Week 1 Fan Mail: Staff

Sera

The first in the small pile of mail and gifts for Sera was a basket of food wrapped simply but elegantly, belying the nature of the one who sent it, something Sera knew intuitively.

Sera,
Congratulations are to be given on making it to the end of your first round. I'll admit I am somewhat relieved by the different settings in our time dilation matrices as already even at different paces, we have the uncanny fortune of airing similar episodes in line with each other. Not that I suspect foul play from such a seasoned host of course, our...'methodologies' are quite different afterall. But I would hate for the audience to be under the misapprehension that there was any sort of plagiarism afoot.
Regardless, I must say I find your honeyed approach to be intriguing. Considering the stakes at play, you have done a marvelous job at putting them out of your casts mind and to ignore the dangers to come. For that, I must applaud your subtlety and skill. A demon would be envious of the craft at work.
Attached I have sent gifts of pomegranate, cheeses, and Prosciutto Crudo, along with a porron of wine. Enjoy
Cin cin!
Lucian Medici

“Well, Lucian,” Sera remained civil despite his attempts at provocation, “you know what they say about honey and vinegar—though my cast are certainly far more lovely than flies. You might consider trying it yourself, though I know you’re especially eager to impress at the moment. Do keep in mind, though, whose opinions matter in this line of work.” Inside she was seething. She gave an honest attempt at establishing rapport between them, only to be met with thinly-veiled insults? What a nasty little brat. Sera thought to herself as she had Umbra work on delivering the food to Café Au Lait for the staff to enjoy later. Some 200 years my elder, but he’s still just an angry child. And he’s gotten that much worse now that his mommy’s come to visit him. She moved on with the knowledge that she’d very likely just gotten the most trying part of her day done with.

Dear Sera,
You have a truly wonderful season, but I do wonder where you plan to go from here? 10 weeks is a long time, and you already have two contestants well on their way to 100 VP. Do you plan a higher score total like Shar's season? Or do you plan for there to be daily orgies as soon as possible?
Sincerely,
Vizrokoth

“Please, I only wish I had it so easy.” Sera scoffed. “I’d love nothing more than for them to follow in the footsteps of Shar’s cast. Do you know how much more free time I would have if all they were getting up to was orgies? That aside, I have my plans to keep the season from stagnating. And you’ll all find out quite soon.” She gave a knowing smile as she moved onto the next piece of mail. Her face briefly showed the tiniest hints of a grimace as she saw the name before she composed herself. Why does it seem like the number of people with this name associating with the show only seems to multiply?

Dearest Sera,
Wow. What a season so far. Love the themes, the choice of contestants, the surprise mistress reveal (love that she got the chance at her fresh start) and the doorway magic is an underutilised tool. Can you believe so many Hosts just have their casts black out to pull them to the Hotel? It’s so needlessly blunt, when there’s a perfectly good symbolic link with just crossing a threshold. Just let them walk in! It’s not even any harder!
Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes. I’m loving the story so far, but how about you? Anything you’re particularly proud of, or that you think could have gone better?
With love,
Scarlet (Host of Harem Hotel: Storytelling Edition)
P.S. Enclosed is one of my quills, for if you ever need a second chance, a fresh start, or to rewrite your story.

[Phoenix Quill
A long feather quill with shifting colours of red, orange and gold. It writes with red ink and never needs dipping. Its magic can be used once to rewrite part of a story, such as editing a transformation or a backstory.]

“Quite an impressive gift, indeed.” Sera carefully examined the feather. “Thank you, though I’ll have to keep it well-hidden. This degree of power isn’t suitable for my season. I do hope you’ll understand.” Sera pulled out a palm-sized mirror and pushed the feather through, the glass rippling like water. “As for your questions, I do believe some of the descriptions of the transformations in the first vote could have been worded a touch more clearly. I’ve been working with some focus groups behind the scenes, and it should hopefully be resolved now with the set of transformations at the end of the challenge today.” She moved on to a letter from a familiar name, wrapped in a game-themed envelope.

