Joker's back in town!

“Impressive…” Said Dracula, standing on the roof of the iceberg lounge looking up into the night sky to see a small maelstrom swirl overhead. From the ground it looked like a grey swirling cloud, but on closer inspection, one would see hundreds of disembodied spirits wailing overhead, lost and confused, tethered by a singular will that smiled up at her work. The rest of Gotham looked up at the haunted skies and shut all their windows and doors, clasping their hands over their ears to the cries of the dead looming overhead.

“I have weaponized the shame of the Dark Knight my love, all of these spirits are those he had failed to save, failed to protect, I shall use them to be his end, for you.”

Vicky and Talia watched on at the swirling storm of pain and misery above them, thoroughly impressed at the sight. “Well done sister, when do you plan to strike?

Looking over to Vicky Vale, Zatanna gave the blonde vampire a cruel smile, one with a haughtiness better seen on Talia then her. “Your attack on the mansion with Mr. Freeze has made them vulnerable, I intend to send my new legion to finish what he started… And succeed where you failed.” Vicky sneered, rolling her eyes and crossing her arms in contempt.

Turning to leave through the exit, the four vampires stopped when they heard something unusual from the storm churning above them, where there were hundreds of voices moaning and wailing out, begging for release or answers to their deaths… One was laughing.

“What… Is that?”

The laughter seemed to come from everywhere, echoing around the building, stalking in the darkness around the four vampires until it grew loud enough to seem close by. “Tell me if you heard this one before… A reporter, an assassin and a Vegas magician walk into a bar run by a fat bird, they try to get free drinks at the bar but the bird refuses.” The laughter grew closer as Dracula’s brides become wary, alarmed by the familiar voice. “The magician offers to perform at his club; the reporter offers to cover the show for publicity and the assassin threatens to kill him. The bird answers ‘Sure thing! Everyone LOVES seeing their goose get cooked on stage! HA ha ha ha HA!” Flying up into the air, tumbling upside down in the air clutching his sides and then finally landing on his feet to bow before the four vampires, Dracula’s brides gasped when they ghost of the Joker stood back up with his arms outstretched with a wide grin on his pale face.

“Guess what kiddies, Joker’s back in town! Ha ha ha ha HA ha!”

“Who… Or WHAT is this?” Leaning back and narrowing his eyes, Dracula looked over the spirit standing before him. Dressed in a well tailored purple and green suit, the lapel sported a pink carnation along with white gloves and dress shoes to complete the ensemble. He was white, chalk white even for a ghost, with red lips and bright green hair. But what really struck the no life king was his face; sharp pin-prick eyes and a rictus grin that consumed his entire face. He had seen many spirits in the past, many lost souls, others partially aware of their undeath. But this one, this one was completely aware, alert… And willful. Floating quickly towards the four, the brides stepped out of the way as the Joker pressed up against Dracula, wrapping a cold phantom limb around his shoulder.

“Gotta say Count Chocula, you got some pretty good taste in women, I have to ask, do I have a shot with any of your vamp-tramps? Or is the only way to get sucked off is if I have a pint of blood in me first? Ha HA ha ha ha ha HA!” Swiping his arm at the spirit in fury, the vaporous ghost dissipated and reformed in front of Zatanna, his hands clasped together and his eyes fluttering. “What REALLY touches my unbeating heart is you chose me, ME of all people to kill the bat… ‘Sniff’, I could just kiss you.” Suddenly finding his hands on her shoulders, Zatanna was unprepared for the kiss that locked with her lips, her face going numb from contact with his disembodied spirit, the skin becoming dry and cracked before Talia waved her hand through the Joker to make him stop. Zatanna coughing as her skin healed.

“ENOUGH FIEND!”

“Right… Right… Business before pleasure…” The ghost of the Joker sighed before standing straight with a note pad in one hand and a pen in the other. “SO! Down to business, how do you want it done? Like an accident? Like a mob hit? Or do you want the birthday special? It’s where you find him dead by drowning face down and ass up in a banana cream pie with a roman candle up his ass.” The joker winked at Vicky Vale, garnering disgust from the vampire.

“Who or what are you?” Dracula demanded, finding the ghost’s presence more than disturbing.

