Yes - you need some time to get your head straight

Inexplicably feeling the need to pee starting to build again so soon after such a long and vigorous release only about half an hour ago, and still none-the-wiser about where on earth your toilet was, you decide that calling in sick is the best thing to do. There is no way you're in a fit state to concentrate on doing your job right now and if there's one thing above all else that drives your boss potty it's a lack of focus on the task at hand.

Grabbing your phone off the desk you unlock it and do a double take for at least the second time this morning. Your background picture is still of your best friend and her wife Lisa, but while Julie is wearing that denim skirt with embroidered red roses you got her for her birthday a couple of years back Lisa is bottomless. Just casually standing there having her photo taken without a stitch of covering between her belly button and at least the upper part of her thighs (the photo doesn't go any lower). Forcing yourself not to stare at the vulva you never in a million years expected to ever see - Lisa doesn't even like swimsuits - you load up your contacts and dial your boss' direct line. Getting the all-too familiar Boop-beep-boop-beep-boop-beep you realise the phone system has fallen over yet again.

"Good morning, London Council how can I help you?"
"Ah hello Anne, it's James G here, can you put me through to Derek in planning please. The direct dial's broken again."
_"[sighing] And don't I know it! We've raised the issue with the service desk, again, and they claim they'll get it fixed in three days but if you believe that... Anyway, I'll put you through now."
Even if all around you was crazy it was refreshing to know that at least one thing hadn't changed and Anne was still the same old lady who didn't have a good word to say about outsourcing.
"[laughing] Hello James, I hope you're not ringing in to tell me you've won the lottery and are on the plane to Dakar to find a girl who wont run away when you invite her to watch you poop?"
"Err, no, no, nothing like that." you sputter, slightly shocked at Derek's language. "I've not won anything, or at least I don't think I have. I'm just feeling rather out of sorts, and unable to focus properly. I'm going to need to take the morning off at least, maybe the whole day if I need to see a doctor about it."
"[more seriously] You're not getting that newmo-thing again are you?"
"Pneumonia. I don't really know what's up but it doesn't feel like that. As I say I hope it'll be sorted quickly."
"Phew. We can't afford to lose you for weeks again. Anyway, keep the liquids flowing in and out and we'll see you tomorrow."_

Derek has hung up before giving you a chance to ask him what he meant by that last statement, and why anyone would invite someone to watch them defecate for that matter? The day was getting stranger by the minute, but first things first you dash off to the shower again and let loose another torrent of pee. That pressing need dealt with it's time to start figuring things out.