Dear Sera,
Congrats on the start to another excellent season. As always you remain super sexy and do impeccable work. Especially love how you have handled that troublemaker Cecilia so far. Maybe I should follow your example and put Alex to work. Maybe then she'll appreciate all the favors I'm doing for her. Oh well not your problem. Do be careful though to not pull a Shar. Your harem is earning VP at an impressive rate and you don't want to have to keep panic moving the goalposts like she did. Good luck and thanks for the awesome show
Your fellow host,
Sally
P.S. How is Alice doing? Will she be on the show at some point? I always enjoy seeing her on HH now that the jerk is gone

“Everyone cautions against following Shar’s footsteps, but has anyone thought to themselves that perhaps she’s in exactly the position she wants to be in?” Sera posited. “Who’s to say that she didn’t secretly plan to reach that point all along? Likewise, I’ve planned sufficiently to ensure things run as smoothly as possible. Though the actions of certain individuals might have been regrettable, they were also well within expectations.” She nearly moved on before remembering to address Sally’s postscript. “Oh, and Alice is doing quite well. Thank you for asking. I’m sure she’ll stop by eventually, but for right now, she’s still enjoying her travels between dimensions. She recently visited a world in which all of the women greeted each other by planting a kiss on each breast. Thankfully, they were a species with only two breasts, otherwise it would be quite time-consuming.”

Dear Sera, I must say as lovely as this season is I fear your highhandedness might come to backfire. I personally believe you should have at least restricted Cecilia's employee privileges until the end of the round, and make her write a small sermon on the glory of Aífe every week. And that you should have been somewhat stricter with Erica by instead allowing the audience to choose how her path changed by allowing them to select the first transformation of a new path.
Even with those punishments you would still be one of the kindest hosts. Although I do wonder if we should not put you up as more of an exemplar, recently a host candidate won a lottery to run his own season and some of the things he is saying worries me for the future of this show and the newer hosts search for novelty in extremes.
-- Assistant-Producer Jewel

“A reasonable criticism.” Sera admitted. “But temperance is one of the most important parts of meting out punishment. A healthy dose of fear is good—they need to remember that their actions have consequences, after all, but too much and it will fester into resentment. Besides, if entering my private office without permission was such a grave matter, do you think I would have left the door unlocked?” She smiled slyly as she opened the next letter.

To my Esteemed Colleague,
Congrats on reaching the end of your first round, Sera. I know this can be such a rough gig sometimes. I see you have a great batch to work with. Hopefully, that troublemaker Cecilia will repent and truly incorporate the gospel according to Aífe into her heart, so you don’t need to take further action against her. Eliminations are never pleasant. If you ever need anything, just let me know.
Best Wishes,
Cassandra
Host of Harem Hotel: Missed Encounters

“Thank you, Cassandra. Miss Pine is a work in progress. While I’ve no doubt that her brashness will lead her to break the rules again, intentionally or otherwise, there are still several measures left for me to try before it would result in elimination. Unless she places herself or another in serious danger, that is, but even she isn’t that foolish.”

Noticing the sender of her next piece of mail, she braced for several pages of text, only to find a letter of perfectly reasonable length. She’d heard others complain about this particular sender in the past, so she was taken aback to seem them be so brief.

Greetings.
First above all, my greetings and apologies to Umbra, Ember, Missy, Holly, April, May, Rain, Brooke, Spring and Fuyumi.
While I strive to renew some good habits, I ended up being unable to settle on individual mail and must resort to this. But despite the constraints, this deadline I refused to miss.
I do guess congratulations are also in order for having two fellow Contestants climbing up this fast. I can only hope they all manage it. If not as fast, all satisfied and happy with how they end there.
…And hoping the future ‘drama’ doesn't break people. I can only speculate. And… Wonder about the ‘other side’ and Umbra's sister. At the end, I do guess it boils down to you valuing Aife's happiness as much as you say so, since I am sure her happiness would rely on their well-being. And… well, would be crass to say more. And the fact Shar does seem to have a liking for you despite her… actions when the season isn't hers.
Still, sincere congratulations for yourself too on the personal level. I will confess I feel curious about if and when your lady wife may appear… and hope this is not a wish I regret seeing fulfilled.
Still, I can only wish for the continued happiness of all involved here. Always what I felt was the better form of entertainment. Hope I get someday to visit here, and be happy for the fact.
May you keep going.
Isabelle ‘Hardric’ Richards.

