"All women love the taste of cum."

John smiled mischievously. This ought to be fun.

He walked to his favorite coffeeshop a few blocks down the street. As usual, it was bustling with customers studying, chatting, and reading. He spotted a couple of cute girls talking over coffee and decided to test the new rule.

"Hey ladies, I hate to interrupt, but would one of you like to suck my dick?"

They both looked at him for a second, then burst out laughing. "Wait a minute," he said, blushing furiously. "Don't you crave the taste of cum?"

The redhead rolled her eyes. "Of course we do, dumbass. I love a good massage too. Doesn't mean I'm gonna blow you for one."

He quickly turned away and headed for the exit. Before he could get there, though, he heard someone call his name.

"Is that you, John Doe?"

He turned and saw Mrs. Peterson. She was an elderly woman who had hosted his mother's bible study for many years.

"I haven't seen you in ages! How are your studies?"

He quietly mumbled that he had dropped out and was jobless, desperately looking for a way out of the conversation. "I'm so sorry to hear that. I'll pray for your job search. John, if it's not too much trouble, could you please crank off into my tea?"

He blinked several times, sure he had misheard. "What?"

"I couldn't help but overhear your offer to those young ladies." she said sweetly, resting a hand on his forearm. "I've never cared for the canned stuff - too many preservatives, you know? It sounds like you've got some fresh semen ready to go, so if you'd like to relieve yourself you can whack off right here."

"Um, maybe another time, Mrs. Peterson." He edged towards the door. She sighed, clearly disappointed.

"What a shame, I do love fresh spunk in my chamomile. Anyway, tell your mother that I'll send out the discussion questions for our group tomorrow."

John fled into the street, practically sprinting back to his house. When he got home he saw his sister's car in the driveway. He tried to sneak upstairs without bumping into her but she saw him passing through the living room. "Hey John, what's up?"

He looked down, avoiding eye contact. "Hey Claire. Y-you're not like, hungry or anything, are you?"

She laughed and punched his arm playfully. "What are talking about, you dork? Emily's coming over for dinner so don't be weird around her."

John breathed a sigh of relief. At least he had one normal interaction today.

"Oh, that reminds me, I'm making risotto, so if you don't mind..."