Tricia McMilian

Tricia McMilian had met a few aliens in her life. She met Ford, who was from Betelgeuse. She met a group of greenish thin aliens that took her to Rupert, the tenth (now ninth) planet from sun Sol. And she met one with two heads at a party several years back.

Now that was all fine and good, but the problem was she had never experienced an alien culture. (The aliens she met on Rupert couldn’t remember their own culture so they borrowed one from Earth.) Therefore, it was quite understandable when a four foot high blob of plasma offered to “show her a ‘real sun spot’ ” she didn’t quite know how to take it.

“Um, thanks, but I think I’ll look around some more.” She said.

The glowing plasma replied, “What’s the matter honey? Afraid to get a little wet?”

She looked at the swirling mass of energy and said, “No. I don’t think that’s it. I’m just going to see what else is available. Thanks anyway.”

The plasma floated off muttering, “Some people just don’t know what they want…”

Tricia found herself a quiet corner, took out the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy that Arthur had lent her, and read up on what the guide said about alien sex. There seemed to be an awful lot of information to go through, so she picked a paragraph at random and started reading.

   Alien sex, the guide said, is not so much a matter of mechanics as it is of attitude. 
   Invariably, if two members of the opposite sex, or three members of the angled
   sex, or four members of the squared sex, or even one hundred and twenty-eight
   members of the hexadecimal sex want to have sex there is always a way to do it.
   (Although in some cases it does involve some devices or minor surgery) The main
   problem is keeping a positive mental attitude. Whether it’s buying gifts, meeting
   parents, or watching a little triangle turn various colors, most cultures have attached
   things to sex that have little to do with the actual act. Therefore it behooves an 
   individual to try to stay chipper while going through those rituals if they want to
   get the action that they crave.

Tricia sighed and put the guide down. She was an extremely intelligent and open-minded person, but this was an awful lot for her to try to comprehend. A few hours ago she was trying to figure out how she could show the people of Earth that aliens on a distant planet liked Elvis and hamburgers without making herself look like an idiot. While Earth being destroyed solved that particular problem for her, she couldn’t help but feel a little glum.

She felt someone sit down beside her. She started to wave whatever it was off. “Thanks, but I’m fine. I really don’t need any….” She trailed off as she looked into the face of the most handsome man she had ever seen.

With the exception of a slightly purple hue and dark blue hair he looked completely human. And what a human! He has built like an Olympic gymnast. His incredibly well defined muscles seemed to flow together like a magnificent puzzle. He had a strong jaw and was clean shaven (not that she knew if he had to shave). Full lips and two of the bluest eyes she had ever seen capped his perfectly proportioned face.

“Hi.” He said in a voice so smooth you could skate on it, “I saw you sitting here and thought you looked lonely. My name’s Galin”

Tricia stared at him with her mouth agape for awhile before composing herself and saying, “Uh hi, Galin. My name is Tricia.”

“Tricia,” he replied, “That is a very lovely name. Why would someone with such a lovely name and face look so lonely?”

“Oh, my planet was just destroyed.”

He pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear, “I’m sorry to hear that.” His voice seemed to bleed compassion. “It must be very hard for you.”

“Not really,” she said, “I thought I would take it much harder than I have.” She felt her nipples harden under his gaze and couldn’t help but wonder if he was human looking down there as well.

“Still, I would like to help in any way I can.”