“I appreciate the congratulations,” Sera smiled, “and I’ll be sure to pass on your greetings to my staff. I certainly believe I value Aífe’s happiness, and I hope that you and the other viewers trust that when I am forced to act in a manner that saddens her, it is only for her benefit in the long run. As for your curiosity on some matters brought up in my office last night… Well, let’s just say that it’s better not to ask questions you might regret finding the answer to.” She dramatically held a finger over her lips in a gesture of silence.

Finally, she came across an envelope of an… uncanny nature. It seemed both a bit too real and not real enough, as if it were glitching slightly.

To: Sera 
Hello. I can not give my name at this time sadly, but you can think of me as MM, for now. I am a soon to be host of a new season I'm sure you will find very interesting; a certain fox has taken much inspiration from both you and Shar so that should tell you quite a lot of what that would entail. That is assuming you have not met her yet; if you have… well… you understand; she practically exudes what a season created by her would be like. Anyway, you can thank me for corralling her in from sending every single one of your cast members a five thousand word ‘letter’ as well as who knows what she would send; I still have some control over her. Anyhow, I just wished to make you aware of my presence and for you to be aware of my season when it starts; the fox is… frustrating with her scheduling, as you are very well aware of, or at least someone above you is. Enclosed is a thumb drive you can plug into any computer or whatever you wish and will give you access to my season when it begins airing; we are keeping things on the… down low for lack of a better word and it will be hard to find it manually. When it releases, it will also give you a couple options to apply a… filter of sorts. The fox insisted on offering this because she knows Shar’s thoughts on it and wanted to make sure she could watch. Anyway, it was nice to speak with you, even through a letter; maybe once the fox stops dragging her feet and the season starts airing we could talk properly, perhaps over something to eat. Farewell for now.
-A soon to be fellow host of a season with a trans lesbian ‘Mistress’

Written just below, in pink glitter ink, was a postscript:

She did not ask you on a date or anything!!! Just want to clarify!!! I mean, she is a lesbian because duh, but she did not mean that last part as asking you out or whatever!!!

“I’d heard that the new blood was… interesting.” Sera remarked as she looked down at the thumb drive resting in her palm—the letter and envelope having vanished. “Likewise, I’d heard that said new blood was trying to put together something almost wholly opposed to the vision of the Producers, ill-advised as that may be.” She tucked the drive into the folds of her dress. “I make no promises, but I’ll at least give it a cursory glance—I’ve hardly had enough time to keep up with the more explicitly sanctioned seasons, as is, so I make no promises.”

Umbra

Are you the one they call Umbra?
Is there any more effective assistant across the whole of Harem Hotel? Do you know, despite my broad and deep pool of knowledge, that I haven’t been able to think of anyone better at the job than you?
I am curious, how many things must one like yourself have seen in the line of duty? Is there anything you know about your season and your set that your Host does not?
Perhaps we will speak again sometime?
Cleo (Shopkeeper of Harem Hotel: Storytelling Edition)
P.S. Scarlet here. Sorry, Cleo is a curious girl (and hard to hold a conversation with). I’m sure you’re not keeping secrets from dear Sera, just like I hope Cleo isn’t keeping any secrets from me. Have one of her claws as a present. Don’t worry, I promise I didn’t just yank it out of her - it’s only a metaphor.

[Sphynx’s Claw Letter Opener
A sharp, curved claw mounted on a small bone handle. It always feels warm, as if it has just been sitting in the sun. Its magic can be used once to open the way to a secret or compel an honest answer to a question.]

“What a foolish question.” Umbra rolled her eyes. “Even if there was something Sera was in the dark about, why would I tell you? At least your assessment of my skills is quite good.”

