You go to confess your sins

Near the end of the semester, I finally decided I needed to talk to the pastor.

I’d been going to the church group regularly for weeks, and I’d actually started feeling like I was making some positive changes. My routine was better, my head felt clearer, and I was spending more time thinking about the kind of person I wanted to be.

But there was still one thing I hadn’t dealt with.

What I’d done.

So one afternoon, I drove to the church.

I sat in my car for a minute after I parked, staring through the windshield.

I was nervous.

I’d never really done anything like this before. Part of me wondered whether I should just leave and forget about it.

Instead, I got out and walked inside.

The church was quiet. I made my way toward the pastor’s office and knocked before opening the door.

“Pastor?”

I stopped.

Rachel was sitting behind the desk.

She looked up and smiled.

“Oh, hey, Ethan.”

“Hey.”

I glanced around.

“Is Pastor here?”

“He actually had to run a couple of errands for the church. He shouldn’t be gone too long.”

She noticed that I hadn’t immediately left.

“Is there something you needed?”

I shifted awkwardly.

“Yeah. Actually.”

Rachel put down what she was working on and turned her attention completely toward me.

“What’s up?”

I took a breath.

“I was hoping I could talk to him about some things. Personal things.”

Her smile faded into a more serious expression.

“Okay.”

I nodded.

“I’ve been coming to the group for a while now, and I’ve made some changes that I’m really happy about. But there’s some stuff I’ve been carrying around that I haven’t really dealt with.”

Rachel studied my face for a moment.

“You look pretty nervous.”

I gave a small, embarrassed laugh.

“Yeah. I am.”

Her expression softened.

“You don’t have to wait for him if you’d rather talk now.”

I looked at her.

“You’d be okay listening?”

“Of course.”

She gestured toward the chair across from her.

“If you’re comfortable talking to me, I’m willing to listen.”

I sat down.

My hands were clasped together, and I could feel how nervous I was.

“I don’t really know how to start.”

“You can start wherever you want.”

I nodded slowly.

For a moment, I just stared at the floor.

Then I finally looked up.

“I’ve done some things I’m not proud of.”

Rachel didn’t interrupt. She simply waited.

“I’ve been with my girlfriend for a long time. Her name is Sarah. We’ve talked about getting married after college.”

Her expression remained gentle.

“And I’ve cheated on her.”

The words felt heavier once I’d actually said them aloud.

Rachel’s face changed.

Her eyebrows drew together slightly, and she took a slow breath. She looked genuinely saddened, not angry.

I continued.

“It happened more than once.”

She lowered her eyes for a moment, processing what I’d said.

“I kept telling myself I was just trying to enjoy my last year of college. I’d spent so much time with my head down, focusing on school and everything else. Then I started going out more, meeting people, and…”

I shook my head.

“I crossed lines I knew were there.”

Rachel’s expression remained serious.

“Did you want to tell Sarah?”

The question caught me off guard.

“I don’t know.”

She nodded slowly.

“I understand. If you don’t want to tell her, you can tell me what happened. How it happened and how it made you feel.”

There wasn’t condemnation in her voice, but there wasn’t an easy reassurance either.