“GASP! That’s right! I never introduced myself and here we have a new guest in our humble cesspool of a city… Sometimes I forget I mostly do local shows.” Billowing like a cloud to reform in front of Count Dracula, the ghost presented a playing card with a dancing jester on the face of it. “I my good friend am the Joker! Clown prince of crime, and occasional haberdasher; I do parties, weddings, birthdays, bar mitzvahs and the occasional funeral.” With each description, the ghosts of said events passed by in the background, all having been killed by his hands.

Attempting to pick up the playing card, it dissipated in the Count’s fingers like smoke.

“Can you succeed where Mr. Freeze had refused to finish? Can you kill the Wolf?”

“Pff…What do I look like, pest control?” Joker scoffed, rolling his eyes and waving his hands in mock offense.

“You are mine to control spirit, and by my blood, you shall do so.” Commanded Zatanna, raising her hand and clenching her fist. In doing so the Joker took on a distressed look, as did the hundreds of spirits swirling over head, their wails growing louder but the mass of them recoiling closer together, becoming idle.

“Okay, okay… I can take the hint…” Straightening himself and wiping the sleeves of his suit, the Joker turned his attention back to Dracula with his iconic smile. “So, you want to know if I can kill the Batman eh?” Turning around, the Joker made a jerk-off motion gesture at his waist before spinning back around. “FINE! Let me give you a demonstration then…” Hinting for the four to follow him, the Joker floated like a wisp down the stairs leading into the Iceberg lounge, chuckling to himself as they made their way down to the center of the lounge at the main floor. A band was playing while patrons danced or drank at the bar and tables. Waiting at the far corner of the floor, Dracula watched as the ghost danced and capered towards the stage, completely invisible to the patrons until he stood up to the microphone and snapped his fingers. The spotlight focused center stage where the music stopped, and the crowd suddenly became aware of the vapour form of the Joker up on stage. Some murmured wondering if he were a hologram or a projection… Or a sick joke.

“Greetings fellow iceberigans, Joker’s back in town; sure, lost a lot of weight since I’ve been gone but lost none of the substance, so who wants to laugh?”

A lone person in the crowd chuckled briefly, unamused.

“Tell me, what’s the fastest way to stop an argument between a bunch of deaf people? Turn off the lights.”

The drum roll hit and several people giggled at the dark joke.

“What do you give an armless child for Christmas? Nothing!... He wouldn’t be able to open it anyways.”

Now the crowd were starting to chuckle and laugh, catching themselves with some embarrassment.

“My butt hair is so long, it made it to the Guinness Book of Records. Not for long though. They threw me out of the library pretty quickly.”

Several patrons spat out their drinks and laughed out loud, the floor filled with people clutching their sides with laughter.

“One man's trash is another Man's treasure? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.”

By now the crowd were possessed with laughter, their faces twisting into painful smiles as they laughed uncontrollably.

“I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45.It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.”

Dracula soon realised what was happening when one of the waitresses collapsed to her knees scratching at her throat. Wide eyed in horror but unable to stop laughing, the woman along with everyone else on the floor were suffocating with laughter.

“What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn’t really matter what you call him, he won’t come anyway.”

“A man wakes from a coma. The wife changes out of her black clothes and irritated, remarks, I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!"

“What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.”

“A guy asks his waiter at a restaurant how they prepare their chicken. The waiter goes blank for a second, then says, Nothing special really... We just tell them they're going to die...”

By then it was apparent that no one was laughing anymore, all around the room in front of the stage, everyone was dead. Some drooling, others bleeding from their mouths after biting their tongues, many wide eyed with terror, but all with rictus grins that split their faces from ear to ear. To say Dracula was disgusted was an understatement, he could admit to himself that he was a killer of men, his nature required it. But this? Random, indiscriminate, and gleefully sadistic, his mind wandered to that human demon he crossed paths with weeks ago. The Scarecrow was a shade of evil he wished never to be compared to, but this? This… Joker, was sadism incarnate! He made a mockery of death, sparing no one from his cruel comedy. If he still had the capacity, he would have thrown up.

Prancing off the stage and dancing around the bodies of his victims like a ballerina, the Joker smiled and bowed to the Count and his brides.

“Got to admit… I don’t leave enough for a repeat show, but I always leave the place DYING in hysterics HA HA HA HA HA!”