Dear Umbra,
Congrats on getting named. I know you'll probably say you don't care but happy for you anyway. It's nice for those you care about to have something familiar to call you after all. Keep up the great work
A fan,
Sally
P.S. I wanted to send you a gift but always want to make sure first with living ones. Unfair to the creatures to send them to someone that doesn't want to take care of them after all. If you would love to have an Umbreon press yes. If not press no. Yes/No

“I’d expect someone as obsessed with this show as you are to have a better memory for this sort of thing.” The corner of Umbra’s mouth just barely lifted up in a smirk. “They didn’t name me; I simply told them that that is what I’m called. Ember’s the one who was so eager for a new name after being alone so long she forgot her old one.” She scrutinized the yes or no options at the end. “What’s an Umbreon?” She asked with the intent of the others hearing.

“Wait, is someone offering you an Umbreon?” Aífe perked up, Aoba and Aria similarly interested. “You’ve gotta say yes!”

“Based on her degree of excitement, you’d be better off giving it to Lady Aífe.” Umbra shrugged, making it so no one else could hear her again. “My duties keep me very busy, and I’m hardly some doting animal lover.”

Greetings and Salutations,
Umbra, until recently, I too was a cog in the Harem Hotel machine. I was recently gifted to my Master. I must say it was a truly orgasmic feeling. While Aífe is clearly inferior in every way to my owner, I doubt the Hosts would allow you to join my Master’s harem instead. I encourage you to advocate for your reassignment to Aífe’s bed, so that you may serve her properly. After all what kind of maid are you? You haven’t cleaned out your Mistress, as is your duty. Alas, neither have I. My programming forbids me from doing so without a direct command.
May you soon be upgraded,
ASTRID
Automated Servant Trained for Repetition, Intimacy, and Domestication.

“Pfft, please.” Umbra blew a puff of air through her lips as she rebuked her. “You’re about a hundred and eighty years too early to lecture me on how to be a maid. I think whoever designed you was thinking way too much with their nethers—hardly surprising, given they weren’t even of sound enough mind to remember the difference between ‘Domestication’ and ‘Domesticity’. Besides, when did I ever say I even wanted this job in the first place. May you soon be upgraded to know your place.”

Ember

Dear Ember,
Congrats on getting a name. Such a cute one too. Great to see that everyone is enjoying your excellent cooking. Speaking of I hope you aren't upset I'm sending Aife and her harem a bunch of food to celebrate their first challenge. I don't want to step on any toes. Feel free to have some as well if you want
A fan,
Sally
P.S. I wanted to send you a gift but always want to make sure first with living ones. Unfair to the creatures to send them to someone that doesn't want to take care of them after all. If you would love to have a Flareon press yes. If not press no. Yes/No

“Thank you, Sally.” Ember answered flatly, though her tail wagged a couple of times. “Do not worry about my toes; I would never deny you your gift to the cast for such a foolish reason as pride. As for your offer, I am afraid I do not know what a Flareon is. How clean is it, and what temperatures can it withstand? I spend quite a bit of time in the kitchen, so I do not want to risk it contaminating any food, and my room is a cavern beneath the building filled with several pools of magma that I sleep in. If it is a creature that is clean and able to comfortably survive temperatures of at least 1000 degrees Fahrenheit, then I am willing to accept. Otherwise, might I suggest you offer it to Lady Aífe, instead?”

Her next piece of mail was a box containing a simple black apron.

Ember, your cooking and personality are truly exquisite. As you know every harem deserves an excellent cook, and you would make an excellent one for Aífe. For this reason I have included an apron with a simply delicious enchantment any who gaze upon it and wonder what you would like in only it will see you in nothing but it.
-- Assistant-Producer Jewel

“Thank you very much, Jewel. I have heard of this concept of a ‘naked apron’, but I have never tried it myself, as I am cold-blooded and the kitchen is kept at temperatures fit for humans, in case one of our guests should like to make something for herself.” She removed her old apron and replaced it. Looking down at herself while she tied the strings, she saw no difference. Was it perhaps because she was not someone who wondered what she’d look like in a naked apron? She pulled slightly at the straps and addressed Aífe and her harem.

