Waiting

Sprawled out on the couch, I had some time to think. Really think. As my mind churned through the emotions and thoughts, my eyes lingered on the panties in my hand. Emma’s panties. I still had my hand clenched around them. Yet my mind wasn’t going around painting pictures of what was happening. There was an odd calm.

I understood Emma’s anger. Why she had done all that. I still remembered the smile she had when she asked if I was ready to take the next step in our relationship. She had been ready. Excited even. Yet here I was, sitting on the couch while she was with Ryan. It was all happening as I wanted, yet she had been the one to set everything up. Again. I couldn’t even tell Ryan what I wanted, leaving her to pick up the slack.

What did I want?

The question still lingered. I knew the answer. I wanted her. I wanted to take that next step. So why was she upstairs with Ryan and not in a hotel or something with me?

It took some hard thinking to uncover that answer.

I was afraid. I had been watching her with other guys for so long that I was afraid what I would see when we were together. I saw the way her face lit up for the camera. The sounds and enjoyment she took from being recorded in all sorts of positions. But that wasn’t her. She had told me that it was only when she was collecting that stuff for me did that side of her come out. Normally, she was the type of girl to just lay there and take it. Enjoy it, yes, but never show that enjoyment.

The thought of seeing her like that with me terrified me. I wanted Emma, the real Emma. Yet seeing her like that, I would always compare that to what I saw in her videos and photos. Even if I knew it wasn’t her, the pressure was crushing me.

Worse, what if she was like she was in the videos? How could I tell if it was real or if she was putting on a show? I didn’t know what was worse, her pretending to enjoy herself because she knew that’s what I wanted, or her just lying there like the whole experience was a chore.

A loud and exhausted sigh sounded. I jumped as Sarah flopped into the recliner chair next to the couch. I had no idea she was even here—which meant Mike was. No way he picked anyone else but her. My eyes ran over her. She looked exactly like how I expected a girl to look in her situation—pleasantly disheveled and feeling too good to care. Staring at her caused my heart to race. The fact that she looked ten times better than she normally did spoke volumes about my tastes. It seemed any woman with that after-sex glow was enough to get me going.

“Lying bitch,” she huffed.

“Huh?”

“Your lying bitch of a girlfriend told me I should go easy on him since I was only his second. Go easy on him? What about me?” Grabbing the top of her shirt, she fanned herself. “He started so sweet and innocent…” she muttered.

“Um… You okay?”

“Okay? I’m fucking amazing.” She grinned. “If that was Mike’s second, I’m never going to let another girl have him. He has some confidence issues, but once he gets going…” Her sigh was one of fondness. I almost started laughing if I wasn’t so weighed down by other things. Mike had always been so worried about what other people thought of him, and it seemed like he was making an impression. I was happy for him. Having a crush on Sarah probably helped nudge him along tonight, but it seemed like he was slowly coming into himself. Never in a million years did I expect him to flourish this well in a social situation. Then again, our old group wasn’t exactly great. I guess all he needed was the opportunity.

While I was in my own thoughts, Sarah’s eyes focused on my closed fist. “Are those…panties?” I felt my face heat as I quickly put them and my hand out of sight. She was grinning. “Emma’s I’m guessing?”

I nodded, face still burning. A look crossed her face as she bit her lip. Envy. “I heard her and Ryan going at it. Sounded pretty intense.” I looked away, hand tightening around the panties. “Emma is a lucky girl.”

Was not expecting to hear that. I looked over at her.

“Wish I had a guy waiting for me. There is something hot about the idea of having amazing sex with a guy then coming back to an adoring partner.”

I cleared my throat. “Well… Mike seems to like you—”

“Not really the type of girl that does the relationship thing,” she said, cutting me off. “Don’t get me wrong, Mike is a great guy. Amazing in bed too.” She fanned herself with a knowing sigh. “But dating? Tried that and it wasn’t for me. I like to keep things casual and my options open.”

“I…see.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t lead Mike on or anything. I’ll make it clear what this is. I hope he’ll want to continue things, but I’ll understand if he was hoping for something more.” She had a wolfish grin. “Once I’m done with him, he’s going to be a god in the bedroom.”

I cleared my throat, not feeling all that comfortable with that level of knowledge about my best friend. “You know, Emma wasn’t a relationship type of girl—”

Her snort cut me off. “Sorry. Emma is totally the relationship kind of girl. She is just clueless on what she actually wants and has difficulty expressing things at times.” An amused smile formed. “Not to mention she needed to find the right guy to capture her interest.”

“You sure we are talking about the same person?”

She laughed. “You are only seeing the part of her that she wants you to see.” I frowned. On some level, I already knew this. Hearing there was more to Emma than what I knew, and that another person had insider knowledge… Sarah picked up on my bitterness. “Give it time. It took forever for me to get past her shell. You of all people know she doesn’t react in ways we expect. She does care about you though.”

“I think we had our first fight.” Sarah tilted her head and I found myself briefly explaining things. I don’t know why I was so open about things. Talking about my special relationship with Emma should have mortified me. The old me would have died of embarrassment. Now? I simply told Sarah how my… fight?… with Emma had gone. I suppose it helped that I knew I was in good company. My kinks were weird, but everyone in this damn group was weird… which I guess made me normal? At least in the context of the company I kept.

Sarah was nodding slowly when I finished. “Going to side with Emma on this one. Sounds to me you are putting priority in all this game stuff before your actual relationship.”

I sighed. “I know. I still have some insecurities to work out. It wasn’t all that long ago I was a basement-dwelling troll with no social life.”

She had a light laugh as she put a hand in front of her mouth. “Insecure. Says the man casually holding his girlfriend’s panties while she has some amazing-sounding sex with one of the most charming men I’ve ever met like it’s no big deal.”

Hearing that got a mixed reaction from me. In the end, I just felt tired. “I know it’s dumb, but I can’t shake it. Emma has been a tease for as long as I’ve known her. Her not having some sort of scheme or ulterior motive sets me on edge.”

Before she could answer, Mike appeared. “Oh, um, hey,” he managed, giving me an awkward wave.

“You’re up!” Sarah said, springing out of her seat to saunter over.

“S-sorry for—” She silenced him with a finger against his lips.

“After that? You deserved some rest.” Hooking his arm, she held it close to her. “Ready to take me home?”

Mike looked to me. “Surprised to see you here. I heard Emma and thought—” He cut himself short, looking toward the floor.

“She’s with Ryan right now,” I said.

“R-right.”

Sarah tugged on his arm, pulling him out of his awkward funk. “Bye, Isaac!”

“Take care.”

Alone once more, I glanced down at the panties still in hand.

Sigh.