-Sidney Poitier

"Wha? Whazzat- It's not mornin' already, is it?" Seras groaned as John shifted atop her. John sighed, staring at her prone and naked form. The two of them had ended up showering - thank god the Order hadn't taken that out to make more space - and collapsing on a different bunk only an hour or so after their tryst, John barely having the mental wherewithal to make sure that the doors were locked before collapsing beside her.

Unfortunately, Gamer's Body was very much something he couldn't share - so he was stuck trying vainly to wake up the snoring vampiress. Whether because of her actual physical exhaustion or her total satisfaction, she refused to awaken; the most John had gotten her to do was briefly open her eyes, snatch a kiss from him while he was surprised, and then immediately slump back on the uncomfortable mattress.

"Seriously, would you even wake up if I got shot right now?" John grumbled, glaring at the snoozing woman one last time as he extracted himself from her loose grip and got off the bed. Seras may have been content to sleep the day away, but John was more than happy to move on. Leaving the room to prevent his duties from awakening the sleeping vampiress, John made his way back to the barren entry room and checked the refrigerator while flicking through his menus.

He needed to get into a routine - check his items, his abilities, his skill points, his cash… everything that could be useful. He wasn't going to get caught off guard anymore; he'd been literally vanned less than twenty-four hours ago and had no desire to repeat that. He immediately refilled his ring to maximum mana and health, letting his natural regen do the work of filling both back up. Then, he recharged the rune engraved on his breastplate to full. Most of the magic he'd dealt with had been more aimed at capture than harm, but it had still lost a couple charges. The enchantment was weak, but so was John; any edge he could get would be outstanding.

Aside from those two things, he had little to do, so he spent some time combing through his menus. There were only a handful of things to check that he hadn't been over while checking his points and stats, but a few caught his eye. Like his settings, which allowed him to change various facets of his menus - none that were very significant, but he made a note to go back and inspect it later if he ever had a desire to change the borders or the color of his windows…

What caught his eye was the "Helper Settings", which was something John had a couple suspicions about. Either it was the assistance he got with using magic without actually understanding the inner workings of it - in which case he was almost terrified to change anything, or…

"Hey, you lint-licking scrotum-sucker! Don't touch anything in there; if you do-"

"Yeah that confirms it, definitely fucking with everything in here," John grumbled, flicking through the few options available. Most were pretty simple, having to do with accents, localization, language, and color scheme. Two caught his eye, though - a toggle for the assistant between "automatic" and "manual" was the first one, and flipping it over to "manual" immediately made the annoying paperclip vanish. The second was just titled "Assistant" near the top, and it had "Natty" listed… but when he clicked on it, a drop-down menu appeared. There weren't many options; most were listed as <UNAVAILABLE>. Still, anything was better than what he had now. Tapping away randomly, John picked a seemingly innocuous name from the three others available, one labeled "Harper".

A few of the other settings changed when he tapped on the button, but the most noticeable was that the window for the assistant popped up again. This time, instead of a paperclip infested with some sort of exotic fungus, John saw something far more resembling an AI than a digital helper. Her window was actually extended horizontally rather than vertically, the first that he'd ever seen display in that manner - she was certainly the first to be displayed in such a way as she was, rising above the screen and being projected in mid-air above the horizontal screen.

Her form was that of a normal human, albeit wearing rather skimpy clothes, but her entire body was shifted into varying hues of orange. Her skin was paler while her clothes, hair, and what appeared to be gloves were all so dark that they almost appeared black in places, even with the drastic shift in color and the brightness emanating from her translucent figure. A confident smirk was on her face when she appeared, and it didn't fade as she gave a firm bow. When she rose back up, her hand was clutched over her heart and a serious look in her eyes.

"Good morning, Master Newman. Thank you for choosing me as your digital assistant. My name is Evellyn Harper; how may I be of assistance?"

The woman's voice was a softer British, more subdued and subtle than Seras' thick accent that only grew stronger the more upset she seemed to be. It reminded John far more of Diana Burnwood or the Adjutant from Starcraft 2.

"That is… a hell of an attitude adjustment," John said, blinking. "Not that I'm complaining. Nice to meet you, Evellyn."

