The Golden Phallus of Min

Lara's eyes eventually found Min. He definitely hadn’t been one of the earlier additions, since his statue still seemed to be in pretty perfect order. Or at least, she couldn’t see anything missing from him. He still seemed so covered in dust that she couldn’t tell what parts of him - if any - were supposed to be gold. She would have assumed his flail and his double-plumed feather crown. Though… knowing Min and what all he was a god of…

She walked to the foot of the statue. His skin was dark enough black that even the layer of dust didn’t hide it, he had a long ribbon trailing from his head down his back to his feet. When Lara rubbed her hand against it, she revealed under the dust a vivid red dye so surprisingly un-faded by time that it made her pause. His flail - the symbol of authority, not the weapon - was held in his right hand and drooped off his right shoulder. His left hand cupped the area around his crotch, emphasizing his erection. He was probably just over ten feet, if you included his tall crown, putting her roughly on eye-level with the… well… most obviously protruding aspect of him.

“Now, if I were the god of male fertility, what part of my statue would I most want to be made of gold?” Lara asked aloud facetiously. It didn’t take more than a second to figure out the answer, or which part of the statue any previous intruders would have been the least likely to start dusting off and manhandling.

Pulling a handkerchief from her bag, she started to rub at Min’s shaft like she was trying to summon a genie from a lamp. That rarely worked in terms of calling forth the supernatural, but it was a fairly effective way to work through thicker, more fibrous dust. It took a few seconds, but gradually, the patch where she’d been rubbing revealed solid gold underneath. Lara couldn’t help rolling her eyes. There was vanity, and then there was holy vanity. The other two pieces had been pretty phallic too, but this one was a step further.

By the time she was done polishing Min’s pole, she realized just how much a step further. It wasn’t just some phallic object, it was practically a solid gold dildo extending out from the statue’s crotch. A massive one too. Gold didn’t exactly grow on trees, but if this one was solid throughout, it was probably more than five kilos of the stuff shaped into a forearm-sized phallus with a pair of fist-sized balls. It shouldn’t have even been able to stay up and attached to the statue, but this was magic she was talking about.

Of course, with magic being involved, there came the question of how to remove it. Lara sized it up for a moment before pulling it off the statue, then stood tense and waited for some manner of trap to spring or some sort of unholy fury to break loose on her.

After a few seconds, none had. Well, some of them were easier than others.

Then the sarcophagi nearest to her started to rumble. Lara whipped around and put her back to the statue. In her experience, those were often just as dangerous as whatever was shaking the tomb near her, but also in her experience it was better to deal with the danger you knew before worrying about the one that might exist. She reached into her pack and pulled out one of her guns.

The lid of the sarcophagus slid open. Nothing but dust moved through the still air for a painfully long second, then a bandaged head popped up out of it.

She shot it. Lara had been doing this too long to wait and see what happened next. The gun was out of her pack in one heartbeat and a round of .50 action express was clattering off of the sarcophagi behind it the next. The mummy teetered for a second, like it was trying to understand what had just happened to it. Then it simply kept getting out of the grave like nothing had happened, the hole still in its head.

Lara saved her second shot. The wound she had made was healing, dark skin blackened to nearly blue simply knitting itself back together wetly under the shoddy bandages. Perhaps all a bit more juicy and fleshy than she would have expected, but not out of the ordinary. In her experience, the only thing that tended to go down the first time you shot it was a person.

As it came lurching out of the sarcophagi, she fired her second shot as soon as its bandaged purple feet touched the floor. The bullet sawed the right leg off at the kneecap, causing the mummy to fall forward. It looked back at its detached shin as the limb wobbled a moment before falling to one side. Then the mummy simply kept crawling toward her.

She stepped over and lightly pushed its head with her boot, forcing it onto its back like a turtle. It flailed impotently, pawing at her boot and gumming it. It lacked teeth or claws, but it was in relatively good shape. What it did have, however, was a pretty impressive package between its legs. Perhaps not so impressive as the behemoth his god had until recently had attached to a statue, but she’d have probably wanted to warm up a good deal first if he were… you know… alive.

“One well-endowed mummy?” Lara asked semi-jokingly, tossing Min’s detachable penis in her hand as if to taunt the incapacitated monster. “Well, now I can see why people only warn you about stealing from Ra or Horus and not fertility gods.”

Almost as if on cue, several of the other sarcophagi around the room started to rumble. Increasing in volume steadily until the room shook. Lara went bolting to where her rope dangled from the ceiling above and started to pull herself up - stuffing the oversized golden phallus in her pack. She got a few feet up off of the floor before the lids of the coffins started sliding back and clattering down. When she looked below her, a small crowd of well-hung undead were hanging around the base of the rope, looking up dumbly. More were joining them by the second. One had turned into a few dozen, and a few dozen seemed ready to turn into hundreds.

Lara sighed. She had dealt with mummies before. There were two main kinds. The dry ones and the wet ones. The dry ones were more dangerous, being that they were usually powerful spirits animating whatever was left of an old body. They fed on souls, tried to replace organs, all of the Hammer Horror classics. The wet ones, on the other hand, were both far less dangerous but also far harder to deal with. Since the dry ones were spirits that were often animating very little actual material, it was easy to either exorcise them or knock enough bits out of the vessel to make them worthless. No matter how cursed you were, you still needed a body to pilot. The wet kind were usually animated by a deity, or some other great and powerful ****. They were little more than meaty automatons, who either finished out their order or were overpowered. Overpowering them wasn’t even that difficult, really. Shooting them enough did the trick there as well, since you were taking little bits off of them every time you did. But the much better solution - assuming you were anybody but the United States and thus had a finite supply of bullets - was to find whatever it was animating them. Be it the blood of some sacrifice, the offended spirit of some local region, or (for the sake of argument) the large golden phallus of an angry fertility god. The answer was simple. If the mummy was powered by blood, you bled them. If the mummy was powered by water, you could just expose them to the desert for long enough and they’d dry out.

These ones being in service to Min… well… one could guess. The anatomy was also a bit of a giveaway.

Not only was this not the first time Lara had dealt with wet mummies in the past, it wasn’t even the first time she’d dealt with Min’s specifically. Though, last time, there had only been two of them. Fairly easy to overpower through extraction, to put it politely.

With these, not only did she have the shambolic pile of brainless, poorly-wrapped automatons piling up below her rope; there were also more joining them from the bases of the statues and from the surrounding chambers. These were better wrapped, their bandages nicer, their mummification more expert. Of course, their cocks were also bigger, but these likely having been actual priests of Min, that was to be expected.

Lara kept climbing toward the small opening in the ceiling. Not that she didn’t enjoy a tussle as much as anybody, perhaps moreso, she was always in favor of getting out of paying if she could avoid it. Especially when there were quite so many payments that were going to need making.

