You're male and you put an order in for a female.

Though, truth be told, you didn't mean to. You were trying to order your textbooks for the classes you were taking this coming semester, but some pop-up had gotten in the way without you noticing.

It wasn't until the email confirmation came in that you realized you'd spent way too much money on the wrong thing. You groaned and resigned yourself to pirating the textbooks. It was free, but you really wanted to be able to take notes in the margins. You took a closer look at the order itself.

"Kimdile, arriving to Kevin Douglas in two days."

Kimdile? What in the world had you ordered? Scrolling down, you were treated to an image of a petite green-skinned goblin girl with a flat chest and a flat rear wearing a t-shirt and jeans. She was smiling up at the camera nervously with beautiful purple eyes, framed by raven-black hair.

You sighed. Figures you'd accidentally order some cosplaying prostitute. You decided to put it out of mind, and see what you could cut in the budget to make up for the accidental purchase. Maybe you'd be able to get those textbooks after all if you stuck to ramen for the rest of the year...

Two days later, there was a knock at the door. You sighed and went to answer it. As soon as the door opened, however, you were suddenly embraced passionately... from the waist down.

You looked down and froze. The girl at your waist was definitely the girl in the picture, right down to the green skin and dark hair, but she couldn't be taller than your belly button. And you weren't exactly a particularly tall person. How old was she? The girl hugged you tightly, sniffling a little. You put a hand on her shoulder, somewhat concerned. "Are you alright?"

She froze at your touch, pausing. She then took a deep breath through the nose and looked up, her purple eyes teary. "I didn't think anyone would ever choose me. Thank you so much, Kevin."

"Choose you? I'm confused. Why don't you come inside?"

She nodded and let go, wiping her face before backing up and picking up a single suitcase half her size with both hands, leaning back heavily. She waddled the suitcase towards the door for a moment before you just took the suitcase. She looked up at you gratefully as you both walked into your little studio apartment.

She sat down on the couch as you put down the suitcase. She started talking before you even turn her way.

"I know there are a lot of us to pick from, and I'm real glad that you picked me. I've been worrying that I'd never get picked and that I'd have to end up working the mines like so many others. I was getting to that age, too, where I'd be too old, and I'm just so grateful to be with a husband after all this time."

"Wait, is this part of the bit? Never mind, how old are you?" You walked to the couch and sat down next to her.

"Bit?" She looked up at you in confusion before hesitantly answering your other question. "I'm almost twenty five years old. Most goblins who don't get married before then don't get married ever, and certainly not to a human."

You were shocked. Twenty five? There was no way. "Do you have any form of ID?"

"Eye-dee? I don't... Oh, wait! That's part of those papers that the humans here make you have, right? I'll go get those right away!"

She scurried down from the couch and over to her suitcase, opening a flap and pulling out a manilla envelope before running it to you, thrusting it into your hands. Confused, you opened it, and dumped the contents out onto your lap. The first thing on top was a marriage certificate with Kevin Douglas and Kimdile in the appropriate slots, with a signature in the judge's slot. You were only more confused as the next pieces of paper are a birth certificate for one Kimdile, with "Coaltown" listed as the place of birth. Passport for your country, citizenship verification, and finally, a small plastic identification card with Kimdile in the name slot, listing her height and description, plain as day. According to all of this, she really was just under twenty-five.

You took a close look at the marriage certificate. You'd never seen one in person, of course, but as far as you could tell...

"Wait, this is real?"

Kimdile nodded enthusiastically. "I spent the last two days making extra sure! It was a lot of work, but here it is! Did I do a good job?"

You slowly put it all back in the envelope and looked at her carefully. Suddenly, you realized that se wasn't wearing makeup, her pores were visible. She wasn't wearing contacts, either. And you took a quick glance at her ears...

Pointed, and nearly as long as your hands. not prosthetic, either, as evidenced by her twitching them nervously under your prolonged stare.

Sitting back, you let out a big breath, when it suddenly hit you. "I'm married?"