An Unmitigated Disaster

John and Jenny exited the barrier near his neighborhood, and Jenny yawned again. “I don’t wanna decide which first,” she buried her face in his shoulder as she said it.

“Well, I can tell you what I vote for,” John joked as he straightened her up, though he was internally screaming and desperately trying not to somehow mess this up.

“I’m going to decide when my head hits the pillow,” Jenny stated with a pensive frown, cutely and exaggeratedly leaning on John for support. John straightened her up again, and she immediately leaned on him again. “I’m sleepy,” Jenny complained with a pout, “just let me lean on you.”

“Fine,” he reluctantly agreed, and Jenny immediately began leaning on him again, grabbing his arm even though this makes it look like I’m taking a drunk girl home.

Together, they walked directly into a trap for the umpteenth time.

Warning! You have been pulled into a trap barrier! Defeat all enemies to escape!

Jenny straightened up immediately and in one fluid motion slid her bass out of its case and into her arms. John instinctively fell back into the Gun-Kata pose, hands held in front of him, legs tensed to spring into action, and his eyes darted around as he searched for skeletons.

“Not this again,” Jenny complained with a stifled yawn as she looked around, slightly sluggish. Despite the trap, there were no enemies in sight and none on his stealth indicator. John used Spy on the barrier to gauge its population.

Unnamed Trap Barrier
Level: 40
Population: 3

“There’s only one thing in here with us,” he whispered to Jenny as they pressed their backs against each other. David materialized in his incorporeal form on John’s shoulder.

“Just one? Maybe this trap was for someone else, and they’ve already escaped.” She relaxed slightly at the prospect and stretched out a little.

“I doubt it, it was directly in our path after all. I hope Keith was right when he guessed normal people wouldn’t be attacked. Can you tell how far this barrier reaches?” John asked as he felt a shiver run up his spine, and violently jerked his head to the side, but saw nothing.

“At least as far as we can see. Whoever made this has some serious balls, a necromancer in the same town as those crusader types, attacking people so,” Jenny paused to yawn again, and her eyes momentarily skewed upward at the same time, “so… I can’t think of the right word, brashly?”

“That sounds right,” John replied as his hands floated down to his guns, and he gripped them, partially for comfort, partially to quickdraw if he needed to. His indicator jumped up to one, and a green ball of fire, almost ethereal in nature, sailed silently toward him from above. A Disrupting Blast dissipated it before it could reach him.

Disrupting Blast Level 2!

“Alright, we’re getting attacked, we have to move,” he said, despite not having seen the attacker in the slightest. The indicator moved back down to zero, and they backed up to the wall of one of the distorted houses. The barrier was an exact copy of where they had been, just with everything slightly skewed.

“How are they getting the power to make barriers anyway? I didn’t think necromancers and fateweavers mixed,” Jenny idly commented as John’s stealth indicator jumped to thirty.

“My counter just jumped up, there are thirty things in here with us now.” John panicked as skeletons stampeded from every side. Backyards, houses, there seemed to be no discretion between where they came from.

Jenny began playing immediately, and they all crumpled to dust, “You suck my blood like a leech, you break the law and you preach, screw my brain till it hurts, you've taken all my money and you want more…”

“You’ll have to do better than that!” Jenny called out to nobody in particular, but John noticed her eyes were still droopy. “Screw this, I’m calling Keith,” she said as she took her phone out and dialed his number. At that moment, John noticed a tiny fireball soaring toward her from behind. He leapt over her and tried to take care of it with Disrupting Blast, but he wasn’t fast enough, and it hit her phone, knocking it out of her hand and melting the insides.

“Aw man. Do you even know how hard it is to get a phone that’ll connect to the outside world in barriers?” Jenny complained as another volley of fire was sent towards her. She backpedaled and resumed her song, decimating the fire before it could reach her. “You never had a heart... of your own.”

Rising from the ground was something akin to an eldritch horror. Greyed and rotting bones formed its face, which was framed by a hood. The middle of it was melted, and its face was crooked. Horns shot out from its head. Horns of the devil, twisted and spiraling, looping back to its face. The rest of its dirty, decayed body was hidden inside a filthy black cloak except for its hands, which burned with a green, cold fire. Smoke rose off them and curled; the sickening stench of decay and the abominable sight in front of him was enough to make John retch. He shakily used Spy on the creature.

