Big Bang Theory

Arthur Dent woke up.

He blinked his eyes and yawned, scratched his chin, and rolled over. It suddenly stuck him that he was forgetting something.

Was it something he was supposed to do? No...that's not it. Wait, it was something that had happened, something big. Yes, thought Arthur, something had happened. Now what was it?

Did Arsenal win it all this year? No, that didn't sound right. Maybe it was something to do with a lawsuit concerning McDonalds. No, that wasn't right either. Did the Perfectly Normal Beasts already have their migration? That still wasn't it.

Then it dawned on him. The Earth was destroyed...again.

He went back to sleep.

He was awakened by a pair of hands shaking him. A voice attached to the hands said, "Arthur, wake up. We're still alive."

Arthur lazily opened his eyes to see Ford Prefect shaking him. Arthur quickly closed his eyes and said, "No. I'm dead. You may be alive but I am most certainly dead. The Earth was destroyed. I was on it. A person can only survive the end of the world so many times. I'm sure I've used up my quota"

A kind feminine voice seemed to be talking to him from both sides at once. "Arthur, please get up."

Despite his better judgment, Arthur opened his eyes. He saw Tricia McMillan looked down at him with concern on his left. He also saw Trillian looking down with concern at him on his right. Or perhaps that was the other way around?

He sighed very deeply and sat up. He saw that he was on a spaceship. He had been on enough of them to recognize one when saw one. Several large view screens lined up on the walls. A couple of keyboard-like control panels scattered about. The floor had a slight vibration to it, probably from the engine.

"Damn." He said.

Trillian and Tricia helped him to his feet. They both regard him with some concern, and then they left to occupy seats that were conveniently located in front of some of the controls.

Ford said, "Wow, that was close. I though for sure that was it. White lights. Instant Karma." He grinned, "I'm going to have to write a book on escaping doomed planets..."

Arthur interrupted him, "Where's Random?"

Trillian looked up from her controls. "She's in one of the cabins. She's upset that she might have helped destroy the Earth. She's not in a good mood right now."

Arthur said, "I should go talk to her. Which room?"

"The one with the big 'Stay the hell out' sign on the front," said Tricia, "But I really don't think she wants to talk right now."

Arthur replied, "I'm her father, I should be say something." He walked down the hallway to the cabin section. The two women, who were actually the same woman just with a different life, looked at each other and shook their heads.

Ford spoke up, "He has a point."

Trillian said, "About Random?"

"No, the Earth exploding thing. We are all way over our allotted 'get out of planet destruction free' cards."

"This was my actually my first time," said Tricia.

"Well, then the rest of us."

"I think this was a first for Random too." Added Trillian.

Ford said testily, "Fine, point taken. What I mean is, how did we get off? How did we get this ship? Where are we heading?"

Trillian looked at some readouts on a screen. "We aren't headed anywhere. I think we're parked."

"Parked? Where?"

"It looks like in front of the Ursa Major Mega Brothel."

She pointed to the screen. It displayed a large multi-story building adorned with lots of ultra neon. It was an odd architectural style for a building. It had many towers, vestibules, and protrusions, all of which appeared to be vaguely sexual. Another screen showed an image of several dozen shapely beings in front of the ship. Various fingers, tentacles, and other appendages were beckoning seductively for them to come out.

Ford brightened, "All right! We'll down a few Pan Galactic Gargle Blasters, go down on a few Pan Fanastic Gargle Blowers, and come back after we've let off some steam."

Tricia looked at Trillian questioningly. Trillian shrugged and said, "Well, we are here. Maybe we're here for a reason.

A door slams and Arthur comes walking down the hall with a bloody nose "She said that she'd discuss her feelings later."