A new teacher

"I'm sorry," said Hermione. "You're going to be doing what, exactly?"

"I'm going to be teaching Defense Against The Dark Arts," said Professor Pervox.

"But you can't do that."

"Why not?"

"You're not a person."

"There's no rule that says the Defense Against The Dark Arts professor has to be a person."

"But you're a horrible monster. Horrible monsters can't teach Defense Against The Dark Arts."

"Sure they can," said Professor Pervox. "Anyway, I'm not a horrible monster. I'm just a depantor."

"Depantors are horrible monsters!"

"That's not a very nice thing to say about your new Defense Against The Dark Arts professor," said Pervox, giving Hermione's left nipple a firm pinch with one of its many tentacles. "Normally, Hermione, if a student was rude enough to call me a horrible monster in one of my classes, I'd punish her by taking all her clothes off and stripping her completely naked in front of all the boys. But it looks like you're already naked, Hermione. In front of all the boys."

Hermione's face went very red. She was indeed naked. In front of the boys. The fact that all the other girls were also naked didn't make her feel any less naked. She really wished she wasn't naked.

"I can't help it," she muttered. "It's a school rule."

"Yes, I know, Hermione. I wouldn't be a very good Defence Against The Dark Arts professor if I didn't know that the school rules require you to spend the rest of the year completely naked, in front of all the boys. But it means I'm going to have to find another way to punish you. Draco, would you care to pinch Hermione's nipples?"

"Excuse me?" said Hermione, hotly. "Draco's not allowed to pinch my nipples!"

"Yes he is," said Pervox, turning Hermione around to face Draco Malfoy and pinning her wrists behind her back with its tentacles. "Draco, you can pinch Hermione's nipples as much as you want. Also, since I can read her mind and know all her embarrassing secrets, I think you'd like to know that she has a huge crush on you and secretly masturbates to you."

"That's pathetic," gloated Draco, pinching Hermione's nipples while she kicked and blushed and squirmed. The classes had been divided up by gender, so all the clothed Slytherin boys were in with all the naked Gryffindor girls, and all the clothed Gryffindor boys were in with all the naked Slytherin girls. The Slytherin boys all pointed and laughed as Hermione fumed and wriggled, trying to get away from the pinching. "It's not true! I don't... I don't do that!"

"Sure you do," said Pervox, letting her go with a lash of a tentacle across her bottom. "Anyway, students, it's time for class. Today we're going to be practicing how to defend yourself from truth-telling spells."

"What does that mean, sir?" asked Luna Lovegood, who seemed suspiciously eager to be included.

"I'm so glad you asked, Luna. All the naked Gryffindor girls will line up in front of the class, and all the clothed Slytherin boys will cast truth-telling spells on them. Then the girls will try not to divulge all their most embarrassing, humiliating, intimate, perverted sexual secrets to the boys."

"Such as what?" said Luna.

"Well, for example, Ginny Weasley likes to entertain herself by shoving a greased carrot up her bottom and riding the washing machine. Generally you'll find that a lot of Gryffindor girls secretly like it up the bum, and don't want anyone knowing about it."

"Nonsense!"

"We do not!"

"That's an absolute lie!"

"And I've brought some carrots to punish the girls who give in," said Professor Pervox. "Anyway, let's get started."