“Do I look any different?” Ember’s voice caused them to all look simultaneously, their jaws dropping when they saw her.

“It would appear that the enchantment works.” Ember’s response was still flat, but her tail was actively wagging. “Thank you once again, Jewel.”

Dear Ember,
I am Smug; you may have heard of me. I like dutiful workers who make tasty snacks, whether that’s by putting food on the table, themselves in my bed, or themselves on my table. If for some reason Sera’s establishment closes, consider this a… well, not a job offer per se, but something close. Also, assuming Sera allows the trade, which Cassandra seems personally doubtful that she will, I’m willing to exchange one drop of my blood for a hundred of your finest meat pies. Sera should be able to help you make a potion with it to help you evolve into a greater dragonoid of some kind, likely gaining wings and horns. Alas, I’m currently in a timeout, so I can’t simply come visit to taste your delicious cooking. So act quickly on this limited time offer.
Regards.
Smug
The Majestic, The Avaricious, The Everchanging, The Enchanting, The Indomitable. The Penetrator, The Dexterous, The Silken Tongued

“Should I have heard of you?” Ember’s question was earnest, blunt as it might have come across. “I do not have any intentions of leaving my current post, but if something were to happen to it, I would most likely return to my old cavern in Wales. As for your other offer, I am afraid that is something I am not interested in, as evolving in such a trivial manner would feel meaningless. Also, might I offer the advice that the more titles one uses, the less weight each one carries? An old acquaintance of mine who ruled the island we were on once told me that.”

Fuyumi

As Fuyumi lazily prepped her shop to open, knowing that she was unlikely to receive any visitors due to it being challenge day, she was surprised to find a letter sitting on her counter.

Dear Fuyumi,
I hope you didn't get into too much trouble with Sera. Personally I think your method is a wonderful way of taking measurements. Practical and super sexy. More clothing stores should adopt that method I say. Well at least you are getting a lot of business. Way more than the clothing shop on some seasons get. Hopefully they keep coming to see you and you keep providing them with fun sexy clothes
A fan,
Sally

“Thank you for your concern, Sally,” Fuyumi folded the letter and tucked it into the sash of her kimono, “but that was honestly just a stern talking to; she didn’t actually punish me. Here’s hoping that the girls continue to require my services. Oh, and let me know if you happen to need any special garments or ropes—I’m sure Sera would be willing ot set up a shipment for you. For a challenge, perhaps?”

April and May

May had just finished hooking April up to the milking machine when she noticed they too had received a letter from Sally.

Dear May and April,
I hope y'all are still enjoying your new lives. Part of me is still sad I didn't get to see y'all properly compete on your season but given the idiot in charge it's probably for the best. I'll have to visit your cafe at some point when the season is over. Do be careful though as Shar keeps talking about taking staff from other seasons, I know she's mostly joking but you can never be fully sure with her after Evelyn, and you two are totally her type. Oh and April do keep being adorable with Missy
A fan,
Sally

“Check this out, sis—we actually got mail! Looks like it’s from that gamer chick, Sally!” May spoke up over the whir of the machine, but April was already too blissed out to offer more than a moan in response, her sensitivity training under Missy’s nimble fingers having made milking much more intense. “Yeah, sorry about that, Sally. Unfortunate timing—we didn’t think we’d be needing to answer any mail. Things are pretty great here; worst I can say about it is it can get a bit dull every now and again, but that’s not anything we wouldn’t be dealing with at a real job. And we’re not worried about Shar—she likes to joke, but she wouldn’t do anything to piss off Sera.” April moaned again and May turned up the speed on the machine. “I don’t know that April’s got much of a choice in the matter—Missy’s trained her too well, not that April would complain about it, anyway. Pretty sure she’s one or two sessions away from being able to cum on command.”

Spring, Rain, and Brooke

Much like April and May, the laundry crew had already started their work for the day, Rain only finding their letter by chance while she Spring and Brooke were doing a load of linens.

