Put Sharon on, Bernie

Bernie awaited Gary's thumbs-up. He'd told Bernie a little about his struggles with Sharon, but Sharon said she was over all that. It was alcohol and impulse control, and she'd kicked alcohol, right?

Bernie's phone sounded with a musical phrase.

INCOMING CALL from LOVER BOY showed on the screen. Joyce had teased her about her lover boy Gary, and Bernie had changed his name in the phone number list.

"Bernie?" Gary said.

"Gary?" Her voice was excited, breathy in Gary's ear through the phone.

"Um, wow," he said. He sounded dazed, just like he said, still waking up from a nap. "You can go ahead if you like. We should talk tonight. But put Sharon on, okay?"

Bernie offered the phone to Sharon.

"Gary?" she said.

"Hi."

"You sound wiped out," Sharon said.

"Yeah, kinda. Busy day."

"I brought your jacket back. It doesn't fit me. I've been doing a lot of lifting."

"Good for you. Thanks, Sharon."

"Did Bernie tell you I still want you? Your dick, anyway. She's a better girlfriend for you."

"Wow. Yeah. Anyway. You were looking for Stu to drop off my jacket?"

"Yeah. And I wanted to apologize for going Bitchzilla on you. I hurt you that one time and I didn't get anything out of it. It was my problem. Stu was right. I needed to kick booze."

"Uh-huh," Gary said. It had been more than just that one time. "You're sober now?"

"Six months. Ever since that night."

"Good for you. I think I gotta crash again. Be good to Bernie, okay?"

"Oh god she's so nice, Gary, where did you find her?"

"Had a class together. Studied. Hit it off. Gotta fade, can you hand me back to Bernie?"

"But do you want me back? I mean in bed? We were so good in bed. That's all I want, you know? And your girlfriend says it's okay with her."

"I don't have two brain cells to rub together, Sharon. I'm glad you're doing well. If Bernie likes you, that's great. Hand me over to Bernie, okay?"

"Gary?" Bernie said.

"Sweetheart. I am really fading out. You go ahead with Sharon, whatever you want. Let's talk later, yeah, let's talk." He dropped his voice to a whisper. "Like the old fortune cookie thing," Gary said, with a pause. "IN BED."

Bernie laughed. "Okay lover boy,"

"Oh god," Gary said. "Bye-bye."

"Bye!!" Bernie chirped.

Sharon looked up. "He didn't say no?"

"Hit this, yes or no? He said yes."

"Ah ha ha ha ha, okay then. It's slobberin' time!" Sharon grabbed Gary's old athletic jacket and rubbed it under Bernie's nose. "Haha, you feel it. C'mon, get out the van key."