... hate the Gamer.

"A-As in, no more than zero!" John quickly lied.

He failed to impress either of them. They stared at him in wide-eyed suspicion, and a piece of the window, dangling by a thread of wood, finally fell and shattered.

"Who?" Tricia's single-word question cut to the bone.

"Vanessa?" Moira's tone betrayed her disbelief. "That seems too convenient, given your recent relationship with her."

"Sweet Christ- Vanessa is not my girlfriend!" John blurted out.

Tricia's eyes lit up. "R-Really?"

Moira, too, seemed relieved... for all of three seconds. "Then... No... i-it couldn't be the smuggler... John, tell me you didn't-"

"You guys are taking this way... way out of... hey, wasn't this about a demon?" John chuckled. "I mean, yeah, a succubus! That's... that's a big deal, right?"

"Exceedingly so," Moira grunted. "The influence on your mother was palpable."

John's faux smile faded. "... What?"

"Truly, the interference did not... seem the same, but your mother's regrettable state is surely a result of that demon's power." Moira lowered her hammer. "I was ready to cure her of the power when the demon herself came into vision."

"That's... right," John muttered. "You know, I thought I'd have to owe the Order a favor if you did..."

Moira's eyebrow perked up. "You knew of her condition?!"

"It was Fairy's fault, before I put her on a tighter leash." Moira glanced to the tunnel behind her. "That's Lily," John added. "Fairy's the... fairy."

Moira looked back at him... and seemed wounded, which took the Gamer off-guard. "And you thought I was so mercenary that I would not aid your mother, when she was so direly poisoned, without demanding a favor...?"

"We haven't even touched whatever I owe for what I did today," he tersely replied.

"Nothing," Moira spat back.

The two stared at each other in equal disbelief. Tricia glanced between them, suddenly lost. "... What did John do?" Tricia carefully interrupted. "... Unless you mean you had anal today-"

"No, Tricia! Lady preserve us, it doesn't matter anymore! The Order doesn't know he did it!" Tricia's wide-eyed, blinking stare matched John's own. Moira cleared her throat. "Influence of the Cabal was found to be the most likely source... and I had no reason to correct them."

John took a step towards the Warden. "Why would you... I mean..." His eyes drifted to the floor between them. "... you knew I was at fault."

"Yes, well." She suddenly found something quite interesting about the far wall of the living room.

"You... protected me?"

A jealousy burned in the back of Tricia's throat, and her lips trembled.

WARNING, LIMITERS- UNDERSTOOD. REMINDER SET FOR 5 MINUT- UNDERSTOOD. REMINDER RE-SET FOR 4,131,591 YEARS.

"Do not misjudge me, mage!" She shoved the warhammer near his face to emphasize. "I remain the Warden of the Golden Rose, and your influence on me shall not be mischaracterized as control or favoritism! I... simply recognized t-the innocence in you," she stuttered, "and recognized more clearly the evils and threats of the Cabal! Their presence, even if overestimated, cannot be tolerated-"

"Moira," Tricia suddenly spoke up.

The Warden turned, her eyes still wide as she did her best to convince everyone of her reasons. "You doubt my honor?!"

"Are you going to give John your virginity?"

Moira's cheeks burned as she processed the question.

John cleared his throat. "I don't really see me surviving that quest..."

Tricia gently cocked her head. "Quest?"

"I-I-!" Both turned to Moira, whose face glowed brighter than it had in any skirmish John had witnessed. "I am the Warden of the Golden Rose... a-and I can only gift that... that privilege to my lawfully wedded husband!"

"Very good. Will you be marrying John Newman?"

Moira grew redder, somehow.

"H-Hey," John stammered, raising his hands as if Moira were about to pounce, "don't I get a say in this?"

"Of course." Tricia stepped towards John as she spoke. "John Newman, do you intend to marry Moira Brighton, lay with her, break her hymen, and impregnate her with the future Warden of the Golden Rose, and then never have sex with any other women... ever again?"

"W-Well, that's... wait, that last part, what do you mean?"

"The husband of the Warden becomes the Warden... but he must remain chaste, save to lay with his wife, or the Golden Rose is lost. These are the parameters of that particular gift, John, as I've studied them." Tricia was upon him now, and he naturally took a step back. "Are you prepared for such a life?"

John hesitated, glancing between the Warden and the Gorbachev as he tried to process it all... and stopped considering it when Moira's face fell enough to hide her eyes with her pretty red bangs. "I... I mean... that's kind of-"

"Such perverted hesitation..." Moira's voice trembled. "But of course, one of such low character..."

"H-Hey!"