Achievement Unlocked! "Proper Employee Management!" ~ You bothered to actually explore your menus and find a proper personal assistant. You even get a skill for it, because of course you can't be bothered to do anything without your powers anymore, can you? Seriously, did you even consider a PDA? What about the calendar on your- you know what, this isn't worth it, and we both know you just wanted a pair of tits anyway.
Feature Unlocked: Personal Assistant

Personal Assistant- Your interface now has full access to and control over a digital assistant. She is fully intelligent and acts as a sort of virtual intelligence over your interface - she can bring up menus, instruct you in efficient utilization of your abilities, and even has her own personality and memories to allow her to remind you of tasks, objects, and skills you may have forgotten or overlooked. Mana Cost: N/A

"Huh. So you're more of an AI than a VI?"

"I have self-awareness and reasonable intelligence, yes, but I have no ability to alter my own programming or to learn additional subroutines outside of interference via your granted abilities or your own personal programming. Essentially, while I do possess the logic and intelligence I have been programmed with, I am incapable of learning without outside assistance, and therefore I fall short of what most would refer to as 'true' Artificial Intelligence. For instance, I lack true emotional depth beyond what is assigned by your choice of personality, and I cannot choose to willingly betray you."

"Well… I'm not going to complain about that," John said. "So… Evellyn, let's get started."

John had to admit, having Evellyn around was going to make his prep life much easier. Not only could she keep track of his Crafting recipes and tell him exactly what he needed at any point without him having to use his ability to view them again and then manually tally it against his inventory, but her flexibility with reminders and notifications was astounding. John was able to stop anything other than directly relevant messages from coming up in combat; plus instead of having to use his phone to set a daily reminder to check his equipment at a certain time, he just told Evellyn to remind him every time he got out of combat to restore his Rune of Disruption, recharge his Bronze Ring of Transference, and to keep an eye on the durability of any of his equipment if it got too low. So far even his sword was above 75% durability, though, so he wasn't too worried.

"Would you like me to remind you immediately or only after your mana and health reserves have recharged to full?"

"Uh… holy shit, yeah, do that," John said, blinking as he recalled that achievement he had just received. "Also, fuck that achievement - you're way better than a phone."

"I would be inclined to agree, Master Newman."

"…Why does everyone call me Master?" John asked, turning his eyes back to Evellyn's face. "Seriously, I get Seras - but the Nekos do too, Lunaya can't talk, and now you're using it straight away."

"It's only the proper term for one who serves to use," Evellyn said, giving the slightest shrug of her shoulders. "If you would prefer, I could alternate the terms I use to address you. Perhaps you would prefer Lord Newman?"

"That… reeks of Moira's father. Just call me John."

"Very well, John shall be designated as your preferred title. Did you have any other business to handle, or shall I minimize myself?"

"Uh…" John trailed off as he thought things over. He couldn't come up with anything, and now it seemed like if he ever did, he could just conjure her up again, now that the stupid thing had been taken off Automatic. More than anything, he was just happy to be rid of Clippy's more vulgar brother.

"Nope, that'll be all," John said, smiling. Evellyn nodded, gave another quick bow, and then vanished into the window that rapidly closed as soon as she was gone.

"You talkin' to someone down here? 'Cause I might 'aveta interrupt. This sounds pretty important."

As John turned he noticed Seras standing in the doorway behind him, still half-asleep judging by the way that she was rubbing at her eyes. She was holding out John's phone, and on it he noticed Tricia's number popping up. John couldn't even remember when he'd added her as a contact, though he vaguely recalled her saying something about putting it in when she was upgrading his phone. Wondering what was so important for her to be calling him, John took the phone anxiously.

"Yeah, Tricia? What's up, what's going on?"

"You need to meet me in the Brighton Manor as quickly as you can," Tricia breathed, her voice rapid. It was the most excited he'd heard her in some time - she was apparently breaking through the limits of her suit again, because, even as he heard the telltale beeping of a drone in the background, her ecstatic voice barely dimmed.

"Why? Is something wrong?"

"Quite the opposite, John Newman," Tricia practically whispered, her voice breathy and full of wonder.

"It's your egg. It's hatching."