Nearing the top, she blew a quick raspberry to the pile of bodies below as she reached her arm up over the lip of the opening and grabbed up toward where the slab had fallen. It was at that point that she felt a **** like her backpack was slamming up against the wall. Lara slid it off of her shoulders and tied it around her ankle. Then she pulled the whole of her body from the knees up out of the hole. She pulled her free leg up and out, then tried to pull the one with the pack. It stopped in midair. Literally smushing and squishing against nothing like there was an invisible wall. Lara sighed and pulled the phallus out, then could bring her pack through with no problem. She tried to pull the artifact through in her free hand, but couldn’t pass either.

Believe it or not, this wasn’t the first time that this part had happened to her either. It turned out that gods weren’t exactly happy to let people walk out with their artifacts, you paid the toll or you died. Those were the options.

Taking a moment up on the surface, the artifact clutched between her boots, she fished around in her pack and pulled out the other two - much smaller - artifacts. Reaching them down to the big one, they seemed to shake a second before zipping from her hand and clanging into the golden phallus with enough **** to almost knock it from between her feet. She had to shield her eyes for a bit as the items became harder to look at, seeming to blur and make her head hurt as it poured off raw magic like unshielded radiation. When the worst of it died down, the three smaller phalluses had formed together into…

An even larger phallus. Figured.

But this one also had an inscription on it. A mixture of hieroglyphics and what looked like the early Hebrew Abjad. She squinted at it before sliding back down onto the rope and bringing it up for a closer look. It was probably a bit pointless, she couldn’t make any more heads or tails of it with her eyes right by it while dangling than she could from a distance while sitting. Though, as she hung in place, she felt the rope give a little shake that made her flinch. The mummies still hadn’t figured out how to use the rope, even the likely smarter ones who had been Min’s priests, but they were doing an awful lot of shuffling and tugging down below. A bit like a high school dance.

Pulling out her PDA, she gave a quick prayer that magic didn’t also interrupt cell service and was pleased to find it come true. It was a weak one, but there at least was one. Quietly thanking Min’s failure to account for satellites and quietly apologizing for calling Winston a third time in such a short window, Lara quickly punched through.

“So soon?” Winston sounded a little groggy, and more than a little peeved at being called again.

“Sorry, no time to talk. Found what I was looking for, sending you a picture of it. Pass it on to Alister and Zip - likely impossible to translate otherwise. I don’t trust the signal down here to send it to them myself.”

“You sound like you’re in the middle of something,” Winston yawned, but she could hear him getting up and heading to his computer.

“I seem to have angered some of the locals,” She responded, more casually than she actually felt.

“The historical preservation society?”

“More like the ahistorically preserved society.”

“I’m assuming you have it all under control?” Winston asked somewhat sympathetically.

“As much as I do anything,” Lara sighed in a way that probably wasn’t reassuring.

“I’ll see it done, just be safe.” Winston sounded concerned. She’d have preferred if he didn’t.

“Doing my best,” Lara ended the call, then tucked her PDA into her bag. She set it up next to the slab, continuing to let Min’s artifact dangle between her feet. Reaching into her bag, her fingers closed around one of her guns for a second, then moved on. Probably best not to bring it back down with her. Not where it was at risk of being kicked and fumbled with. Instead, she grabbed her ‘emergency’ pack. Condoms were probably a waste of time, she left her contraceptive pills up in the bag with her change of clothes where they would be safe, and the little toys reserved for lonely nights in a tent all seemed a bit wishful. But lube? She was going to need a lot of lube. Probably more than she had, but the fist-sized bottle was a start.

Most of her excursions actually didn’t go this way, despite what the gossip and fan sites liked to suggest. In fact, even the majority of the missions where she encountered something supernatural didn’t go like this. Old gods were far hornier than new ones, but leaving aside literal gods of fertility like the one currently in question, it turned out that mummies, zombies, or golems with hard cocks and one thing on their mind didn’t make for the best treasure guardians. Still, occasionally her missions did go like this. She liked to over-prepare for any eventuality. Honestly, it had been too long since one of her missions went like this. It could be fun, assuming you had control of the situation. The sheer numbers down below suggested she didn’t, but she’d do her best to manage.

This was certainly going to be a marathon. The worst one she’d ever come across at that.

Lara shifted and shimmied on the rope until she could get her hands under her tube top and slide it up over her head without slipping down below. She set it up on the sand next to her pack. The logistics of getting changed like this were already tricky, but adding a dangling golden cock pinched between her boots made it much worse. If she could only set it up above next to the pack, that would have been ideal. But if she could have done that, she wouldn’t be in this situation. Her sports bra was next, and after some more shimmying and shaking she got it clear of her brunette ponytail. As she set it up above on the sand, one of the mummies below must have gotten a handle on the rope, because she was suddenly shaking and nearly falling, only managing to catch herself by letting go of the idol and clasping the rope with her boots. She watched the golden phallus go bouncing off of one of the bandaged heads. To her surprise, they didn’t all start scrambling for it at once. Perhaps, since she had put the pieces together, she was much more attention-getting to them than it was. Though that also might have had something to do with having her tits out.

“Patience, boys,” Lara called down half-sarcastically. “You’ll have more than enough of me in a second here.”

She undid her belt and tossed it up above, then set about the difficult logistical process of trying to get her pants off while on the rope. She could either unclench her thighs from around it or her shoes, but not both at the same time. Undoing the button and the zipper, she tried to jut her backside out and wiggle her shorts down past her hips and bottom. But then the rope gave another sudden shake and her precarious position suddenly got a lot more worrisome. At some point, one of them seemed to have won the fight for the singular brain cell and realized that shaking the tree was the best way to get the fruit out of it. Lara sighed. There was probably no way around it; these pants and this pair of knickers was just going to have to go out in a blaze of glory. Sometimes it happened, it was why she packed spares and why she didn’t wear her favorites on the job.

“Alright, alright,” Lara squeezed the bottle of lube to her chest and slid down the rope slowly. “Hold your horses.”

To be perfectly honest, she wasn’t not excited about the prospect. But in that exact same vein, she wasn’t not terrified. It had been a very long, very uneventful trip out of the country, it had been ages since she’d had this kind of mission, and it had been even longer since she’d had a proper human hookup on one of these little trips. Even as a fairly private, not especially hot-blooded person, she was perhaps more itching for this than she’d first thought.

On the other hand, there were a hundred of them. At least. The logistics of it all were going to be as much of a challenge as the endurance.

The closer she got to the ground, the more anxious she got as well. There was no amount of preparation that would be enough. Not enough to make this a painless, problem-less process at least. She pinched the rope between her boots tighter when she was still about arm’s reach from the top of the body pile, then reeled it up into her stomach as best she could. After she had pulled it out of the pile, she started to kick forward and swing, back and forth until she felt safe jumping free of the worst of the mass. Though, even as she did, she could see the mummies stumbling one way and then the other, trying to follow her as she moved through the air.

