Surely this is just the jitters.

For a few seconds neither of us seemed to know what to do next. Rebecca was still holding my hand and I was still holding hers, except that suddenly something as simple as that felt completely different. We had held hands countless times before. When we were little and crossing roads, when one of us had been upset, when we'd walked home from school together or sat beside each other watching a movie. It had always been such a normal part of our friendship that I'd never given it a second thought. Now I couldn't stop noticing the warmth of her fingers wrapped around mine or the fact that she was looking down at our hands as if she was trying to understand how something so familiar could suddenly feel so strange.

“This is weird,” Rebecca said eventually with a nervous little laugh.

“Yeah,” I admitted.

“Like really weird.”

“That makes two of us.”

She looked up at me and smiled, but there was still a nervousness behind it. “Sorry.”

“What are you apologising for?”

“I don't know.” She gave another little laugh and shook her head. “I think my brain has stopped working.”

“That makes two of us,” I repeated, which made her laugh properly this time.

Neither of us let go.

I became increasingly aware of the fact that we were still standing in the middle of the gym holding hands while hundreds of students moved around us. The music was still playing, people were dancing and talking, teachers were watching from the edges of the room, and somewhere behind me Michael was probably making a complete idiot of himself. Yet all of it seemed strangely distant. Rebecca and I had somehow managed to create our own little bubble in the middle of the entire school.

Eventually Rebecca glanced down again and seemed to notice the same thing.

“You can let go, you know.”

“I know.”

Neither of us did.

She laughed quietly. “This is ridiculous.”

“A little.”

She finally loosened her fingers and I did the same, our hands separating almost reluctantly. It was such a small thing, but I immediately felt the absence of hers against mine.

Rebecca looked across the room and her expression changed when she spotted Kat. “I feel terrible.”

I followed her gaze. Kat was talking to Carla now and laughing at something she had said, looking completely at ease from a distance.

“Why?”

“Because of her.”

I looked back at Rebecca. “You didn't know this was going to happen.”

“That doesn't mean I don't feel bad.”

“She knew how I felt about you.”

Rebecca's eyebrows rose. “She knew?”

I nodded. “She knew I was in love with you.”

“For how long?”

“Probably longer than you did.”

She winced and looked back towards Kat. “That actually makes me feel even worse.”

“You don't have to feel guilty for something you didn't know.”

“But I made you wait.”

“You didn't make me do anything,” I told her. “I chose to wait.”

She was quiet for a moment, seemingly trying to take that in. Then she looked back at me with a faint smile. “So…”

“So?”

“What did we actually become?”

I laughed nervously. “I don't know.”

“Great,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Very reassuring.”

“I've never exactly had to figure this out before.”

“Neither have I.”

There was another awkward silence, although this one felt slightly less uncomfortable than before. Rebecca looked around the gym as if she suddenly wasn't sure what two people who had just admitted they loved each other were actually supposed to do. Eventually her eyes settled on me again.

“Do you want to dance?”

“With you?”

She gave me an amused look. “Well, I wasn't planning on asking Michael.”

I laughed. “Right.”

She held out her hand.

I took it.

Walking back onto the dance floor together felt strange in a completely different way. I'd danced with Rebecca dozens of times at parties over the years, but I'd never had my hands around her waist while wondering whether she was thinking about kissing me. She slipped her arms around my shoulders and I rested mine around her waist, leaving a careful little gap between us at first.

Neither of us seemed to know exactly how close we were supposed to stand.

“This feels strange,” she whispered.

“You keep saying that.”

“Because it keeps being true.”

I smiled, and she eventually rested her head lightly against me. We started moving with the music, not really dancing so much as swaying together while we tried to get used to what we had suddenly become. Every now and then one of us would make an awkward movement and we'd both laugh quietly. At one point Rebecca nearly bumped into another couple and grabbed my shoulder to steady herself.

“Smooth,” I whispered.

“Shut up.”

I laughed.

She smiled against my shoulder.

For a little while it almost felt normal again. That was probably the strangest part. We'd spent years talking to each other this way, standing this close, laughing at the same stupid things. The only difference was that now I knew she had feelings for me and she knew I'd been in love with her for years. Every familiar thing had somehow gained a completely different meaning.

When the song was almost over, Rebecca lifted her head.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you really mean it?”

“What?”

“When you said you'd loved me for years.”

I looked down at her. “Every word.”

She was silent for a few seconds.

“I don't know how I missed it.”

“I tried not to make it obvious.”

She gave me a little smile. “You weren't very good at that if everyone else knew.”

I laughed. “Apparently not.”

“I think I was just used to having you there,” she said.

“What do you mean?”

She hesitated before answering. “You were just… my person. You'd always been there. Since we were little. I never had to think about it because you were just part of my life.” She looked down briefly before meeting my eyes again. “And now I'm wondering whether you've always been more than that and I was just too stupid to notice.”

My chest tightened. “And now?”

She gave me a nervous smile. “Now I'm trying to work out what happens next.”

The song ended, but neither of us immediately stepped away. The next one started, slower than the last, and for a moment we just stood there looking at each other.

Then Rebecca gave me a slightly embarrassed smile. “So…”

“So?”

“Are we supposed to kiss now?”

My heart jumped. “I don't know.”

She laughed. “That's reassuring.”

“I've never had to figure this out with my best friend before.”

“Me neither.”

We both leaned slightly closer. Then, at almost exactly the same moment, we stopped.

Rebecca laughed nervously and rested her forehead against my shoulder. “Nope.”

I smiled. “Too much?”

“Way too much.” She laughed again, although I could hear the nerves in it. “I've known you since I was five. This is going to take some getting used to.”

“I think I can manage that.”

She lifted her head and looked at me. “Good.”

Her fingers slipped back into mine. “We'll figure it out.”

“Together?”

“Together.”

For the first time since she'd taken my hand, the awkwardness didn't feel frightening anymore. It felt like something we could laugh about, something that would eventually become normal if we gave it enough time. We didn't know exactly what we were to each other yet, and neither of us seemed ready to put a neat label on it. But when Rebecca leaned her head against my shoulder again and I held her a little closer, it felt like the beginning of something neither of us had expected. And somehow, that made it feel real.