Sir Wombatton the third

“G’day, mates! Crikey, it’s a bloody scorcher today!” came a cheery voice as they walked around the boulder.

John and Cynthia looked upon the strange creature sitting behind a huge barbeque. It was big, it was round, and it wore a tophat and monocle.

Observe!

“When you’re done checking if I’ll eat you, come join me here in the shade,” the wombat said casually.

John did not know what was more ridiculous: the fact that it was a talking wombat or that it was barbecuing in the middle of nowhere.

“Name’s Sir Wombatton the third, spirit of nature, protector of the outback and eater of snags,” the fancy wombat proudly spoke, putting a beer to his muzzle and drinking in big gulps; the sight of a wombat, with tophat, drinking beer completely offset his fancy appearance. “What brings a sheila and a bloke to my little corner of the world?” he asked after crumpling the can and tossing it into a burrow behind him.

“Ehm, I’m John, this is Cynthia… We work for Artemis?” John said a little apprehensively. This entire thing was weird, even by his standards.

“Well then, John, I will ask once more, would you join me here in the shade?” Wombatton gestured with his spatula at the smaller boulders near the barbeque.

As John was about to decline, the wombat spotted a cocokaburra flying their way. “One second,” he said, gesturing them with his spatula to sit down.

John and Cynthia saw how the big wombat rose to his hind legs, focusing its eyes on the bird, and then a flash of light shot from the monocle, disintegrating the bird within seconds.

The two young hunters looked each other in the eye, then quickly and politely sat down. One thing was clear: Sir Wombatton the third was strong.

“Damn flapbirds coming here and trying to steal my snags,” the wombat muttered, turning the sausages on the barbecue.

“So, John ‘the Gamer’ Newman, Cynthia Doukas, how did you wind up on the other side of the planet in an illusion barrier, hm?” the wombat said casually, looking them both in the eyes with a mirthless chuckle.

“How?” John wondered perplexed.

“Spirit of the outback, that’s what it said in your observe window right? Well, I’m aware of everything that happens around here. Well, most things,” the wombat shrugged which was in fact just a wiggle of his fat shoulders.

“I created an illusion barrier outside the Hunters’ camp; it brought us here,” John said softly.

“Ah, like that, yeah, Gaia does that sometimes, crazy old bat. Well, welcome to Straya, or as you wogs call it, Australia.” The wombat chuckled opening up another beer.

“So, John, you get quests right? What do you say about helping a poor ol’ Aussie out and killing the leader of those annoying flapbirds? If you make it so that I can hold my barbie in peace, I will give you a reward of my own, and maybe a snag or two, I’m not a stingy cunt.”

John felt a headache coming up, why did he feel like he was being used as a pinball in the pinball machine of fate?

“We would love to, we just don’t know where the boss is or how to get there,” Cynthia answered for them, nodding at John that it was okay.

“If he wanted to kill us, we would be dead by now, and he is even offering us food. I mean, okay, I just think he is adorable and I want to pet him so let's agree okay?” Cynthia asked with a pleading look.

John, keeping in mind that Cynthia was actually starting to like him, agreed. “Sure, I mean, we need to kill it anyway if we want to get out of here. So why not?” He shrugged, seeing the wombat smile widely, which was a weird sight, with that mass of fat in his face pull apart to reveal a large row of teeth.

“Splendid. Just follow the burrow behind me and you will find your way to the wanker’s nest. Kill him, then return here so we can have a proper gab, snag and beer.”

The fancy wombat stepped aside, revealing a long corridor behind him hewn into the rocks.

“But, there is nothing behind those rocks!” John finally cried out.

“Welcome to the Abyss, Mr. Newman,” the wombat echoed the words of a certain warden.

John and Cynthia walked into the corridor, both having an arrow at the ready. After about five minutes of walking through the cramped tunnel, they saw light at the end of the corridor, the horrid laughter of cocokaburrass already there to greet them. When they finally got out they stepped into a big, arena like structure. Up above, the blue sky could be seen, surrounded by rock wall. On the numerous ridges, groups of cocokaburras were sitting, sleeping or eating.

“Well, we found their nest at least,” John whispered to Cynthia, staying low behind one of the nearby rocks, not wanting to enrage the entire swarm and just, you know, die.

“Which one do you think is the boss?” Cynthia asked, scanning the nearby ridges.

“I have no idea. Well, I guess we should look for the biggest one.” John decided to use game logic, size meant strength.

As they were scanning the cliffs, the sound of the cocokaburra’s slowly died down, and a shadow came from the sky, the slow ‘woosh, woosh’ of beating wings echoing through the nesting area. Cynthia and John looked up at the sky, spotting a huge black and white bird lowering itself to the ground, a loud thud sounding out when it finally came down about five hundred meters away from them

Observe!

“Well, the good news is we found the boss. The bad news is that it’s strong,” John hissed, seeing the gigantic magpie start to peck at the ground, the cocokaburras starting to fly down one by one, depositing some sort of food on the floor in front of it before making their way back to the ridges.

(Author's note: I have made it to full author, all thanks to the constant help from aVeryHotApplepie(who branched from Fun's 13th chapter and is also immortalized as a wombat) and TheDespaxas. I am eternally grateful to these and all the others that have helped me. Such as Nateward who photoshopped a picture for reference(visible in the discord) I hope we will make some great things happen! On to the boss fight!)