Witchy Woman

Not only were you unwilling to bring Susannah along with you for your current excursion, you aren't even prepared to let her know the identity, and in particular the alleged status, of the person you've arranged to meet with. Your girlfriend would probably think you have lost your mind if you disclosed that information, and maybe you have. Or perhaps you've just reached the point where you're desperate enough not to dismiss ideas you would have found laughable under any normal circumstances.

After your disastrous trip to the magic shop not only failed to alleviate a situation that has been spinning increasingly out of control for some time now. but actually made things worse, you've become open to exploring any avenue that might lead to a solution, no matter how far fetched it appears.

There are a surprisingly large number of people online, both male and female, who claim to practice witchcraft. It instinctively sounds like fairy tale nonsense to you, of course. But then so did genies and magical wishes until very recently. After you'd weeded out all of the self-proclaimed practitioners of magic who came across as either mad or obvious charlatans you were left with a very short shortlist, from which you selected a young lady named Noelle as your first port of call. Three things about Noelle led you to choose her. Firstly, she is conveniently located within minutes of your home. Secondly, she seems to be roughly your own age - if not a little younger. Thirdly, and most importantly, if the photo on her website is genuine and not stock then she's crazy hot - and in a moody goth girl style that you've always been strangely and secretly drawn to.

You knock on the front door of the apartment you've been directed to and feel strangely nervous as you prepare to meet a potential real life witch. However, once it opens you become intimidated for an entirely different reason.

Holy smoke! That picture Noelle put up on her website really didn't do the woman justice. This is no crooked nosed, green skinned old hag you're now face to face with, but an almost indisputable ten out of ten hottie.

You appear to have caught her interest too. Or at least the mysterious accessory on your hand has.

"Oh my goodness, that's the ring you were talking about?" are her first words to you.

"You can see it?" you reply in amazement, since it seems nobody else has been able to up until now.

"I can" she confirms "You'd better come in"

---

"I'm afraid to say you're cursed"

That revelation really should have come as more of a blow to you, but as was delivered by a beautiful woman who is gently caressing your hand while examining the mysterious artefact adorning it, your overriding feeling is one of inconvenient and entirely inappropriate horniness.

"It seems like that sometimes" you admit "But on the other hand I'm now mega rich, live in a giant mansion, drive a Bugati and am constantly surrounded by beautiful and often naked women. Does that sound cursed to you?"

"And yet you came to me to try and fix things" Noelle reminds you.

"It was more to try and help me get them under control. This thing does have a tendency to make my wishes backfire"

"Yes, cursed objects will do that"

"Is it not just a case of me wording my wishes carelessly though?"

"Unlikely" she shakes her head emphatically and moves back to her chair "It appears your ring has effectively been programmed to warp whatever you say, usually with an emphasis on producing an overtly sexual outcome."

"That has happened quite a few times" you have to confess "But not every wish has gone that way."

"Perhaps not." Noelle pauses thoughtfully for a moment "or perhaps the effects aren't immediately apparent to you. Give me an example of a wish that hasn't been warped."

"Okay, so I wished for a huge mansion and I got one to live in rent free."

"And there's nothing unusual about the mansion?"

"No" you consider the question for a few seconds longer "Actually, any woman who lives in it gets uncomfortably horny if I don't sleep with them once a week. But I thought that might have been a wish I made when I was drunk and then forgot about."

"You've been getting blind drunk with this thing on?" Noelle looks at you with dismay.

"Just once, at the house warming party!" you attempt to defend yourself "Also, I'm not being funny, but that so called cursed wish doesn't exactly work out badly for me. There's literally a roster that's been drawn up for me to sleep with all of the women who live with me at least once every seven days. And I fancy all of them."

"Right, but the point of the curse might not be specifically to inconvenience you. It could be using you as a catalyst to wreak sexual chaos all around you."

"Are genies supposed to do that? I thought they were bound to be almost absurdly obedient to their owner"

"And what makes you think you own a genie?"

"Well, she came out of her lamp when I rubbed it. Isn't that how it works?"

Noelle laughs at this. Not cruelly, but she is clearly amused. You realise you are somehow coming out of this conversation sounding more unhinged than the person who claims to have magical powers.

"I'm telling you, that's what happened!"

"Are you sure she came out of the lamp?"

"Yes"

"You saw that happen?"

"Yes.." you start, before remembering things a little more accurately "Well, no. But she was standing in front of me not long after I was rubbing it, as if she'd appeared out of thin air."

"I'm pretty sure you'll find the lamp was a decoy." the witch advises you "Whatever it was you spoke to might not even have been a genie, or look anything like the form it appeared to you in. Malicious spirits often present as beautiful women, for example."

Okay, this is starting to freak you out a little. And another troubling thought suddenly hits you.

"How do I know you aren't a malicious spirit then?"

Shit. Your mouth blurted that line out before your brain had the chance to approve it.

"Well, I'm flattered you would have that concern about me" Noelle tells you with a heavy dose of sarcasm "And the answer is you don't. But if you're willing to trust me, I can help you. Or at least try to. I need to be sure I can't be personally affected by your wishes though, otherwise I'm out."

"So what do you want me to do?"

"Use a minor wish on me. But DO NOT try and give me giant boobs or make me horny for you or anything at all like that. Maybe see if you can turn my hair pink."

Of all the things you could do to a hot girl you have near limitless magical power over, turning her hair pink would be one of the last things on your mind. But whatever. Noelle would look pretty cute with pink hair., you can't help thinking. And maybe, if you really are cursed, your command will strip her naked and give her pink pubes. Man, that would be hot! But wait, you don't want your wish to work on her, right? Get your shit together, Rory!

"I wish for Noelle to have pink hair"

And nothing happens. Your ring doesn't bleep, you don't lose a wish, and Noelle still looks like a sexy goth with jet black hair. You're starting to think this girl might just be the real deal.

"Okay, I'm willing to help you" the witch decides "But in order to have any chance of solving this problem, I'm going to need to be in close proximity to you pretty much twenty four seven for quite some time. I'd need to move into your mansion, I think."

"I can give you a room right away, no problem." you respond, perhaps a little too eagerly

"Furthermore, I don't want anyone there other than you knowing I'm a witch. So we'll have to do whatever it takes to pass me off as one of your girls, I suppose."

"If you want to blend in.." you almost don't want to say this. But also you really, really do "You'd have to go on the rotor?"

"Yes, I'd figured that out all by myself" Noelle answers calmly.

Huh? Seriously? That was not the response you had expected. Perhaps this absurdly hot woman was just looking for an excuse to fuck you all along?

It could happen.

Though it seems incredibly unlikely.

"And you don't have a problem with that?"

"It's not my dream scenario" she shrugs "But it will be worth it."

"Because you'll get to study a genuine magical artefact close up?" you figure.

"No, because I'm going to give you the number of a bank account and you're going to wish for a million pounds to appear in it every day for as long as I'm staying with you."

"You want a million a day?" you instinctively react with outrage "That's a bit bloody steep isn't it?"

"It won't cost you anything. It's money you would be conjuring out of thin air, for fucks sake" the witch tells you with more than a hint of exasperation "Let me ask you a question - how much cash have you given yourself so far, on top of your sports care and mansion?"

"I dunno. A couple of hundred million quid?"

"Right then, I want two million pounds a day" Noelle stands and extends her hand "Do we have a deal?"

You nod and shake it. Honestly, it would be worth that amount of magicked up money just to add Noelle to your fuck rotor. If she can get to the bottom of this curse, that would be like a lovely freebee bonus on top.

"Excellent. I can move in tomorrow. I look forward to working with you, Rory."