Finally, she let go of the rope and flung herself, landing a couple meters clear of the pile under the entrance and scrabbling to her feet, doing the best she could to yank her pants down before they all came crashing on her at once.

“Now then-” Lara tempted fate by trying to speak.

A second later and it was too late. Lara rocked forward as a whole host of bodies seethed toward her like a tide. She was suddenly being touched, gripped, groped, and yanked a dozen directions at once. She was turned around once, then again the other way, they couldn’t decide. They were moving all as a hundred separate entities and not one conjoined train of thought. Several different hands clutched fistfuls of her hair and pulled it in different directions, she opened her mouth to protest and salty, dry fingers pushed their way inside. She was being shoved, jostled. She heard her pants ripping apart at basically the same time she felt it. A pair of rather nice khaki shorts died an ignoble **** at the hands of the huddled masses yearning for a free squeeze. A less nice but still respectable pair of panties died the same way a second later.

At that point, a rather serious concern crossed her mind that Lara really wished had occurred to her before letting go of the rope. As she was yanked and jostled and pushed, she realized there was a very real and very alarming chance they were going to hurt her purely by accident. Without any ill intent or any intent at all, there was a real risk of her becoming what would technically be termed a ‘fatality by sexual misadventure’. At the very least, they seemed to know well enough to keep their fingers away from her eyes.

Lara started to push back, trying to backpedal and break free, elbowing and wrenching her shoulders. After some struggle, she managed to wrench herself free of the crowd. They didn’t give her any space, literally falling over one another trying to reach her. She was **** to backpedal as she tried to keep space, as she did, she opened the bottle of lube and poured some into her hand. Reaching between her legs, she tried her best to awkwardly spread the lube and even finger herself while keeping her distance.

“Alright, seriously,” She yelped as one of them came lunging at her from the side - not part of the pile - and caused her to swerve. There were still opening coffins down the halls. The marathon was only getting longer. “We need to set some ground rules. Or you need to form a line. Something along-”

She tripped over the body of a legless mummy and toppled onto her butt in the sand. Cursing both her former self - and her luck - Lara did her best to pull upright and keep lubing herself as the crowd closed back in. She squeezed with all her might over her ass and started applying there too.

It seemed like she hadn’t even been on the floor for five whole seconds by the time a pair of dried hands grabbed either side of her head and shoved her face into a bandaged crotch. Getting a look up close, Lara had to admire Min’s handiwork. At least, she was assuming it was Min who had given his mummies thick cocks all over twenty centimeters long, the alternative was that the priests just went town to town looking for especially hung Egyptians. If so, Cleopatra perhaps missed her calling.

Gripping two fistfuls of her hair in his wrapped fingers, he moved her head back and then pushed it down toward his crotch over and over again. Clearly just waiting for her to align her open mouth with his crotch instead of trying to aim. Sighing and obliging at the same time, she let him slide his cock into her mouth and then down her throat, all in the same motion. That same intensely salty taste from before covered her tongue. Lara tried not to think about jerky, even though that was close enough to what she was tasting. She gave up on continuing to squeeze and simply unscrewed the cap of the lubricant bottle, dumping the rest of it out over her ass and using the hand not currently stuffed in her crotch to apply it, then sliding one finger into her back door just as a warmup. From what she had seen of these things, she was doing herself a favor. They didn’t seem to be much for foreplay or consideration, so the alternative to fingering both her holes in a dusty catacomb was likely dry penetration.

Or at least, dry-ish in regards to her pussy. Lara couldn’t pretend she wasn’t at least a little turned on. Two strong hands pulling at handfuls of her hair, a hard (if unpleasantly salty and pruny) shaft pumping in and out of her mouth. If she just ignored the teeming horde of punishment that was surely only seconds away, it would have been pretty easy to let herself get lost in the mood of the moment. Of course, what she was doing with her hands helped. Her nipples were standing up - though the cool air of the place was helping that - and she could feel her clit starting to throb as that burning, unmistakable itch and pressure began to rumble between her legs. She shifted to using two fingers in her ass. Considering Min was a fertility god, the more of them she could take care of without having to use her pussy, the better. If she also just so happened to like a bit of buggery here and there, well, that was neither there nor here.

Only a second or two after she did, a pair of hands gripped her hips firmly and yanked her waist up until she was more standing bent over than anything. As soon as she was, her fingers were pushed aside and another one of their cocks came sliding into her pussy with an almost shocking lack of resistance. Lara moaned into one mummy’s cock as her cunt suddenly stretched around a shockingly warm, shockingly hard undead cock. She wiggled her hips, stroked her clit, and slapped her ass. Trying to do as many things to both encourage them and to get herself off as possible.

Even as the three bodies moved in the comparative unison of the spitroast, Lara kept having to brace herself or scramble for balance as they were jostled or shoved. Mummies literally fighting each other to try to jump the queue, trying to find some angle to get in close to her like they could spawn an orifice in her bloody hip if they only had the will and the angle. The heat of crowding bodies was enough for Lara to start sweating again after a minute or two of feeling the night air. All she could see was bandages and purple-black skin. All she could feel was hands groping and squeezing at her while one of them fucked her face and the other used her pussy, and (unfortunately) all she could smell was the slightly musty aroma of old paper with a slight tinge of lemon-flavored lubricant.

She felt a little more secure, a little less in danger at least. Their hands roved and mauled at her, pulling handfuls of her hair in different directions or pinching some exposed bit of pale plump flesh around her rear or chest. But that wasn’t more than she could deal with. Honestly, she didn’t even mind it. As Lara let herself relax and let her body bounce between the two inside of her, she was getting pretty desperately wet.

Perhaps she had just gotten lost in a trance and more time had passed than she thought, but shockingly quickly the mummy in front of her let out a sound like the soul was literally leaving his body and clenched his fists tight to either side of her face. Lara yelped as the mummy pulled her face down into his crotch with enough **** to shift the pile behind him, then held her there. Lara took a few unsuccessful breaths and then started slapping his hip with one of her hands. Her reward was having her wrist grabbed and wrenched up to where it was placed on a waiting cock, then they did the same to her other one. She felt the mummy finally twitch and unload down her throat. A (thankfully not dusty) load of something warm, no more or less salty than its source, and thick shot right down past her tongue. She gave a flushed, eager look up toward the bandaged face currently rolled back in ecstasy, then started writhing to try to get her face away from him. His orgasm seemed to drag on.

Fortunately(?) the mummy seemed to go limper as he let out more, until at a certain point the jostling and shoving around him simply caused him to fall backward. The last of his cum trailing into her mouth and painting her face as he fell back seated, toppling the mummies behind him like bowling pins. He lay, limp but for his twitching cock, amidst the pile for the moment.

