The thing agrees.

"Smart," Madison said with a nod. "Why bother teaching yourself when you can just have me do it?" She sat at the machine and crossed her legs at the knee.

"Wait, I didn't know you could write scripts," Ross said. "You're just a tech!"

"Come on, dude, keep up. I'm a golem! Of course I can put a script together," she said as her hands darted across the interface. The interface showed a hectic, rapid-fire series of menus, selectors, and papers. After a few seconds, she paused and turned to Ross with a grin.

"Are you guys gonna make me modify my own script?"

Ross started to stammer an apology but she cut him off. "I'm impressed. Frankly, I didn't think either of you were capable of that kind of high-level thinking."

"You're not mad?" Ross asked. His face was pale and sweaty.

"Why should I care?" Madison replied as she turned back to the display. "I'm a golem. I don't give a shit. I'm just a document stuffed in a ball of mud. Apparently a document that includes instructions to obey you... now, were you boys thinking of having your way with me?"

"No!" Ross almost shouted. "No, no, we- we-"

She broke into laughter and turned to Andrew. "Did he get a concussion while I was out of commission? Dude, I don't care! I'll fuck you right now. I'll do any degrading act you want with a smile on my face! Ethically, it would be the equivalent of fucking a toaster."

"Although hopefully more pleasant," Andrew added. Madison chuckled.

"You know I never saw what your stupid surprise was. Was it that you figured out that I was a golem?"

"Actually, it was Professor Levinson," Ross said softly. "She's a golem too."

"No shit?" Madison was surprised. "I guess that's why she looks like a supermodel. Now, how do you guys want to change me?"

"Um, can you make yourself... date me?" Ross asked.

Madison rolled her eyes and started fiddling with the interface. "Figures that's the first thing you want. No problem, I just have to find it... here we are, romantic relationships. The script makes me reject all romantic advances and prohibits me from making any. I guess you can trust me when I say it's not you, it's me."

Andrew clapped him on the back. "See, buddy? You're not a loser. You just have a crush on a machine programmed not to find you attractive!"

"...and done," Madison said. "A machine that used to be programmed not to find you attractive. I mean, technically, I still am, but not for long."

"And that doesn't bother you at all?" Ross incredulously.

"What's bothering me is that you keep asking that," she said. "Dude, I'm not real. Get the fuck over it. What else do you want?"

"Free blowjobs anytime!" Andrew said.

Madison raised an eyebrow. "For anyone?"

They stared at her a moment before her face broke. "I'm kidding! Come on guys, I'll put it in just for you. Although you already have me obeying you - that probably covers most of your bases. Anything else?"