Tricia happily continued. "Then, we may conclude that neither Vanessa, nor the succubus, nor Moira are your girlfriend. Is that accurate?"

John nodded hesitantly.

Tricia managed a smile, though John couldn't help but feel something... sinister about it. "Well then, that leaves no barriers to the obvious choice: I w-will..." Her voice hitched. Say it... Say it now. Forget the text messages... forget everything...!

"Tricia..." John whispered.

"... I will be your girlfriend."

"Like Hell." Both turned to Moira, whose gritting teeth and rage saw her take slow, menacing steps towards the proposed couple. "I will not be rendered mute... and shown up... by some two-bit healer..."

Tricia's red Eye opened anew, causing John to back away from her. "Excuse me?" The Gorbachev turned to regard the Warden, who raised her shield at the sight of the armed mage. "I believe you already heard his disinterest in-"

"You just wanted to try and steal him from me..." Moira hissed. "Is that why you came here? To take advantage of your proximity... to seduce John?!"

John stared at the rivalry with wide, confused eyes. Wait... when was I Moira's?!

"I fail to see how that's any concern of yours."

"You're both mages." Moira's hair seemed to blow in an unseen wind, and a gentle, golden glow framed her beautiful red locks... and her grim expression. "You are ever my concern, and I will not allow this." Moira raised her hammer, but Tricia's eye was already flashing at point blank range, and its wrath threw her blond hair back. The Warden's shield rose to try and catch the invisible ray-

THUUM.

All three parties went flying into the far walls, with Moira crashing into the red bricks. The Warden cursed and, seeing John's tunnel to her left, charged through it towards Tricia' flank at the other end of the room. The Gorbachev, still on her knees from bouncing off the wall, ignored her various alarms and prepared to attack the Warden anew.

John rolled to his feet, yelling, "Stop this!"

"By the light of the Lady!"

A blinding flash, and neither Tricia nor John could see Moira. John tried to wince past the blinding pain... and, following a hideous thud, watched as a lithe, mostly-black body went flying, head-first, past his field of view. Fuck, Moira's going to kill her- Another explosion, this time at Moira's feet, sent shrapnel flying into John, tearing his t-shirt apart.

-23hp

Fuck, Tricia's going to kill us all!

John's mind raced to some way to stop their fight without killing either of them. One half of his sofa whizzed past his face, barely missing him and smashing to cloth and wood against the wall to his left. His vision finally restored, he watched the two continue to tear the room apart, and tried throwing a tunnel between them as Tricia fired another shot. The resulting beam blasted into the portal and out the other end, laid flat on the floor in the corner, and shattered more of the imaginary ceiling. "Ladies, please-!"

Tricia looked towards Lily's corner, and John grew alarmed-

Her eye flickered, and fired the line at Moira's flank through the other end of the first tunnel, striking the Warden's leg from the unsuspecting warrior's left, and shattering the knee.

Moira screamed her pain, and John, terrified of more such attacks, shut off all of his tunnels-

Lily appeared, covering her ears, and looking around in a black-framed panic. Tricia's eye flickered anew- and blasted the wooden panels that replaced the succubus as the latest tunnel covered Lily once more, pointing its latest exit to the same corner's floor. Tricia tsked at the missed opportunity-

THWAK.

The warhammer smashed into her mystical eye and skull, carrying her downward with its **** as her body whipped backwards and downwards. The hammer ended its journey into the ground, driving the blonde's skull into the bottom of the Warden's Cell with terrifying ****. Moira, her face twisted with hate, stood on her good leg and raised her hammer from where she had bludgeoned the Gorbachev into unconsciousness. Tricia's eyes were closed, and her suit was still recovering from the blow. Moira was going to hit the healer again.

Tricia is going to die... but if I hit Moira, with her leg as it is, what if she... how can I-

"In the name of the Lady!" The hammer glowed with holy light, and promised an end. It came barreling down at the stunned, blonde mage's face-

THWAK.

Moira blinked angrily, and inhaled sharply as she observed the wall beneath her. John opened yet another tunnel, this one the whole length of Tricia's body, and pressed its opposing side against the far wall. Moira stared up at the meddling mage, but he was already at her side, crouching and sneaking into her personal space as she tried to recover on one leg.

"John, she's-"

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "but this is the only way..." ... I can stop you both without hurting you. He didn't say it aloud; she watched and cursed as his face came close, and blushed as hungry lips found hers.

Aphrodisiac applied! Target is now 2,800% more receptive to you.

She moaned in protest, but her grip on the hammer weakened so greatly that John managed to pull it from her grip and toss it, harmlessly, away.

