Sarah confesses to Marley and Louis

The trip to the restroom is a fairly straight shot from our booth, but I still waver side to side and even have to grip some seated patron’s shoulders to prevent me from falling over. Once Sarah and I are in the privacy of the bathroom I go into a stall, slide my panties down, hike my skirt up, and sit down to relieve myself. I hear Sarah taking the next stall and say quietly, “I can see this is bothering you Sadie. Do you want to get out of here? We can find another bar if you like. Or we can go home. Just tell me what you want.”

I finish relieving myself, wipe with some toilet paper, pull my panties up, let my skirt fall back into place, and flush the toilet, all while considering what I really want. On the one hand, I’m having a good time. The buzz I feel is great and making me feel like my head is swimming in the deep end of the pool. And Sarah must be feeling similarly. I’m not even bothered by the crowd when I consider them in bulk. When they’re just anonymous strangers. But for whatever reason, Marley is bothering me. Or rather, he’s making me think of Todd and those thoughts are bothering me.

Sarah comes out of her stall just as I’m cleaning my hands and staring blankly into the mirror. She doesn’t say anything as she moves up to clean up as well, giving me the time to think this through. Stay? Go to another bar? Go home?

It’s only when I’m touching up my makeup, popping my lips to blot my pink lipstick, that it really hits me. Marley isn’t bothering me. I’m letting his masculine presence bother me, but it’s not really him. All I need is a bit of ‘Princess BabyDoll’ to get me rolling, and then I should be fine. Turning so that I can look at Sarah’s reflection I finally nod and say “No, I don’t want to leave. I’m gonna get over this and not let… let him, ruin this night. He’s already ruined enough.”

Sarah’s smile is infectious and I’m almost sure the extra bravery from the **** spurs me on to add, “Fuck Todd!”

Arm in arm, Sarah and I head back to our table. Most of my smile and almost all of my bravado is faked, but I still remember some of my first lessons in streaming. Fake it till you make it.

As our table comes into view though, I realize just how thin and **** my grandiosity is. It’s no surprise that the waitress came and cleaned up all of Sarah’s and my empty glasses and replaced them with fresh drinks. It’s no surprise to see Marley and a fresh glass of whisky. What is surprising is seeing Louis along with a beer sitting next to Marley, the two of them talking animatedly like they were good friends.

Even Sarah stops dead in her tracks as this just shouldn’t happen. It was strange enough randomly meeting Marley, but Louis too? At the same time?

Louis slides out of the booth with a nervous grin. “Hey Sadie, I hope you don’t mind but Marley invited me to sit down. You see, I saw you and Sarah and came over to say hi, but by the time I got here you both had gone off to the bathroom. Marley and I kind of connected with both of us knowing you, so he invited me to stay until you got back. Do you mind if I join you?”

I pause for a moment and wonder if Louis knows how strong his use of puppy dog eyes is. He looks genuinely concerned that I might be upset at him, while also making it abundantly clear that he’d love to join us. Or at least join me. A glance at Marley, still seated, tells me that he understands and even empathizes with Louis.

Standing up straight, I take just one more moment and imagine my computer monitor and camera in front of me. I know the ring light is making my skin look as smooth and even as possible and giving me those great glints in my eyes. The pink and purple back lights are giving me the style I need and the audience on the screen is happy and welcoming me back. Once I feel that my Princess BabyDoll smile is genuine, I move up to Louis and place my hand on his chest. Moving up on my toes I give him a quick kiss to the cheek and say, “Yeah, that’s fine Louis. We’d love to have you!”

Scooching into the booth I realize I’m doubly happy with my decision. Not only is it putting me into a position of looking more normal, something I desperately want to truly feel, it’s the first time I’ve had all my friends together in one place. When I’m seated next to Marley, I offer him his own grin and give him a kiss to his cheek. When his hand casually comes and takes mine I blush a bit and look down. Turning to the other side though, I see that Sarah didn’t follow me in, leaving Louis to scootch up to my other side.

It seems I’m to be a Sadie sandwich to the two men in my life. Dark rye bread to one side and white on the other. As if he was reading my mind Louis smiles and takes my other hand with both he and Marley giving my hands a squeeze at the same time.

Over the next hour we have a genuinely good time. It’s clear only a few minutes in that both Marley and Louis are paying primary attention to me, with Sarah being left as the third… fourth?... wheel. While I relax and even slow my drinking down I still, every few minutes, feel that stress return. It’s just something in the way of Marley or Louis touching me, or saying something, or a smell wafting by, or seeing another couple across the bar. Each time I tense up just a bit and take moments to relax. I try my best to keep it out of my eyes and facial expressions, but Louis finally shows me that I haven’t been doing it well enough.

Taking my chin in his hand, Louis turns me to face him directly. He glances for just a moment past me at Marley before saying, “Sadie, there’s something we gotta talk about. Marley and I compared notes a bit before you and Sarah got back, and we both agree that you’ve been acting a little off for the past week or so. And now it’s clear that you’re having a good time but even though you’re drunk you can’t seem to relax. So, what’s going on?”

Even though Louis’ fingers continue to hold my chin still, I glance at Sarah over his shoulder, wondering what I should say. Her entire expression and body posture say that it’s my decision. But as she spreads her hands apart and gestures at both Louis and Marley, she mouths “I’d tell them.”

