Scenes From A Destination Wedding Weekend, Part 1: Breakfast Squid?

The Show-Runner

A brief interrupt from the narrative. The next indeterminate number of publications will be part of the Andy wedding mega-crossover event. The main story for the crossover is on XarHD’s The HH branch. A link to the wedding arc will be found below, and will serve as my citation for The HH. Links to other branches will be provided as the gang(s) interact. A complete list of branches and characters involved is here, should you be interested. A warning: these chapters are going to be a little staff heavy, as they are the ones that have the stronger connection to Andy and his companions. Do not worry, for Mona and some of her companions will also be around.

Mona

Mona wakes up in a very different circumstance than when she went to bed. She seems to be on a boat? Specifically, a big circular bed on the deck of a big boat. A gentle breeze blows across her naked body, covered in dried semen from last night. Blue and green canvas provides some shade from the early morning sun. The wood of the boat is silvery, which is a strange color for wood to be. The sound of oars dipping in and out of the water can be heard over the sound of waves, barely. Mona feels... a little bit unsteady. And very, very exposed.

So, expecting an immediate answer, Mona bellows out with Thaumaturgy, “TYALANGAN!!!!!”

The sea elf doesn’t answer. The rock girl from the challenge (Scarlet?) does. “She’s steering the ship right now, Mona. Were you needing something in particular?”

“Explanation and clothes. Now.”

The rock girl holds up a bathrobe, noting, “On the far end of the bay, my wife set up our set’s equivalent of our entrance to the network backstage, behind a whole slew of wards and defenses. We rarely use it, but Little Miss didn’t want us all trampling about in her store’s stockroom. Also, she is quite cross with our Producer, given she let a contestant from a different season run roughshod through her stockroom. We are going to Andy’s wedding today. When we get back, you’ll find yourself waking up in your bed and we will deal with everything that happened last night then.”

Things... happened? Mona takes the bathrobe handed to her and covers herself up. She follows the rock-girl down into the below deck of the ship. A quick shower in a ship’s head later, and a different maid than she expected is laying out some clothes for her. She looks like a bustier version of Winter. When she turns, Mona stares at her exposed cleavage before the cough comes and she forces herself to look into those irritated eyes.

“Uh, hi?”

“Some options for the party today, Mistress,” the lilac skinned maid declares, an edge to her voice.

“Summer, give my horny gremlin of a mistress a break!” Winter shouts from another room.

With a “fine” and a roll of her eyes, she gestures towards the clothes and gets out of the way. Mona slips on her underwear, a comfy Wai-Fu Quest t-shirt, some pantyhose to help hold back her pudginess, a cute frilly skirt, and some sneakers. Some light makeup applied later, and she heads to the waiting room where she heard Winter’s voice coming from.

“Hey, Mona,” Kevin greets, “You know why I am here? I thought you would have picked someone else...”

Mona shrugs, unsure herself. Still, she gives Kevin a smile and answers, “I am happy to hang out with my bud.”

Kevin is dressed in a (sexy tight) polo and khakis. Winter and Summer are in matching clothes (Soooo cute!). And, Jenny is here, looking rough in a pale sundress? Mona scoots over, asking, “Hey, are you going to be okay?”

Jenny’s brave face doesn’t match the emotions Mona reads in her eyes. “Nightmares were extra bad last night. I’ll manage.”

“Tell me what you need, and I’ll do what I can.”

Jenny nods, allowing herself to be soothed. Mona lets her mind wander. The two members of my harem that I am least romantically involved with, plus Kevin’s boyfriend? I would think that Ootah or Tegan or Gaia would be here. Tyalangan wanting to avoid the Tegan squabbles? Jenny resting her head on Mona’s shoulder brings her back to reality. There they sit, feeling the gentle rocking of the boat, until they are called.

The rock-girl escorts all of them off the silver wood boat. The ship is moored onto a small pier on an equally small island. There is a plain door standing in the center, no wall holding the frame in place. On the other side of the open door is a very green room. Inside, Tyalangan asks, “Need you to make a decision, Daph. Time for a Restock, on or off?”

“But, Beloved, what if I want to show it off? Or, what if I can’t find the hour to spare? I can’t decide.”