Then the mummy behind her, no longer with somebody to fight against, managed to pull her back and topple the both of them. Lara yelped as the mummy’s feet slipped out from under him and brought her hips crashing down on top of his on the floor. She coughed, but before the shock had even worn off, he was thrusting up into her from underneath. Grabbing another pair of cocks, Lara shrugged and went back to work. Not much later, another mummy was manhandling her hair on the way to having his cock in her mouth.

Lara did the best she could, even in her situation, to keep an eye on the recently-satisfied mummy laying on the ground. She had to crane her neck, to try to drive the crowd, but watching from her peripheral vision she waited anxiously. It was either her wondering or her hoping that one would be enough for each of them, she couldn’t tell which. Most likely hoping.

But, after a while, he got up. Slowly, uncertainly, adjusting his bandages like he actually had two brain cells to rub together. Likely some pre-programmed anal-retentiveness he had gotten directly from Min. His cock was still hard, of course, but he did look… dryer… for lack of a better word. She suspected that, if she shot him now, he would stay down for longer, have more trouble closing the wound again. Compared to the other mummies, it might have taken one less bullet to down him permanently, or it might have taken a dozen less. It didn’t matter, her guns were in her pack. It didn’t matter if he had one or a dozen more, what mattered was that he had ‘one fewer.’

A mummified cock slapped down on her shoulder, Lara looked at it and the owner a little belligerently. Her pussy and mouth were taken, her hands were both occupied, so unless he wanted to try to solve the logistic problem of getting into her asshole in this position, he was shit out of luck. But as Lara looked around, she realized a growing trend. The seemingly endless queue of (increasingly impatient) immortals were seeming to get restless. Several of them seemed to be trying to fuck her hair - wrapping it in their hands and jerking off or just thrusting into clumps of it impotently. A second later, the shoulder-buggerer pulled back and tried to thrust into her armpit. She gave him an angry grunt, but it was easy enough to see the writing on the wall.

At the same time, she could see a different kind of behavior from the few looks she had through the crowd. Some of the mummies - mainly the better-wrapped and better-preserved ones that she suspected were Min’s favorite - seemed to be exhibiting strange little eccentricities. One of them who was nearby was stroking her almost lovingly. Another, further away, had picked up the shreds of her torn pants and knickers and piled them in an orderly little heap next to the golden phallus. One of them seemed to be gesturing toward her reverently, almost worshipfully. Others were grabbing items out of canopic jars and sarcophagi, or bringing vessels and goblets toward her wholesale. Dusty bits of gold, ornaments and offerings. Almost all of them had the kind of phallic shape and texture that suggested they were meant to be used, not admired. Whatever the celebrations and rituals had been like at the temples of Min, they probably soundly trounced Mass.

One of them - she didn’t see him until it was too late - brought one of the canopic jars up to her and dumped it over her head from behind. Once again, Lara let out as much of an undignified little squeak as she could manage given the circumstances. It was a thick, sticky oil that immediately plastered her hair to her forehead and **** her to close her eyes to keep from being blinded. But after a second, the groping hands of the mummies started to massage it into her. Her neck, her back, her arms and legs. The strong smell of olive oil suddenly filled the room. She probably hadn’t needed to worry about lubing up, though she was certainly still glad that she had. Wrenching one hand away from long enough to wipe her eyes and open them again, the offerings seemed to have intensified, with more jars and more treasures being piled next to her ruined clothing. She had the sneaking suspicion that she was about to be anointed as a priestess of min. Though, so far as she knew, Min didn’t have priestesses. So she was likely already performing the sole temple duty that would be expected of her. Perhaps, after fucking enough of his servants, she would wind up somewhere between his earthly incarnation or his concubine.

Around this same point, the mummies seemed to be making sense of the idea that she had a third hole. They alternated groping at her thick, toned ass and trying to figure out a way to get their cocks inside of it. Thrusting at her hips, her lower back, literally falling over themselves and trying to crawl up. Positioning was proving to be difficult, though any time you introduced more than two partners to the equation, that became a certainty. She at least wasn’t having any trouble. Lara was just letting them steer, meanwhile staying ready for if one of them tried an ear or an eye socket.

Seemingly fed up, one of the mummies behind Lara leaned forward and gave the one fucking her face a powerful shove. It toppled for a moment for balance - two fists still clenched in her hair - before falling backward and pulling her head with it. Lara grunted as she was the victim of dead body slapstick for the second time in a short period. Fortunately, this one was less jarring. The mummy mostly fell into a seated position in front of her, his mummified rear slamming down on the equally mummified face of the zombie thrusting up into her cunt. From below, she heard the squashed mummy grumbling and watched him slap impotently at the mummy sitting on his head, meanwhile, that mummy simply went back to pistoning her head up and down on his crotch. For all his protesting, the mummy beneath her didn’t stop his thrusts either.

It worked out very fortuitously for all but one mummy, as Lara’s ass was now exposed enough to have a realistic chance of being used. There was a scramble and a bit of a pile, but before long a victor emerged and pressed his cock against Lara’s unguarded rear. Her well-lubricated ass spread to meet him, and Lara’s heart gave a little flutter at the feeling. Being so thoroughly manhandled - and now so thoroughly filled as well - nearly made her cum at that very moment. Instead, she felt herself cumming a few seconds later as the thrusting from three different directions became just as much of a jostling current as the pushing, shoving, groping, and massaging. She let herself drift, nothing but a receptacle for disorganized, incoherent lust. Used in the purest term. Her pussy squeezed and leaked, her back arched as much as it could against what was turning into a manpile. She moaned lustily into the salty package ravaging her mouth.

She’d honestly never done this before. Not the ‘willing slut to the undead’ part, that came with the business. But she’d honestly never had a partner for each hole. It could be done with toys, sure, but getting three people with actual bodies involved turned it into chaos. But this kind of chaos, this was about the best way to actually make it happen. It was exciting much in the same way that being manhandled had been, being passed around.

Suddenly she felt a rumbling and shaking beneath her, a brief speed-up of the thrusts from the mummy in her pussy, then he buried himself as deep as he could and unloaded his supernatural balls right up into her. Lara’s heart fluttered again, and this time instead of a moan or a groan it was a pure whimper that came from between her lips. The feeling of warm cum filling her up, flooding where it was meant to flood, it was the kind of bliss that was so good it almost became non-sexual.

Realistically, a mummy shouldn’t be fertile. It shouldn’t be possible. Though, this was magic. This was also a fertility god. And as the mummy kept cumming into her womb, dumping a frankly surprising amount even for the big balls they all had swinging around, Lara made a mental note to be extra super attentive to her birth control for the next few days. She’d made it this far without giving birth to a monster baby. From the movies she’d seen, it didn’t ever seem to go well.