Louis lets go of my chin but his command of where I look is taken over by Marley’s kind grip, turning me to look into his deep dark eyes. His voice, quiet and chill, still let me know he’s being honestly concerned, “Look Sadie, Louis is right. We both know we’ve made you uncomfortable in the past and I think we’ve both proved that we don’t want to do that again. But we can’t NOT make you uncomfortable if we don’t know what we’re doing wrong. So let us know what’s going on. We only want to be friends.”

Sighing deeply, I pull both Louis’ and Marley’s hands up to the table, letting them each keep a grip on one of my hands. While my eyes keep looking at our four hands, I start to talk and tell them almost exactly what I told Sarah. I could probably tell Marley all of it as he knows about my secret, but I keep out any part that would reveal my original gender. As is, I can feel both of them growing tense and angry as I go on.

There’re several times that I have to stop completely, the effort of not bawling in public taking more energy than I thought I had. But when I’m done, I finish the same way I did with Sarah, telling them that I can do this alone and that I don’t want them to get involved, “I’ll get through it.”

I don’t dare look at either, too afraid that it will be like seeing Sarah’s concern all over. I hear Louis start talking first, “Sadie, you can’t let this go. We’ll help you…”

But he’s quickly cut off by Marley, “No, sorry Louis, but no. Sadie’s clear on this. While I’m sure we both want to rip this guy’s arms off and beat him to **** with them, that’s Sadie’s choice. She just needs to know that if she ever changes her mind, we’ll both be here for her. Right?”

Louis squeezes my hand, seemingly taking special effort to not squeeze it harder than I could bear, and says tensely, “That’s right Sadie. We’ll do as you want, but we’ll be here if you want us to do more.”

My neck actually makes a creaking noise as I look up at Louis and Marley in turn. I can feel the tears just barely held back as I smile. Pulling my hands from theirs, I look at Marley and lean in to kiss him. I take my time, kissing him on the lips as my hands caress his cheek and chest. When I pull away, I simply quietly say “thank you”

I then turn and repeat the action with Louis. My hands find his cheek and chest while my lips find his and I kiss him deeply, passionately, and genuinely. When I feel my breath has been fully taken away I back away from the kiss and again quietly say “thank you”

I have no idea how to break this moment as it feels like the tense emotions are like thin glass ready to break at the smallest interruption. Sarah though takes the straight path and brings us all back to the present by poking fun and reminding us we’re here to have fun, “Hey, if you want I can book you guys a room. Or two rooms if you two want me to guide Princess here to go back and forth between you!”

And just like that, the tense dark moment is gone and all four of us are laughing. I feel doubly relieved as clearly Marley knew how I felt about Louis, but Louis had no idea about my feelings toward Marley. And now with both of them acting as my protectors and me kissing them with equal feelings, he’s aware and evidently doesn’t care.

We all shift gears and return to drinking and chatting. Soon enough last call comes and Marley settles all of our bills. Sarah tries to stand up and insist on paying for our share, but Marley just grins and pushes her back into her seat saying, “Why don’t you pay for the ride home, since none of us are safe to drive.”

It takes Sarah three tries to get her phone out and call up an Uber. While she tries for an UberXL, Uber Comfort, or even an Uber Black so that we can all fit comfortably, she finally has to settle on a normal car. Even considering that we’re going to get a smaller car, we’re all taken aback as the app says our driver Melissa will arrive in five minutes. In a Honda Civic.

Louis, far less **** than Sarah or me, finally shrugs and laughs, saying that we’ll make it work as he’d rather squeeze in and make sure we get home safe than take multiple cars home.

As we wait outside the bar, me snuggling up to Louis for warmth, I imagine Louis, Sarah and I could probably squeeze three abreast in the back while Marley can fit up front with the driver. But even that plan goes out the window when Melissa pulls up and with her Collie sitting in the front seat with her. While I don’t want to put anybody out, I can’t imagine how we’re going to fit in this car and am getting ready to say that Sarah and I will be fine on our own. But before I can offer that solution, Marley leans into Melissa’s window and takes charge.

His voice remains calm, but still has that natural air of command. “Melissa, right? That’s Sarah over there, the one that called for the ride. It’s real important that the four of us get a ride together, dropping us off at three different locations. I’m sure you’re a safe driver so I know we’ll be okay if all four of us squeeze into your backseat, even if we all can’t use individual seat belts. Are you okay with that?”

Melissa looked doubtful as Marley mentioned four of us fitting into her compact car’s back seat, but he sealed the deal by reaching out and petting the Collie, earning some happy licks to his face as he looked at Melissa for approval. Soon enough she nodded and gave us permission to pile in.

Louis slid in first and scootched all the way behind the driver’s seat. Sarah climbed in next and squeezed as close to Louis as she could. Marley went next, first reaching in to push the front passenger seat as forward as possible before wedging in behind it, next to Sarah. From the driver’s rear door, to Louis, to Sarah, to Marley, to the passenger rear door, there was absolutely no space wasted. But as I took a breath to admit the obvious… we weren’t going to fit, Marley confidently pointed at me and directed me to the other side of the car saying “Go to that door. We’ll make room.”

It only takes me a few extra moments to stumble my way around the car and find the passenger door open, waiting for me. I’m taken aback when Louis reaches out of the car, grips me by the waist, turns my backside to the car, and pulls me in. On his lap. With a strength I’d never associated with him, he easily puts his arm under my knees and spins me on his lap until I’m sitting side saddle, my legs pointed to the now empty center seat. As the door closes behind me, I see that Sarah has been given a similar perch, only on Marley’s lap.