and stretched out. He was now a towering living slab of monolithic muscle, masculinity raised to a perhaps incalculable exponent.

"Success ... !" he rumbled warmly with effortless thunderous authority. Yes, he definitely needed to show Vixie. "Hi, Vixie, I'm -- "

He halted. He hated his names, taken from two pillars in a Tarot card by a New Age mother he had happily revolted against. He certainly did not care for the common sound of Jack or Jake, But perhaps --

"Boa," he decided. He somehow did not mind losing the final Z, enjoying the rhyme with Noah. Somehow he also did not note its suggestion of "boa constrictor."

As devoid of shame as Adam before the Fall, Boa stepped out of the shed and began to stride purposefully towards the LUVVIT annex, his phallus slapping back and forth like a third thigh, his high proud gourd-sized testes immediately behind it, not caring at all what anyone might think if they happened to glance out a window. It was a theory of his, worth testing, that in his presence modern woman, even now after 60,000 years, show him all the automatic deference that Feierhohs Man had always fully enjoyed.

"Hi, Vixis, I'm Boa," he rehearsed happily.