As his balls stopped clenching and his cock stopped twitching, the mummy underneath her seemed to take on a sleep-like stillness. He even seemed to stop flailing at the other mummy sitting on his head. His cock remained hard, buried inside of her, but Lara was the one riding it instead of her being pushed around from below. For a long minute, only two of them were thrusting as the mummy lay below, then slowly life seemed to come back into it. It went back to slapping at and trying to get free of the one sitting on it, then it started trying to squirm out from under her. That the supernatural had a refractory period, or could get overstimulated, was news to her. More likely, there was some part of its magical direction that wanted it to not burn itself out and dry itself up too soon. Each of them getting their first before any got their second - while technically the same amount of sex - was going to be easier on her than draining one completely at a time. It also kept her from being sure just how many go-arounds they each had. And Min probably didn’t want either.

Lara lifted her body as best she could to let him free, more out of concern of him getting aggressive than anything, but it was clear that she couldn’t move the whole of the pile any more than he could. Eventually, his squirming died down (though he kept fighting against the mummy sitting on his head) and he started to simply thrust up into her again.

The mummy fucking her ass gave a wheezing, dry rattle before hunching against her back and letting out the first shots of his seed. Lara’s eyes watered, her head wasn’t so much swimming as she was just letting herself drown. Her hair being pulled, her mouth being fucked, her cunt being stuffed, and now her ass being flooded with thick undead jizz. It was so much that she couldn’t even really think. Though she felt her stomach give a bit of a gurgle as, after several seconds of the mummy continuing to pump, it seemed to complain a little at the sheer amount of supernatural sperm she was stuffing it with. She couldn’t fixate on the feeling for long.

As it finished, the mummy gave another wheeze and slipped off of her, as if the spell on all of them was weakening. Lara could have only hoped. But no sooner had it fallen away than two more came up to her, fighting and shoving to get into place. With a particularly hard push, one of them sent the other teetering until he fell forward on Lara’s back - humping pointlessly at her vertebrae. Meanwhile his aggressor slid in beneath him and started to thrust somewhere around her hip bone, neither of them finding a particularly successful mark.

She wasn’t shocked by the weightlessness of them, after all this was probably fourteen or fifteen pounds of desiccated flesh with about two pounds of dust operating them, but she was certainly surprised by the heat. He didn’t just feel like an actual person laying on her back, he felt borderline feverish. Perhaps ironically, for all the touching going on, she realized she wasn’t actually making much physical contact with them outside of one or two contexts.

The one poking at her buttocks seemed to finally get his head on straight, and his cock slid into Lara’s ass without so much as a second’s resistance. Lara moaned, but then yelped before the sound had even finished. His partner seemed to have slid down her back enough to stop humping at her kidneys and press the head of his cock against her already-occupied back door. Instead of taking the hint, he just pushed harder when he couldn’t get himself in. Until, eventually, she felt herself spreading wider and taking both of them at once. Not only was the stretch intense enough to shock her out of the lusty daze she’d let herself float in, Lara was now immediately aware that she was more stuck than she was before. Even assuming she could get her legs to stop shaking, the proposition was now to free herself from what was essentially a horny dogpile.

Even worse, they weren’t thrusting in harmony. As one pushed in, the other pulled out. It felt like she was being split in half, like her ass was being pulled apart slowly. But even as she was lamenting that fact, she could feel herself getting more used to the stretch.The sensation was strange, intense, and uncomfortable. But the longer it went on, the more the unpleasantness of it passed. It became a sort of heart-pounding, eye-watering, exciting discomfort. Like being outside naked in the snow. Any unpleasant tingle, any sharpness of the sensation, just made the whole thing feel more urgent and more ****. She realized, increasingly, that she wasn’t exactly hating it. It was the exact same sort of ‘no, no, no, no, maybe, maybe, yes, yes, yes’ that she recalled from the first time she’d ever had something up her back door. The volume was louder, the no had gone on longer, but the yes was just as sweet. Perhaps sweeter.

It seemed like the other mummies realized that three holes didn’t mean only three of them at a time. Or at least, a couple did. Lara suddenly felt multiple cocks prodding her cheeks and other mummies trying to slide onto her back or squirm underneath her. The only ones that actually achieved anything were the ones in front of her. One in particular started a sort of uncomfortable ramming of her lips and nose, bucking his hips in time with her head as it was jammed into another’s crotch. Lara grumbled and groaned in protest before finally doing her best to push the rod in her mouth fully to one side and make room for another.

That was a mistake. There was no pleasure to serving two with her mouth at a time like there was with her rump. Instead Lara’s eyes watered as her cheeks and jaw ached. She was gagging pretty uncontrollably, spittle running down her chin, a feeling in her throat like she’d slept the whole night with her mouth open. Even if she wasn’t suffocating, it was certainly making it hard to breathe.

Fortunately, the first mummy must have been nearing his end for a while. He suddenly yanked down on her hair fiercely, pulling her face away from the other mummy trying to facefuck her and forcing his cock from her lips with an audible pop. Lara savored just having one piece of mummified meat in her throat as she drank down another salty, thick load. She simply let her eyes roll slightly back and her body go limp as she focused as hard as possible on keeping her throat relaxed and trying not to gasp for breath around a mouthful of person jerky and antique sperm.

When he was finally done and let Lara gasp for breath, she dove her head into another’s crotch as quickly as she could and buried it there. She would take her inhales where she could get them, what seemed the most proactive choice to make was to ensure nobody tried to double her mouth again.

While all this was happening, the shambling horde continued to trip over themselves and shove around like some demented, post-human vaudeville routine. From her limited peripheral vision, Lara watched one of them continually try to elbow his way through two others that were walling him off from her. He lurched against them again and again, not managing to move them so much as an inch. Finally, he seemed to take a running leap at their backs, which he slammed into like a bird into a window. With a snapping of long-worthless tissue, he landed on the ground in a literal heap and shambled to get himself back together again. While he was struggling, another came stomping up to take his place, but tripped himself over the pile of the first and fell face-forward into the corner of a sarcophagus. His head seemed to burst into a cloud of dust and flaky tissue, and when he rose a second later it looked like a deflated balloon was hanging limp from his neck around his torso.

Their behavior was entirely what she would have expected from mindless - or single-minded - drones. They lurched about, some with their arms outstretched like a cartoon zombie. While trying to jostle or fight their way toward her, limbs got folded, necks twisted, fingers and toes snapped like twigs - leading to them lying in piles around the room like pinecones under a tree. None of this seemed to bother them. The headless shambled the same speed as the armless. The legless crawled with their supernatural erections dragging on the ground. Honestly, the only point of them that didn’t seem to take any kind of damage was the phallus. She half-wondered about what would happen if she broke off literally every other part of the mummy and tried to leave one as a rather gruesome sex toy. Though, she supposed she had just done that to Min in abstract.

