Fuck Bonnie, marry Evanna, kill Katie!

‘Fuck Bonnie?’ Emma, her face twisted with embarrassment, nods. ‘Understandable. First tits you ever saw and everything. D’you think she shaves?’

‘I – I really have no idea,’ Emma begins hotly. Then she pauses, and you can almost see the **** curiosity forming. ‘What does that… have you ever seen what that looks like? A redhead’s vagina, I mean?’ She blushes scarlet as she says it.

You laugh, opening a new tab. ‘Let’s find out, shall we?’

Moments later, you’re both gazing appreciatively at a fiery red cunt, in all its unshaven glory. Emma bites her lip hard.

‘That’s actually really pretty,’ she says softly. ‘I mean, I prefer mine shaven, but it’s almost a shame not to keep it like that, when you have such nice-coloured hair. Do you think that’s what Bonnie’s looks like?’

You think about it for a moment. ‘Don’t know. Might do, especially if she likes being ginger. Why don’t you text her and ask?’

Emma stares at you, caught between lust and exasperation. ‘You know I can’t possibly,’ she says, although you think you detect a hint of regret in her voice. ‘I mean… no, I can’t!’

‘Maybe at the party tomorrow,’ you suggest wickedly. ‘Drop it into conversation. Go round the room or something.’

Emma actually looks tempted. ‘I can’t even imagine how many drinks we’d need to have consumed before that felt like acceptable party conversation.’

‘I’d love to find out.’ Then you remember the game. ‘Anyway! So, you’re choosing to fuck Bonnie. Hopefully her cunt looks like that, but either way, you know you love her boobs, so that’ll definitely be a good night. Who’s next?’

Emma actually winces as you flick between the two remaining tabs. ‘God, I don’t know. They’re my friends, remember… this is really hard!’

‘Marry or kill,’ you remind her, still swapping between the pictures of Katie and Evanna. ‘You can only save one, sweetheart. And you didn’t want to marry Bonnie, so…’

Emma looks guilty. ‘Well,’ she says defensively, ‘it was only ever skin-deep with Bonnie. I mean, she’s lovely, and we get on really well, but… I can’t exactly see us working as a couple.’

You have to laugh. ‘Fair enough. So the other two are still in the running, then?’

‘Maybe…’ Emma studies the photos again, deep in thought. ‘I think… oh, but if I do that, I’ll have to kill Katie! And I like Katie, I really do!’

You have to disentangle that one. ‘If you’re killing Katie,’ you say out loud, ‘are you marrying Evanna?’

‘Yes! No… wait, I don’t know!’ Emma sighs. ‘Fine, yes, I am, then. Happy?’

You let the cursor creep over the X mark on Katie’s tab? ‘Sure? No take-backs? You’re murdering poor, sad, gorgeous Katie Leung?’

Emma locks eyes with you. ‘You’re an evil, evil bastard,’ she says simply, before giggling and pressing your finger down herself.

Katie Leung vanishes into the ether, and you’re looking at Evanna (and Evanna’s legs) again. ‘Emma and Evanna? Yeah, that totally works. I can see the wedding invitations now.’

Emma smiles reluctantly. ‘Don’t tempt me, all right? Or I may just decide a woman is far less trouble and abandon you.’

You twist to stifle her next words with a kiss, savouring Emma’s lips until she’s panting and laughing. ‘Let me breathe! Okay, fine. I promise I won’t go full lesbian on you.’

‘A little bit lesbian is fine,’ you tell her, also breathing heavily. ‘But, yeah, I draw the line at you marrying your co-star.’

‘But I have to marry her,’ Emma points out reasonably. ‘In the game. Sorry, Katie…’ She giggles unexpectedly. ‘I don’t know. I just have more in common with Evanna, I think. And I love her accent. And I bet she’d be amazing at sex.’

Your eyebrows shoot up. ‘Oh, really? Why’s that?’

Emma blushes prettily. ‘She’s Irish,’ she says simply. ‘And Irish girls have more fun. Everybody knows that.’

You don’t dispute it, leaning back into the pillows. ‘So…’ You run your fingers up Emma’s side, feeling her breath rise and fall. ‘How would you fuck Bonnie? Justify your decision.’

Emma’s mouth falls open slightly. ‘Oh, come on! That’s not part of the game!’

‘I’m changing the rules,’ you tell her lazily. ‘Pray I do not change them further.’

Emma narrows her eyes at you. ‘Oh, fuck off, Darth.’

You’re impressed she caught the reference. ‘Please? Then you can pick out three for me, if you want. I’ll tell you my reasons after…’