Moira healed for 30hp.
Moira (quickcast) healed for 30hp.
Moira healed for 30hp.
Moira (quickcast) healed for 30hp.

Her grip on her shield loosened; he grabbed its edge and pulled it free of her arm, letting it clang to the ground as she pressed her damaged t-shirt and pock-marked motorcycle jacket against him. She stood on the repaired leg, and moaned once the waves of pleasure had none of her injuries to contend with.

Finally, with her wits as collected as she could manage, she pulled away from his mouth long enough to speak. "Why... why are you... doing this to me...?!"

"I can't control minds," John sighed, "and I wasn't sure how else to calm either of you down without hurting you."

"Uuugh..." A groan, a living groan, and John felt relief as he heard the first evidence that Tricia was apparently alive. He let the tunnel drop, and revealed that her skull was still quite intact.

"No, John... she's still... a dan...g... God... it's so... so hot..." Moira wrestled her jacket off, and John took the distraction to kneel by the other quarreler.

He tapped the round cheeks of the Gorbachev's face, hoping to get a response. Her HP pool passively ticked upwards, and rapidly so, until it was finally at max. Her three eyes snapped open, and she looked ready to kill John, Moira, or anyone in her way. "Tricia, it's alright! The fight's over!"

Tricia caught sight of Moira past John's head- and the two were jumped back into the strange, red-brick expansion of his living room just as she was ready to fire. Tricia blinked as she realized the change in position, and stared daggers at the man she ached to possess. "She started this fight-!"

"Tricia, if you don't calm down, I'll do it for you!"

Tricia blinked at John, her expression furious. "Do what, John? Save me from getting what I deserve?" A fourth eye opened at her right temple; a fifth eye by her left ear. John solidified his stance, resisting the urge to run from the freak in his grip. She was losing control again; they couldn't afford her to be as angry as she was with Dell, not in a barrier this small. "I can't believe you would take her side-"

"Tricia, you're getting too angry," he tried to calmly explain, though his hands couldn't help but squeeze her shoulders. "You need to calm down-"

"Calm down?!" she barked.

MENTAL COMMAND RECEIVED. MANUAL IDENTIFICATION OF OMEGA THREAT CONFIRMED. ALL LIMITERS RELEASED.

John sensed her growing anger, and tried to forcefully calm her.

Augment emotion (calm) failed to overcome target's resistance (tactical suppression lifesuit).

More eyes appeared on her arms and face, and John knew she couldn't be talked down. Can I even affect her with this damn suit of hers?!

Acquisition failed: tactical suppression lifesuit resisted.

Desperately, John looked to her neck, where he knew a choker was camouflaged by her faux skin... and remembered its apparent function, back when he scanned it at her lab. Her eyes glinted, and sent multiple waves of new destruction into the wall between her and the living room. The whole of it exploded, blinding the mage with debris as she tried to squint and catch sight of the enemy.

John had blinked to lay beside her, and coughed along with her as the brief cloud of annihilated wall settled. She'd be able to shoot Moira soon; he had to work fast.

John slipped his hand behind Tricia's neck. He dug his fingers into her suit, squeezed until he could wrap his digits around the gemstone-choker that he knew was the core of the suit-

She didn't even notice John anymore. She only knew an enemy was here and was trying to disarm her, to rip away her security... to take away that membrane that kept the world out, even now as she made it as thin as it could be.

"No!" she screamed, and threw her hands back, an eye in each palm, and tried to blast off the offending hand.

It was a reaction blinded by anger. Truthfully, John would've struggled to break the thing without ruin, which had been his intention... but the **** of her attacks were another matter entirely.

-108hp
-108hp

His fingers stung, but he managed to hold on to the crystal... now pulverized into a fistful of bits.

WHY... WOULD YOU... DO.... THAAAAAAAAAAAAT...

Tricia's mouth hung open as the computer's dying message slowly faded from her mind. The skin of her face blackened, and then disintegrated with the loss of the magic that kept it corporeal, revealing the pallid flesh of the shut-in gamer girl hiding underneath. Tricia mewled in a panic as confusing sensations touched her flesh, of bare clothes rubbing her nipples and clitoris in unwelcome, raw intensity, and only grew more alarmed as John swung around, mounting her and bringing her face up to his. With mana drained from his own life, he tapped her lips with the spell on the tip of his tongue, and blew all the mana he had remaining.

Equilibrium used.
-500hp

Aphrodisiac applied! Target is now 3,066% more receptive to you.

John sighed into her mouth as he withdrew his tongue. "Girls are so fucking-"