Beneath her, the mummy once again buried himself in her pussy and started to pump his sizable undead load. Lara once again felt a shudder, a little cluster of half-orgasms that seemed to drag on almost like a paralyzing flurry of sneezes. She could feel herself dripping and spraying down onto the dry body under her, she could hear all manner of undignified sounds coming from her throat as her thoroughly-abused assshole tried to contract around the asynchronous pair of cocks inside of it. The feeling in her cunt was an almost aching, somewhat overstimulated gnaw. A bodily feeling like vertigo.

As he finished, he once again started thrashing to get out from under her, and once again she was powerless to stop him. He resumed thrashing and punching at the mummy still sitting on his head, started to arch his back like he was cumming yet again. Then, with a great dry cracking, he suddenly lurched up. His headless neck slammed up into her chest with enough **** to make her wince. Meanwhile, the seated mummy toppled and fell off of the now detached head. Within seconds, other mummies had rushed in to try to get a piece, and Lara watched in disinterest as it was kicked about and went skittering across the floor. But he still wasn’t able to get away, at least not in majority. His headless body gave a particularly violent thrash and a great shudder before he started to cum again. Clearly, his balls had been overworked to the point of exhaustion, because what came out of him wasn’t much more than a few shuddering shots before he went fully limp in a way he hadn’t before. His cock shriveled within her until she felt it slide all the way out. When Lara got a good look at him, she realized he was literally crumbling to dust.

That was one down. She wasn’t sure that she wanted to treat three times as a hard limit, since it seemed like most of them took the chance they had to get away and recharged somewhat. Like they had a refractory period. That meant if there was just one, or just a couple, it would have been easy enough to hold it in place and drain it a few times. But most of them would be allowed to recharge.

Meanwhile, the feeling of having her ass still brutally used while her pussy sat empty was… strange. Like a kind of intense but askew stimulation. Trying to cum purely from somebody stroking the inside of her thighs without touching the magic buttons that made the orgasm happen.

She gave an experimental push against the grip on her hair and managed to get her mouth free of mummy cock for a moment. Taking a sputtering breath, she cleared her throat and tempted fate somewhat.

“Come on now,” She winced a bit at how hoarse her own voice was. “One of you is going to have to get back down there.”

They very likely didn’t understand her. Though if she needed evidence of that fact, she likely got it when they continued to try to pile onto her back. Humping at her ribs, her shoulders, the sides of her tits. She quickly shifted to supporting herself on her hands and knees, but even with the light weight of them, the pile grew too big to support. Lara was gradually **** into a sort of arched prone position, her butt up in the air with her tits pressed down into the sandy stone - face still buried in a bandaged crotch. It was a veritable rugby scrum of buggery. Which might have just been a rugby scrum, she wasn’t much of a sports person.

Lara could see something of a problem brewing. The longer she stayed in this position, the more the mummies humping at impenetrable parts of her body started to shift more toward her ass. It wasn’t so much she thought half a dozen of them could fit - far from it - but she was almost certain they didn’t understand that. She very badly needed to avoid any situation that resulted in her literally being stretched to the point of breaking. Once again, the idea of **** by ‘sexual misadventure’ just didn’t seem that enthusing.

Waiting for the right moment, she pushed back in toward the mummies already in her back door, feeling the great pile and crowd of them shift, then lurched forward toward what was now the weak side of it. She wound up headbutting the mummy who had been fucking her face, but with a satisfying slick feeling, her hole was suddenly unoccupied and she manged to shake the weight off of her. Lara scrambled free, trying to buy a little space and a little time. She didn’t need much more, but she needed to save as much strength as possible. It was worth it to burn some just to avoid the all-at-once sodomy train.

For a few moments, she fought like she was trying to escape without really fighting and without really trying to escape. Taking great care to avoid piles of discarded digits and wayward limbs and heads - most of which were still animated - she eventually found an unopened sarcophagus. It was roughly hip-height, and compared to the other options, seemed downright cozy. She feigned falling back across it, letting her hair spill over one end as her legs dangled open over the other.

Within a second or two of doing so, a mummy came tramping up next to her head and grabbed her by the hair once again. Lara acceded to his touch and laid her head back, letting her mouth hang open. Her reward was a salty cock jamming her tongue against the bottom of her mouth - its head pressing up against her Adam's apple - and a pair of large blue-black balls slapping against her eyes and nose. A pair of hands pushed her legs further apart and she simply brought them up over its shoulders instead of fighting it.

Though she wanted to avoid the buggery pile, she actually sighed in annoyance when he chose her pussy instead of her ass. Mainly because she’d prefer to take as few chances with a fertility god as possible. Though partly because she was simply finding she enjoyed it. After this one was done, she would have to try outright covering her cunt with one of her hands. See if she couldn’t coax a nice, orderly line of them into using her back door one at a time.

Nothing about this was ideal, but this position certainly proved more tolerable. The mummies didn’t seem to have any idea how to dogpile her or all cram in at once while she was laid back. She wasn’t being crushed, she didn’t seem to be at risk of a four-car pileup in an at most two-car tunnel, and it would be easier in the future to navigate out of this position than the previous.

The mummy fucking her throat gave a few rapid thrusts before burying himself, resting his balls against Lara’s nose as they pumped, filling her nostrils and mouth both with the smell of salt. She gulped greedily, not even trying to fight it. Her stomach was really churning now. When he pulled out of her throat, Lara quickly craned her neck up as she wiped the spittle from her lips. Her stomach seemed to have filled out ever so slightly. Like she was literally overstuffing herself on supernatural jism. A second later, another set of her hands pulled her hair to put her mouth back in place for fucking.

She hadn’t realized just how much of an overdrive her libido had been kicked into, but she was quickly becoming aware. After having her asshole used the way it had been, after an hour of facefucking, of being groped and manhandled, just lying back in a position where a single cock could hit all the right spots in her twat had her mewling and cumming like crazy. Lara’s hands clawed at the sarcophagus under her, then clenched into fists as her eyes rolled back. Her body was on fire. It felt like there was a single long muscle running from her clit to her heart and each beat of one caused a response in the other. She was so wet that it almost felt like there was no friction between the skin of her and the monster between her legs. And at the same time, she couldn’t really see what was happening, but Lara could feel more mummies continuing to add oil and rub it in like they were anointing or christening her. Massaging her stomach, her legs, her now achingly swollen and sensitive nipples. This was the kind of monster encounter that soured a girl on normal people.

