We Didn't Start the Fire

“Fools!” belted the Treant, rising far above them. The fire that edged its branches was put out by the **** of its voice. “You will pay for what you have done to this forest.”

John used Advanced Spy on the enemy in front of him before he began to try and deescalate the situation.

Hey, I recognize some of those items from that old game, Saga of Chain. Alright, priorities. Level thirty is not good. And it’s probably not the mage type either. I’d guess it’s a physical beast. Lots of health. That gives me a bad idea, John thought, before looking back up at the Treant. “Abigail, calm down a sec,” John whispered, putting a hand on the brawler’s shoulder and standing in front of her.

“Oh Great One! We had nothing to do with the destruction of this great forest!” John lied through his teeth, falling to his knees in front of the boss.

“Then why does your companion stand amidst the ashes of my dead children?!” the Treant responded, drawing its face toward John.

“She is grieving for their loss! Isn’t that right, Abigail?” John looked back to see Abigail kneeling and bowing in a similar fashion, seemingly having caught on.

“That’s right! Such friendly, young wooden… things. It’s such a shame that they died,” Abigail sobbed, hiding her fists in the pile of ashes. Since John had begun stalling, she had been gathering all of her power in a single large fireball, and it was getting difficult to conceal. While the boss was looking at Abigail, John downed a Mana Potion and a Health Potion.

“Then why does she attempt to cast a spell now, even as we speak?” the Treant growled, considerably less hostile but still suspicious.

“Well, you see, the thing about that is,” John began, getting quieter as he spoke. The Treant leaned in even closer to hear, and he charged all the mana he had into a Fist and obliterated half the Treant’s face with it, causing it to howl in pain and stagger back. John did the same, the recoil from such an intense attack shattering the bones in his right arm and many of his ribs in the process. That was a mistake.

Warning! Gamer’s Body cannot protect against more than 500 damage at once!

Achievement Unlocked: Limit Break
Deal more than 999 damage in a single hit!

• 1 Skill Point
• 3 Strength

Achievement Unlocked: OVER 5,000!!
Deal more than 5,000 damage in a single hit!

• 2 Skill Points
• 5 Strength

Achievement Unlocked: Hurt
Receive more than 1,000 damage in a single hit (prerequisite - 1,000+ HP)

• +5% Health
• Gamer’s Body will now protect against hits that are 1,000 HP or less

Achievement Unlocked: Self-Destructive
Deal more than 1,000 damage to yourself as recoil damage in a single hit

• Hidden Perk: Masochistic

Abigail leapt from the ashes to take advantage of her recoiling opponent. Putting her hands against his face, the rest of her body slowly turned to flames which rushed forward and out of her palms, an explosion rocking the Treant. This only caused it to yell louder, staggering back even further. Its roots touched two other trees, which sprang to life and began to march toward John and Abigail respectively.

Not even noticing the impending threat, Abigail rained blows down onto the face of the Treant, spinning kicks and powerful punches sending it back further and further with every hit.

Looking over at his health bar, John noticed his health was five. Not five-hundred, not even fifty, just… five. I’ve made so many mistakes, John thought as he Jumped onto a nearby tree to avoid the oncoming enemy, unsure as to whether he was physically well enough to make the manual leap. Man, I am not having fun anymore. That’s the lowest it’s been since…

Suddenly, John was flashed back to when he died. The feeling of the giant icicle smashing apart his chest and destroying his heart. The inky blackness of what John had to guess was a place between this life and the next. In a moment it was all too real. All the pain, all the damage, all the injuries, I don’t want to die!

And I won’t, John surprised even himself at the serenity of his thoughts, I won’t die. I’m going to keep getting stronger. This is only the beginning. With that in mind, he drank down another potion of each kind, a pop-up informing him that he had minor potion sickness.

“Abigail, take care of the two trees. I’ll finish him off,” John commanded, charging back into battle. Ebony and Ivory appeared in his hands, and a storm of brass fell upon the Treant as John sprinted up to it, dodging under limbs thicker than the tree trunks and kicking off its face into the air. The **** of his guns firing, while not enough to keep him suspended in the air, was enough to slow him down considerably. Combining this with Move, he was able to stay in the air, though it was more of a mana sink than he had anticipated. He had to abandon this advantage in favor of changing his trajectory to avoid the grabbing hand of the Treant.

Despite having healed when he drank the second health potion, John’s right arm sent out phantom pains in protest to experiencing the recoil of his guns for such a prolonged amount of time.

Maybe one day I’ll be able to fly off the **** of my guns alone… that is pretty badass. Reminds me of that one app that used to be popular, John thought, charging up a weaker Fist and slamming into the Treant’s face with it. This was the killing blow, and the two animated trees which Abigail was fighting rooted back into the ground, normal trees once again.

Level up!

John fell back into the soft grass as David brought his loot to him, content in his victory. His eyes strayed to the score, and he noticed that since she hadn’t killed the boss’ adds and he had landed the killing blow on the boss… he had won!

Abigail had apparently noticed the same thing, as she wore a dejected smile when she walked over to him. She collapsed next to him, sweat covering her body. “So you won. It’s a total rip-off, and I deserve to win, but you won.”

“Well, first of all I’d like to thank the academy. Really, couldn’t have done it without them, such amazing support. Next I’d like to thank all my fans, really couldn’t have done it without them,” John stopped his speech at her confused look.

“Academy?” Abigail asked, sitting up. John hadn’t realized that someone could have possibly not understood that reference.

“You know, like when someone goes up at the Oscars, they thank the ‘Academy’ because they’re the ones that give the awards out,” John simply responded, not willing to move just yet.

“What are ‘the Oscars’? Is it like a tournament of some kind?” Abigail questioned, resting her head on her shoulder.

“It’s for movies and maybe TV shows, you really don’t know what the Oscars are? Like all those jokes a few years ago about how Leonard Caprisio doesn’t have an Oscar, never heard any of that?” John asked incredulously, now bothering to sit up.

“Oh, that explains it. My family lives a pretty simple life. We didn’t really have a television, or movies. I had some trouble this afternoon with those screens, but they were pretty easy to work on. Are televisions like that?” Abigail pondered innocently, and John knew he had to take advantage of his friend’s innocence.

Is it evil to think like that? Even if I’m introducing someone to stuff they’re going to like? John idly thought, taking out his phone. “Wait, then how’d you know what to do with the tablets the Rider-Waites gave us?”

“Oh, I kinda didn’t,” Abigail sheepishly responded, the confidence draining out of her for the first time, “my sister figured all that stuff out then told me what to do.”

“Alright, well then I guess I can skip really explaining my powers to you,” John replied, more to himself than her, “and I’ve got so many things to show you. I’ve gotta welcome you to the 21st century.”

“I’d kinda rather spend my time training than doing stuff like that,” Abigail shot him down, getting up.

“How about this, for each barrier I make that we train in, including this one, I also show you a movie, show, or game?” John offered as Abigail reached a hand down to help him up. Jenny’s going to have a field day showing her what music even is.

The brawler looked hesitant, but eventually shook his hand. “Alright, deal. Does that mean we can make another barrier tonight?”

“No way,” John immediately answered, feeling exhausted from what they had just gone through, “I’ve had way more than enough for one night. Maybe when I catch up to your strength, I’ll consider it.”