Tyalangan pinches the bridge of her nose, then kisses Daphne on the cheek, “Let’s go with off then. I can turn it back on if you find the opportunity to show off?”

The mermaid beams, “Okay!”

“Okay.” The sea elf then turns to the approaching harem representatives, greeting, “Morning, Mona, kids, Jenny, Kevin. We got a busy day. Andy is a dear friend and I don’t want to cause him more stress than absolutely necessary.”

Skye, clad in only a rope bra, interrupts to wrap her children up in a big hug, “My dear children, looking all grown up!”

Mona feels a bit jealous as the twins hug their mother right back. I never had my parents do that with me.

The Host continues, “Now that I got done being my own harem’s Host, time for y’all. Be on your best behavior. While I doubt any of you will do anything to truly annoy Arabella, some of the other Hosts can be... prickly. Only transformation that needs a proper suppression is your A Gilding of a Gift, son, but I’ll turn off the cooldown on A Hippocratic Changedance, Kevin.”

Winter smirks and teases, “Aww, Mom. How am I supposed to annoy Norah now?”

“I’m sure my clever boy will find a way.”

Mona stammers, “Wait, what? You can suppress transformations?”

Tyalangan nods, “For the purposes of cross-season promotion, I am authorized to temporarily turn off transformations, like I did for a couple of Skye’s, Lady in Red for Scarlet, and Time for a Restock for Daphne. Though I am sure that Arabella will insist on refunding me the magical cost.”

Mona bugs the staff about what those transformations do as Tyalangan performs an extremely intricate knock on the door. Suddenly it opens up to a white sand beach with a gazebo in the distance. The air tastes of sea spray and a different kind of floral than the set back home. Sea gulls squawk overhead; the waves provide a rhythmic thrum in the background.

There, standing in the distance, is the redhead Arabella, not in the pixels of television episodes or of video game sprites but in the flesh. Standing behind her is a whole slew of identical staff members, awaiting for commands at perfectly frozen, unblinking attention.

Mona temporarily forgets the simmering stress of the morning. Wow! This is pretty cool!

Daphne Copse-Wood

{reveal "Author Citation"} Stacy, Tracy, and Susan are all contestants over on Harem Hotel: Haunted Castle {endreveal}

Breakfast was served at the start of the bachelorette party, much to Daphne and Alex’s satisfaction. Skye is sitting with the kids and Scarlet is busy getting the family’s wedding gifts carefully added to the pile. Scarlet tends to avoid eating with Daphne and the mermaid doesn’t know why.

Mildred brings Daphne her special order with a look of bemusement. It’s not everyday for someone to order live squid for a meal, even on a Harem Hotel set.

“From one who enjoys the sensation of feeling the flesh give into the void inside one’s gullet to another, bon appetite,” the maid states. She places the small aquarium in front of the mermaid.

“Thank you, Mildred!” Daphne exclaims. She thereupon grabs a wiggling cephalopod from the tank and chomps down on the delicious animal. Daphne pays no mind to the chairs scooting away. Alex enjoys her so-called “normal breakfast” beside her, quipping, “She’ll behave better at lunch, I swear...”

A gaggle of contestants enter, though Daphne is too busy chewing through a squid pen to notice.

Stacy, pink dog ears alert, recoils at the massacre. “What the hell?!”

“Mermaid.” Tracy tells her, as if that explains anything.

The shouting gets Daphne’s attention. And there she is. The most beautiful, perfect woman Daphne has ever seen, outside of her wives (and, if Daphne was honest with herself about it, she knows she’s thinking that because she is supposed to). “Susan!”

The mermaid casts Misty Step to both abandon her half-eaten squid and wrap the giant leaky egg sac girl in a big hug; Daphne has difficulty getting her arms around Susan; her massive mammaries are just that delightfully big. Her head sinks into Susan’s cleavage like milky quicksand, smearing squid viscera on them. The wizard squees like Tina in Aquan, causing Susan’s whole body to vibrate.

“Um, hello?” Susan says to the quivering woman, currently motorboating her messily.

“Mermaid.” Tracy says again, still not very helpfully.

