Keep it a secret

I sit there for a while, but my thoughts aren’t really focused on whether I should tell Jeff. Instead, I keep thinking about what I just saw—and about the strange familiarity of it. I’d already crossed that line with Maya, more than once, and instead of the guilt getting stronger, something unexpected had happened: I’d started enjoying the secrecy, the excitement, and the feeling of doing something completely outside the life I’d planned for myself.

Seeing Ariana with Chase makes me realize how far I’ve already drifted from the person I thought I’d be when I arrived on campus. Part of me is almost fascinated by the situation rather than horrified by it. There’s something about secrets, knowing something nobody else knows, that has started to feel strangely exciting.

I glance over at Jeff, still asleep on the couch. I decide not to wake him.

Maybe I should tell him. Maybe I shouldn’t. But honestly, I’m not thinking about that anymore. I’m thinking about how complicated this year has already become—and how, despite everything, some part of me is enjoying the chaos.

I quietly head toward my bed, leaving the secret where I found it.