You listen

I sat toward the back of the room and listened.

The group wasn’t what I’d expected. It was pretty relaxed. People talked about their weeks, classes, relationships, and the usual struggles that came with being a college student.

Eventually, the conversation shifted toward faith and the choices people made when nobody else was watching.

That caught my attention.

I leaned back in my chair and listened as different students shared their experiences. Nobody seemed to have everything figured out. Some talked about making mistakes. Others talked about trying to stay true to what they believed even when doing so was difficult.

I didn’t say much.

I didn’t need to.

One guy talked about how easy it was to convince yourself that something was harmless because nobody else knew about it.

I felt my stomach tighten slightly.

I stared down at the table for a moment before looking back up.

He wasn’t talking about me. He didn’t know anything about me.

Still, the words landed differently than I expected.

The conversation moved on, and I continued listening.

For the first time since Halloween, I let myself think about what I’d actually done without trying to push it aside or explain it away.

I hadn’t gone to the group looking for absolution.

I wasn’t even sure what I was looking for.

But sitting there quietly, surrounded by people who didn’t know anything about me, felt strangely easier than trying to sort everything out alone.