Dear Spring, Brooke, and Rain
Congrats on getting names. I know as water nymphs it's not something y'all tend to care that much about but I hope y'all like them. Great assist on Mallory's date. And glad to see at least someone got to enjoy the fruits of Diona's multi hour session of working herself up. Humans really need water to live and for a bunch of other stuff so keep up the good work
A fan,
Sally

“Thank you, Sally. I’ll be sure to pass the message along to the other two.” Rain pinned it to one of their empty clotheslines for now so that Spring and Brooke would notice it later. “Let us know if Sera needs to set up a shipment of our ‘Gay Mergirl Bathwater’, by the way. Hopefully you have at least one girl there who might appreciate it as a prize or something.”

Holly and Missy

While the others had all only received a letter from Sally, the two reindeer sisters had actually gotten several, including a couple or larger packages. They saved those for later and started with a letter sealed with wax stamped in the shape of a cloven hoofprint.

Dear Holly and Missy
You are cordially requested to join the Faun Worker's Union! Celebrate our united culture and workers rights that our forefathers, foremothers and foreskins sacrificed themselves for.
As a member you will be entitled to mandatory sick leave, vacation time, and lunch hours.
But you also get the right to join the nightly orgy!
We all know you wanna **** a **** **** while getting your ***** whacked and having a mother daughter duo *** your candy ****. Or how about some ******* and ******* while your hot cousin ***** a **** with a full one?
Taste real freedom while getting ********* shoved straight into your ***** *******.
Joining is not mandatory but strongly encouraged!!!!!
Don't ignore this letter like the last one!!!! Or the one before that!!!
SERIOUSLY you saucy *****!!!!
Faun Worker's Union!

“What the fuck? You can’t say that.” Holly muttered with a horrified expression on her face while Missy took the paper and set it on fire, along with a bundle of sage. “Also, what would we have to gain from joining your ‘union’? And I am very serious about the quotations around that word. We literally have all of those things, minus the orgies. We didn’t even have to ask for them—Sera just gave that stuff to us.” Please let the next letter be from someone who isn’t a total freak.

Dear Holly and Missy,
Don't listen to that mean Cecilia, y'all are doing a great job. I thought the free upgrade was a wonderful treat to give. Hopefully Aife will tell the others what a great job y'all are doing and more people will visit the spa and salon. Holly it's soooo sweet how you are trying to make sure Cecilia feels included and help her out. Missy you keep being adorable with April
A fan,
Sally

“Phew. Thank you, Sally.” Holly sighed with relief. “And you don’t have to worry about our pride, or anything—even if Cecilia wants to act that way, the results will speak for themselves! And even if we don’t get a ton of visitors right away, that’s just more free time. As for trying to break through to Cecilia… eh, it’s a work in progress.” She turned to Missy. “Okay, what about your answer to Sally’s letter?” She asked, to which Missy gave a thumbs up, followed by grinning and making a scissoring gesture with her hands.

“Well, you heard her.” Holly shrugged and shook her head with a smile on her face. “Anyway, what’s the deal with these other two?” She could see that one was addressed to her, while the other was simply to “The Fauns”. She pried open the first box, only to discover a stack of porn magazines, a sex swing, and an industrial-sized tub of mustache wax. “Grrr—those are the wrong fauns, dammit! This was meant for those freaks over on Lucian’s season!” Fuming, she broke open the second box, finding another box containing a chair from IKEA. Also in the box was a note, which Holly picked up and read aloud. “‘Dear Holly, I hope you enjoy this chair I bought for you. I thought this might make for a nice place to sit while your Master fucks all of the women on that island who are better than you, or at least nicer than your cage.’” Holly’s voice grew angrier with each word. “‘Have fun imagining all of those sexy sluts riding your Master’s cock while you build this chair. Signing this with only Xs because you won’t be getting any Os, XXXX, Cuck-A-Doodle-Doo’?!” She angrily threw the letter to the ground while Missy fought back a fit of silent laughter. “First the wrong season’s fauns, and now the wrong fucking Holly?!?! What the hell is with you fuckers?!?!”