As the mummy between her legs deposited yet another burning hot load inside of her, Lara sighed and relaxed further. But as he pulled back and the others clambered to take his place, it went tits-up again. Managing to get her head free long enough to look, Lara watched as one of the two leading mummies beat the other and slid effortlessly into her pussy. But the other didn’t just give up, he kept pushing, even as the former was trying to thrust into the woman in front of him and put another load of baby batter in her womb. It caused the thrusting to be awkward, erratic. He was clearly trying to find room beside his rival, but it just wasn’t going to work like that. So instead, he settled to keep pushing. Pushing and pushing until, eventually, he managed to topple the mummy inside of her over and forward. His rival’s face came falling between Lara’s tits as he humped down - he didn’t seem to mind.

At that same time, both of the two rivals started to wobble and topple forward as a third mummy (who had apparently been partially trampled by the other two and simply waiting underfoot) rose beneath them. Now Lara had two mummies lying on her stomach - one inside of her and one not - and a third between her legs trying to find a way inside of her past the awkward supernatural sandwich he had created. The weight and pressure was enough that Lara could feel mummy spunk leaking from both her holes, but that problem was quickly solved when the third mummy pushed his cock into her ass. Meanwhile the second mummy managed to squirm and angle and contort until he joined the first in her pussy.

The stretch that had come at first to her ass had shifted, but Lara didn’t find this one nearly as immediately unpleasant. In fact, as she let her hair be pulled to put her mouth back in fucking range, she decided that this much she could probably just let happen. Sure, it was a stretch, but her cunt by now was so wet and so needy that it wasn’t at all uncomfortable. More like she had gone from sating her hunger with crackers to sating it with a full meal. It also helped that - knock on wood - she couldn’t really see any way that this went beyond two at once in one hole. No matter what she did, no matter what position she tried to put herself into, she was liable to become the center or bottom of a twitching, shambolic pile of limbs and sexual organs. For as fun as it was, and as pleasurable as it could clearly be, it was all so goddamn haphazard and nonsensical. She was literally drenched in jizz, all three holes were well-stuffed with it, but the pile didn’t look any smaller or more under control than when she’d started. At least, not from where she was laying.

Suddenly, Lara felt the earth move. Glancing over, she could see a handful of the worshipper mummies pushing at the lid of the sarcophagus. Clearly it was the resting place of more canopic jars and more offerings for their goddess/cumdump. She wanted very badly to find some way to express to them that, actually, she was fine on both mummified organs and olive oil. That, really, she’d have much preferred them to leave her laying perch intact. But she couldn’t. And it only took a few more pushes before Lara was suddenly toppling ass over teakettle once more into a haphazard dogpile.

She hardly even realized she wasn’t being penetrated for a full second or two. Glancing around, she realized that the removed lid of the sarcophagus had landed mostly on the legs and feet of the three mummies that had been working at her crotch, and all three were trying to pull themselves away from the heavy stone. Realizing she might not get many opportunities like this, Lara rose and scrambled as best she could. Her cunt and ass were both throbbing and making it hard to actually run, but she sort of half-jogged to where the rope was dangling. She didn’t intend to go up above, but if she could at least get to her pack and get her guns, she could spend some time hanging and shooting. Thinning the potential work she’d have to do while giving herself however brief a rest.

Climbing the rope itself proved to be an unforeseen challenge. She had to try to keep it away from her crotch, grip it entirely in her hands and between her boots. Any time it brushed against her groin she had to pause and shudder for a moment. Not only was she overstimulated, she was over-sensitive. Perhaps some magic of Min, perhaps just the result of a girl who had written a bigger check than her orifices could soundly cash. But eventually she got up enough to start pulling at her pack.

Which was almost exactly the same moment that the mummies started shaking the rope. Lara had been ready for it before, but now she really, truly couldn’t have been worse prepared. She flailed for purchase on it, grinding one of the knots right up against her crotch and making her eyes water. The pack went tumbling out of her hands into the horde. Guns, contraceptives, first-aid kit and all. At the very least, she’d had the good foresight to put her change of clothes out beside it. Lara watched her pair of Desert Eagles go ricocheting off of some mummy’s head and clattering away. Watched a thermal blanket flutter before engulfing another like a particularly insulating net. Then the rope shook again.

She more or less let herself tumble. Keeping enough of a grip on the rope that she wasn’t about to trust fall things made of dust and magic, but letting herself slip and shimmy down until she was suspended on a pile of bodies. Carried by several of them directly. She was in a position sort of like sitting upright, her legs and rump being manhandled while her arms stayed clenched to the rope. If it came to it, she could probably pull herself up and away again, for however long that bought her. Though as the pile shifted more away from the moonlight, she could feel the rope trailing gradually out of her hands.

One mummy was in a particularly good position between her legs and stuffed his cock right into her cunt without much resistance. Lara sighed and let it happen, wrapping the rope around her wrists to keep from it fully getting out of grasp. It didn’t take long for her to get right back into the mood of things. It wasn’t like her overdrive libido or her intense arousal had gone anywhere. As another managed to body surf and climb into position that he could start fucking her face, Lara just stopped really caring.

The one in front presented a pretty solved logistical problem - he was directly in front of her and she wasn’t going to open her legs wide enough to make room for a pileup. But that left a bunch of mummies jockeying with about equal position for her ass. She could feel them pushing more or less in unison. Cockheads pressing against the meat of her thigh, the plush of one of her cheeks, grinding against her hip. Once again they pushed and shoved, and once again one finally found his way home and filled her up. But once again, it wasn’t enough. A second found a good enough position to get his head in and start thrusting. Lara winced and gasped, chewing her lip.

Then a third one started prodding, then a fourth. The pair of heads were trying to find a few inches of space in a hole that was already filled what felt like airtight. But they didn’t stop trying. They kept poking, pushing, twisting. WIth how oiled all of the affairs were and with how already abused her hole was, Lara got the sinking, stomach-churning feeling that they were making progress. She yelped aloud when the third one managed to get his head in, but when the fourth found the room, all she could manage was a **** gasp. Her eyes were wide and watering in disbelief and discomfort.

It was a feeling so intense, so beyond belief, that it seemed to turn her arms and legs to jello. She couldn’t even muster trying to squirm free even though she realized she really should have. Not just to make it stop, but to keep a fifth from getting any ideas. But instead she felt the rope slip from her hands and around her wrists. As they all started up their awkward, asynchronous thrusting, the intensity only deepened. Lara finally managed to find her voice, but it was more of a panicked, **** chuckle than anything else. A sort of stunned whimpering.

Of course, as the seconds dragged on her body simply found a way to accept it, even if her mind still recoiled at the idea. And as the worst of the pain subsided, she could feel herself getting used to it. And the more she could feel herself getting used to it, the more she wished she wasn’t. As the ache was subsiding, the feeling that remained of all four cocks pistoning in and out drove any sort of actual thought from her mind. She felt literally fucked brainless, like what was happening was so biologically not a factor that her brain had gone into lockdown. Especially surreal considering the fairly normal experience she was having in her mouth and her pussy.

