The Paladin and the Pervert

Mora had no idea what she had done to deserve this. As a paladin, she had always served the forces of light faithfully and dutifully. She had vanquished evil and protected the innocent. She had always been a loyal friend, and her faith had never wavered. And this was her reward. Hiking through the wilderness with a talking booger following close behind her, very likely staring at her ass.

Gagmarag(Gag to his friends) was indeed staring at her ass. He couldn't help himself. It was literally the most perfect ass he had ever gazed upon. Even though she wore trousers and it was partially covered by her armor, it still looked like it was sculpted of pure marble.

Anyone observing this duo would indeed be confused. To say they were an odd couple was an understatement. Mora, a paladin and aasimar, viewed this temporary partnership as a necessary evil. But as she looked back at her companion, she had her doubts.

Gag was half goblin and half gnome. He had seemed to have taken on the worst traits of both. He stood a hair over 4 ft. His skin was a light, almost puke colored green. He sported a large nose, full cheeks, pointed ears, and what would appear to be a mismatched set of teeth. Gag was always grateful that he had not inherited the trademark baldness of his Goblin father. He did have a full set of hair, but it was wispy, straw like, and salt and pepper gray despite his young age. His limbs were a little shorter and stubier than a gnomes should be, but they were heavily muscled as the limbs of most goblins were. Everyone who knew him, including Gag, knew that he was no looker.

Gag looked up from his map to catch Mora glancing at him. He smiled his goofy, crooked toothed grin at her in what he hoped was a look of playful charm. It was not. Mora simply rolled her eyes and look back to the path ahead of her.

Instead of going back to consult his map, Gag stared at the Paladin ahead of him for a while longer. It wasn't just her ass that mesmerized him. She was truly stunning. Gag knew that the angelically descended aasimar we're already beautiful by the standards of most, but Mora seemed to be a cut above the rest. She stood over 6 feet tall with golden eyes, pale skin, and long silver hair that she normally kept tied in a simple braid.

Although she wore her ornate plate armor most of the time, gag had seen her a handful of times in her travelers clothes and knew that her trim body sported the kind of muscle tone that a goliath would envy. Still, the muscle was lean and lithe and didn't detract from her femininity, but seemed to enhance it. Statuesque was the first word that popped into Gag's mind when he first saw her. It was like meeting a valkyrie in real life.

Moira could feel him leering at her and gritted her teeth. Like it or not she needed him. She had to find her friends.

Her and her party's Journey had started simply enough, booking passage on a ship returning from the jungles of Chult. Then they had been hit by a massive storm. When it became clear that the ship was going to sink , they had made a run for it. She and some of the crew had gotten into one lifeboat, and the rest of her party had gotten into another. By the blessing of her patron, she had used Holy Light to guide their boat to the nearest shore. They found a small village to take them in and she began to wait. For nearly a week she got no word from her friends. Then, her speaking stone finally came to life. Her party was alive, but miles away. They had the misfortune of landing in an under dveloped region of the continent. To get back to her friends, Mora needed a guide. And that's where Gag came in.

What he lacked in looks he made up for in intelligence. Combining the cunning and resourcefulness of a goblin with the curiosity and natural intelligence of a gnome gave him a sharp mind that most people underestimated. It was this powerful mind that he used to become an expert cartographer and navigator.

Mora needed to traverse the wilds and Gag was the only guide available. He was also a seasoned traveler in his own right. Although never having traveled this way himself, he had painstakingly restored old maps of the area. Despite her misgivings, Gag was her best chance at finding her friends.

Her thoughts were interrupted as the old dirt road they traveled on suddenly split in three directions.

Still staring ahead she asked "Well navigator, which road do we take?"

"That depends," Gag replied looking back at his map. "All three roads will technically take us to the same place. If we keep heading North, that'll lead us to the mountain pass. It's the quickest route, but in my opinion, the most dangerous. The West road is a little bit longer and we'll have to cross through a swamp. Now the East road is the longest, but the only thing we'll have to deal with is an old ghost town. But, this is your expedition, so it's your call."