The Bull

“Okay,” he croaked.

“Yeah?”

He nodded. It felt like the weight of the world fell off my back.

“I want to preface this that this is a fantasy.”

“Of course.”

The seconds stretched in silence, but I didn’t feel uncomfortable. I would give him all the time he needed.

“I think it started when we got Rocky.”

I snorted, recognizing the name we had christened the larger vibrating dildo. Yes, we gave them all names. Yes, I absolutely regret letting him name them. Dork gave them all movie character names. “Sorry, sorry,” I said, not doing a good job suppressing a smile. “What about Rocky?”

“I know you like it.”

“What’s not to like? A dick that vibrates.”

He gave me a small smile. “I’m still trying to figure out the trick to make mine do that.”

“Aww,” I said, patting his cheek. “You know I like yours better.”

Smile fading, he continued. “Well, we were messing around one night, having fun. You had just orgasmed and I was working you towards a second when… uh…” I waited as he dropped his eyes. “I found myself wondering… you know… what if Rocky was real?”

A few beats passed. “You mean what if your dick vibrated?” He pushed me as I laughed. “Sorry! I couldn’t resist. Please…” I gestured for him to continue.

“I’m talking about you and another guy, okay?” he huffed. “What if, instead of me getting you off with toys, another guy did it? Not with toys,” he said, cutting me off with a sharp look. “Real sex. You and another guy.” Stunned, I had no words as my boyfriend came to life with unexpected passion. I don’t know if he was excited, or just in a rush to defend himself from perceived judgment. “I know it’s messed up. I don’t want you to cheat on me or anything. But the idea of you and another guy… I’m not opposed to it, you know? Before I knew it, I was, uh, well, looking into it. Nothing serious. Just wanted things to make sense. I know you. You love sex and I love that you enjoy it. Even when we are just using toys, I love watching you enjoy yourself and then I put two and two together. Maybe you could enjoy sex with someone else? I’m not talking exclusively. I still want to have sex with you. Just maybe, you could have more sex? While I watched? Uh… if you wanted.”

So much to unpack there I didn’t even know where to start.

“Okay,” I said with a deep breath, focusing. “First off, are we still talking in the realm of fantasy? Because it sounded a lot like you were asking me if I would have sex with another guy at the end.”

He mulled that over before meeting my eye. I was a bit surprised by the intensity there. Confrontation like this was something he avoided.

“Asking.”

How the fuck was I supposed to answer that? How was I supposed to feel? Colin, the man I loved, was telling me to sleep with another man. Wanted me to do it. All while he watched.

“How am I even supposed to answer that?”

“What do you mean?”

Fortunately, I stopped my knee-jerk reaction to that. I sure as hell wasn’t going to kink shame my boyfriend, not after he was finally showing interest in something sex related.

My second attempt was far more reasoned out. “I’m happy, Colin. I just worry you are stuck on this idea that just because I’m not having my ideal amount of sex, I’m not happy with what I’m actually getting.”

“I’m happy too,” he said softly. I nodded, glad we found something to agree on. “But what if it could be better?”

I frowned. “Or it could destroy everything. I just—I don’t know if it’s worth the risk.”

Or if I even wanted to do it. Not even going to attempt to unpack that yet. Hopefully, I wouldn’t need to.

He gave me a cute little smile. “I remember someone being steadfastly against anal. Now…”

“Trying anal sex and me sleeping with another guy isn’t even in the same realm.” Calm, Erin. Calm. “What if it isn’t like the fantasy? I know you like the idea of it, but reality is different. What if it changes the way you look at me?”

“Not going to happen.”

“You can’t guarantee that. What if it creates some lingering resentment? Instead of this fun little thing of me and another guy, all you can see is the bitch that cheated on you.” I shifted in place. “You are the only guy I’ve ever slept with. If we were to go through with this, that changes. We can never take that back.”

He was silent for a long time, thinking. “All through high school, I always thought you weren’t a virgin.”

“What? Why?”

He gave me a wry smile. “Really? You were never shy about blowing guys, so I figured…” My eyes narrowed. “Uh… anyway…”

“What? That I was slutting around like Ava and Brynn?”

“No! I know you aren’t the type of girl to hook up with random other guys—”

“Until now.” He flinched and I softened my tone. “I get what you are saying, but look at it from my perspective too. You may be okay with the idea of me and another guy, but what about me? This is a huge ask.”

“I know.”

Leaning forward, I pecked him on the cheek. Our eyes met as I gave him a smile. “Thank you for sharing. I know that was hard for you.”

“Thank you for not freaking out. More than you did, at least.”

“I need some time to think about this. Process it. We both do.”

He nodded.

“How about some Netflix?” I asked as I stood, offering my hands to help him up.

Colin grinned. “Only if we can chill later.”

“Speaking my language!”