Nearly in sync, all four cocks started pumping rapidly, making her dig her nails into her palm to keep from crying out. It was intense, there really was no other word to describe it. Like she’d pass out if she lost focus. But then they all thrust forward in unison, giving her ass a rest while also stretching it as wide as possible for them. Lara’s mouth shot open and she let out a guttural cry of… she wasn’t sure. Then all four of them started unloading at once, pumping what started to feel like a literal gallon up into her guts.

She… oh goodness gracious, she was going to cum from this. Lara squeezed her eyes shut as she felt it coming on. She couldn’t decide if it was more humiliating or disturbing, but she quickly settled on ‘ecstatic.’ Her pussy clenched and sprayed deliriously, she honestly thought she wouldn’t have anything left to squirt but she was proven wrong. She heard herself shrieking around the cock in her throat as if it was another person, felt her back arching under the warm touch of dozens of hands. Her ass literally couldn’t close, couldn’t pinch down, but that feeling of exposure, that feeling of being spread open, only seemed to make her orgasm more pitifully intense. Her stomach was turning in knots, and when she opened her eyes she could literally see it swelling, and the best her body could manage in response was cumming like a bitch in heat.

As all four pulled out - also in unison - a rush of new mummies came toward Lara’s rear, but seemed to form a traffic jam that caused the pile to shift and teeter. Lara craned her neck and eyes as best she could. They kept falling, forming a pile just shy of her. And the culprit was a large golden phallus that was rolling around the floor, getting kicked and caught underfoot. She couldn’t help but roll her eyes. She took the opportunity to flail a bit, but the new position she managed to create was less of a pile where she was at the bottom or the top, but more in the center. She managed to get onto her back though, which at least put her ass in a position where at most two of them would be able to get it at a time. At this point, she was completely out of control of the situation, as evidenced by the fact that almost as soon as she got into that position, there were in fact two more mummies ready for her ass.

It would prove to be a long night.

***

For what turned out to be a very long time, Lara held more or less that same position.

She had eventually become too exhausted to wriggle out of however they were choosing to manhandle her, but their numbers had also inevitably started to dwindle. Even if it was more in the ‘drops of water slowly eroding a brick wall’ kind of way. Each had somewhere between three and five. For most of the night, she was servicing at least four at a time. Usually with two cocks in either her pussy or her ass, rarely either hole left empty. More than a few times with two in both, though rarely ever with three in either. Never four again, and that proved to be the level of just unpleasant enough to get her to stop struggling.

That they had more or less run out of bodies didn’t even register to her for a while. She was laying there, waiting for another one to show up without moving. Her pussy and her ass were both… more numb than anything. She had cum so many times, been used in so many ways by so many of them, that it felt like she was badly drunk. Exhausted beyond belief.

When she finally raised her head, Lara made out that even the piles of digits seemed to have turned to dust. Eventually, she made out one figure still roaming around. Peering its bandaged head into the various sarcophagi, seemingly looking for some last, missed artifact or offering to give her. It went from one then the other for a few moments before it stopped and bent down, then came rushing over.

Lara didn’t fight it as the mummy plugged his cock into her asshole before making his offering; a large golden phallus that was now a good deal dustier than she remembered it but otherwise unharmed. She reached out to take it, but the mummy pulled it back. Rolling her eyes, she waited for it to finish.

And when it did, its head rolled back and she could see the dust starting to leak off of it. But no sooner had it finished depositing its load than it took the phallus and rammed it up into her back door where its cock had previously been. Lara squealed in indignation, but was too weak to protest properly. The mummy finished fading as she shifted uncomfortably.

The artifact was quite large, though not larger than four mummies at once, thank god. Still, it managed to plug her previously gaping hole snugly. Lara shifted slowly and rose to her feet. It took a tremendous amount of effort. She alternated clutching her head, bracing against a nearby sarcophagus, and wincing as she pushed her hand between her thighs.

Braced against one of the coffins, she reached for the artifact’s testicles and gave a pull, but her stomach groaned and shifted in a way that made her knees wobble. It seemed bigger than she remembered, even as if it had grown since it was inserted. Her badly swollen stomach - puffed up enough that she had trouble seeing her feet past it - suggested that if she pulled it out, she was going to be a certifiable torrent of mummy semen. Literal gallons. And even when that was all out, she was likely to be leaking for hours if not days afterwards. Probably best saved for when she was back at the hotel, in the shower.

God, she needed a shower. Every hair clung wetly to her body. It was like she’d just gotten out of a sticky, salty, strong-smelling bath. It was going to be very hard to keep a low profile, but she was going to have to do her best. Her holes were aching and red, walking was… a chore.

Lara took a few minutes to gather as much of her scattered gear off of the ground as she could find. She didn’t feel she had the wherewithal to do a mental checklist of everything that was supposed to be in her pack. If she left some tylenol behind, she’d live. The main things were her guns, her emergency supplies, her archeology gear, and (especially) her birth control pills. When she was close enough to packed up, she started pulling herself slowly back up the rope. It proved to be a slow, unpleasant process.

When she finally emerged on the surface, she nearly screamed. The early rising sun hadn’t come up enough to shine down into the hole, but it was blinding when she was actually in the path of it. Still, she managed to get everything - artifact included - up and out of the hole. Little victories. She picked up her spare clothes, dusted them off, and slipped them on.

Dusting off her PDA, she squinted at the screen. It suggested she had been down there for just shy of fifteen hours. She believed it. At the moment, she was operating off of a level of adrenaline and discomfort that she was going to come crashing down from soon. But she didn’t feel tired yet. Yet. She quietly blessed herself for including caffeine tablets in her emergency kit as she popped one.

After a few minutes shuffling, her PDA seemed to lapse back into an area with better signal, considering the quick flurry of pinging noises it made. Fishing it out of her pocket, Lara scrolled through them. Most of them were other business - something she couldn’t even imagine. Finally, she scrolled down enough to find Winston’s eventual reply to her translation request.

“Whomever combines these artifacts shall be…” She read carefully. “The sovereign of all sperm? Are you… you can’t be…”

Lara clenched and unclenched her fists a few times. She **** herself to take slow, deep breaths. She finally called Winston - audio only.

“Hello, mum,” He sounded much more chipper than the night before. He was probably used to her going radio silent for long periods of time after ominous final messages.

“Winston, are you absolutely sure you’ve sent me the right translation for this?” Lara croaked.

“The sultan of semen one? We’re fairly certain.” He seemed amused. “We weren’t sure it was right, so we triple-checked it. Why?”

She hung up without answering. As she continued on through the desert, her belly sloshed. She certainly didn’t feel like she was being worshipped. Perhaps it was one of those symbolic relics. Or one of those minor rewards Min had given to a particularly good clerk.

Though, if every mummy she met from now on had a boner, she was going to have to add another god to her shit list.