Paying Rent

I opened and closed my eyes as if that would help me understand the words my friend just said better. We were all gathered in the living room of their apartment, assembled for what my friends' labelled a "group meeting" to discuss my continued stay with them. I knew this was bound to happen soon, I've already been crashing on their couch for two weeks without so much as helping to pay for groceries, but it really isn't my fault; my girlfriend dumped me, kicked me out of our apartment, and then two days later I lost my job! To top it all off the spiteful bitch must have done something to my bank account because all of my savings have been placed on an "indefinite hold" until they sort everything out. I knew my friends' good graces could only last so long, and when I saw their message earlier this morning I braced myself and expected to be kicked out by the end of the day, maybe the end of the week if I was lucky. Instead, we all sat down and they mentioned....other ways I could pay.

"Wait...what?" I said, studying their faces to see if they were serious. "You're joking right?"

"Nah man." Kyle said, face kind but serious. "Two weeks is fine, but you said the bank might keep your cash for a few months. We can't have you sleeping on the couch until next year, especially while eating our food, using our utilities, all that stuff."

"Rent's already going up." Dylan explained.

"I'm sorry, but I have nowhere else to go. I'm not trying to make things harder for you guys." I protested, still shocked at their offer.

"We know you aren't." Marcus began. "That's why we're not just kicking you out. If you want to stay, you can stay, some things just have to change."

"It doesn't have to be weird, or be forever. Just until you can move out." Troy said.

My heart was beating rapidly in my chest as I replayed their words in my mind. They were completely serious, serious about their offer and serious about being tired of me not contributing. I've been friends with these guys since High School but I guess in this economy good will only lasts so long. It was this same economy though that lost me my job, destroyed hiring in my field, and made it a pain in the ass to find anywhere cheap to rent. I was stuck, knew I would be for a while, and even though I was shocked I realized I might have no other options.

"Just...just tell me again. What would I need to do?"

My friends all shared a look before turning back to me.

"Well, because I'm a pharm rep, I have the hookup to a ton of free X-Change pills. Just the basics, you know the little pink ones? They turn you into a chick." Troy began to explain.

"I've heard of them." I said, mouth going dry.

Dylan snorted. "More than heard, we know you took one once."

I had to lock my jaw to keep my mouth from falling open. "How do you know?"

Marcus had the decency to look abashed, if only a bit. "Well remember back when I was dating Olivia? She was friends with....you know..."

"And she must of told her, who told you." I said, shaking my head. Great, another win for my ex. "Well that doesn't matter, it was a dare and one time thing."

"Yeah, but, didn't you say you enjoyed it?"

My face felt like it was burning I was blushing so hard. I felt cornered at their words. I had only ever admitted this to her, and now it was being used against me.

"It was whatever." I grumbled.

They all looked like they didn't believe me.

"Well, even if you liked it or not, the offer stays the same: stay on X-Change while you're here, help keep the house in order, and instead of sleeping on the couch you sleep with us. You'll change bedrooms every night."

"Sleep as in?" I asked.

"Sleep and everything else." Dylan said. "And not just the bedrooms, but out and about to. You'll kind of be like the friend group girlfriend."

"More like the fleshlight." I groaned.

Dylan shrugged. "Think of it however you like."

"Dude, it isn't personal, you just gotta contribute somehow if you want to stay." Troy said. "No one's forcing you to do anything."

"If I say no?" I ask.

"No hard feelings, but you're out by the end of the week." Kyle said.

I couldn't believe this was where I was in life, having to bargain with my friends so I could not get kicked out onto the streets. I also couldn't believe I was going to say yes. Though I knew it would cost me my dignity, I had nowhere else to go.