Boss Monster!
Elder Lich, Level 40
100/100 HP
2950/4000 MP
Hundreds of years ago, a great wizard plead with a Necromancer to bind his intellect and consciousness to an immortal vessel. After a decade of hatred and rejection, the man went mad and begged to be killed. His will broken, the Necromancer uses him for her own deeds. He has no will of his own and only follows commands. The only reason you can see this is because the Necromancer didn’t expressly forbid it.
Common: $10,000 - Uncommon: Staff of Lesser Mass Raise Undead, Lich Skull, Unholy Fire (Bottled) - Rare: Necromantic Fire (Bottled), Bone Charm of Greater Intellect - Epic: Unholy Fire (Spellbook), Attunement (Spellbook), Cloak of Phasing - Legendary: Staff of Greater Mass Raise Undead, Phylactery, Vial of Refilling - Unique: Morne’s Tower

“Fall to her,” the Lich said as two more gouts of fire launched themselves at John and Jenny. Jenny began playing again, but it was a losing battle. She was tired, sluggish, and weaker than it. She dodged out of the way at the last second, the flames singeing the t-shirt she had changed into after her performance. They clung to her shirt like water, and she had to shuck it before it could spread, leaving her in her bra and shorts.

“I don’t know how we’re going to get out of this one, Johnny,” Jenny commented as they both dodged two more streams of flame, causing all the facsimiles of houses around them to crumble to dust. John used the Duck Call in a useless attempt to distract the Lich for some sort of opening, but all the ducks were incinerated before they could get close, and the Duck Call cracked and glowed green once more, signifying it had registered the use. David, don’t you dare come out. This is more dangerous than anything we’ve fought yet. Stay inside, John thought as he flipped over and around the flames.

“I think we can incapacitate him if we both use nullifying magic on him. From his description, it seems like his entire body is practically a spell,” John replied as the flames licked at his Robe of Elemental Protection. The robe managed to resist glancing blows from the flames, but when John dove in front of Jenny to prevent her from getting consumed, he had to cast it off as the flames spread.

“Do you know the tune of ‘We Will Rock You’?” Jenny asked as John drew his gun and fired at the Lich, but his bullets were stopped by the fire. They had no chance.

“Sure, why, do you want me to clap to that? Will Disrupting Blast even combine with your magic like that?” John asked as Jenny began to stand still, repelling the flames with her bass again.

“It’s worth a shot, come on! I can’t hold him back forever!” Jenny said as the Lich focused both streams of fire on her and her soundwaves were pushed back. The fire threatened to engulf her before John began to use Disrupting Blast with her.

“Buddy you’re a boy makin’ big noise playin’ in the street gonna be a big man someday, you got mud on your face. You big disgrace. Kickin’ your can all over the place singin’” Jenny began, and it seemed to be equal. The flames stopped advancing, and the Lich roared in frustration.

Synergy discovered! Combine “Disrupting Blast” with “Nullifying Waves” to double their strength!

“With me John!” Jenny called out as they began the chorus, the flames beginning to advance again.

“We will, we will, rock you! We will, we will, rock you!” The flames equalized with the sound once more. It’d be beautiful if it weren’t so deadly John thought as their cone of unseen **** pierced through the emerald fire.

Disrupting Blast Level 3!

“Buddy you’re a young man, hard man shoutin’ in the street ‘gonna take on the world some day’ you got blood on your face. You big disgrace. Wavin’ your banner all over the place singin’” Jenny continued, and the fire actually began to retreat toward the Lich. However, John could tell that she was putting her all into it, and so was he. They were both already getting low on mana, and John didn’t know how long they could continue.

“We will, we will, rock you! We will, we will rock you!” the Lich was beginning to get overwhelmed, but John and Jenny were getting tired. He was reaching the end of his mana bar. Despite this, he pressed on as the Lich growled in defiance.

“Buddy you're an old man poor man, Pleadin' with your eyes gonna make you some peace someday. You got mud on your face. Big disgrace. Somebody betta put you back into your place, singin” John was at the end of his mana, and Jenny was similarly exhausted. John quickdrew his guns and fired at the Lich while the flames were still suppressed, but it didn’t matter.

Without his strength to add to Jenny’s, the flames returned in full ****. Jenny kept playing stubbornly in a vain attempt to keep them back. They surged toward the couple, and John shoved Jenny out of the way and closed his eyes as he dodged back… so he didn’t see Keith run in front of him.

Keith ran straight into the flames, his skin once more stone. His steps left small indents in the ground as he totally ignored the flames, eyes set on the Lich. He took a vial from his belt that contained a midnight blue liquid that moved similarly to the metal mercury, and smashed it onto the Lich’s skull.

Immediately, all the Lich’s magic stopped. This gave Keith the opportunity he needed to smash its skull in with a single wound-up punch, as it couldn’t phase away. Since John hadn’t dealt any damage, he hadn't received any experience, nor did any loot spawn, since somebody not in his party killed it. The Lich simply melted away into nothingness.

“So,” Keith started as he cracked his knuckles, and his skin slowly transformed back to normal,