“Oops, sorry. I’m just so excited!” Daphne casts Prestidigitation to clean off the breakfast mess off of those perfect egg sacs. With her biggest, shark-toothiest smile, she declares, “You’re here! Come! Sit and have breakfast with me!”

Daphne tries her best to drag Susan back towards the table where her squid breakfast awaits. Alex is shaking her head, then saying, “Dudette, let the animal-girls get their bearings. And your squid is getting... cold, I guess?”

Oh right, breakfast! Daphne Misty Steps back to her seat and sinks her teeth into more squirmy squid bits.

The Haunted Castle Trio joins her at the table after fetching breakfast from the buffet, though Tracy is the only one to do so with any sort of enthusiasm.

Talking with her mouth full, Daphne offers, “Any of you want some squid? Mildred did a good job getting them for me.” She holds out a squid from the tank, tentacles wiggling in delicious terror, for her (hopefully) new friends to eat.

“Uhm, they are still... alive?”

Daphne sighs in satisfaction, “Just like snagging them out of the ocean.”

Alex, trying to compensate for the mermaid’s lack of table manners, tries to steer the conversation away from the merits of eating still living seafood. “So, I heard you play the drums? And you do it good enough to try it professionally? That’s pretty cool, dudette.”

Susan nods, her giant leaky egg sacs wobbling to the point where Daphne gets distracted by them again. “I have got a lot of practice on our set. It’s fun. Carla and Kim are really good.”

“Yeah, I hear that, dudette. Ty will sing with me every once in a while as a date thing and she’ll watch my gigs whenever she can, but she’s always so busy. I wonder how much work it would be to expand my solo act into a band proper.”

Tracy waggles her eyebrows as she pulls out a cake box. “Now, Daphne, I have a special cake for you. You just need to promise to eat it in front of Tina.”

Daphne eyes the cake warily. It’s not shaped like crab cake... “What flavor? It’s not something gross, like that poison vegetable stuff, right?”

Tracy mischievously replies, “Oh, this is the good stuff, Daphne. I commissioned it especially for you: Squid Cake, made with real squid! The baker thought I was crazy when I asked for it, but she did it.”

Stacy once again exclaims, “What the hell?!”

Tracy once again replies, “Mermaid.” It is just as unhelpful as last time.

“It is sometimes better to imagine my sexy fish-wife as a cross between a shark and a garbage disposal unit,” Alex offers in explanation, over the pouting dogfish eyes Daphne is launching her way, “Can you imagine a shark wanting to eat a red velvet cake?”

“You try to surprise your wife with a cake on her birthday one time and... How was I to know that it’s red from some weird chocolate thing instead of from dolphin blood?”

“Read the directions?” Susan offers.

“Common sense?” Stacy retorts, trying not to gag.

“Living with your wife for 25 years, at that point?” Alex teases.

Daphne snags her present, resolving to eat it with good cheer, now that she has been assured that it does not contain any vegetables. She remembers, “Oh, I have a present for you, too! I had to leave the original in the museum, but I got you a print of the same size! Presenting the most prominent piece of the Susan Wagner Appreciation Wing in the Nimlith Grove Royal Art Gallery: Susan Herself!”

Daphne pulls the framed print out of her Inventory. A 20’ x 5’ rendition of Susan in nothing but a cowbell collar and cowprint thong, floating in a river of milk, face blissed out in orgasmic subconsciousness.

Stacy once again is incredulous. “What the hell?!”

Tracy is too busy drooling over the giant Susan painting to reply, so the pinkette’s question remains unanswered. Susan is confused, asking, “Wait… did you just say that there is a whole wing of a royal art gallery somewhere devoted to me? Why?”

“Do you not like it?” Daphne asks, lower lip quivering.

Tracy grabs at the painting like a toddler goes for a giant lollipop. “It’s perfect. Compliments to the artist.”

“You all should come visit if you ever get out of the castle! I have commissioned soooo many paintings of people cosplaying you!”

“How many?!?!?!” Stacy exclaims.

“The gallery wing is bigger on the inside than the outside. I believe the entire circuit to see every piece takes about a mile to walk?” Alex answers, shrugging.

Stacy and Susan faint simultaneously. Tracy waggles her eyebrows as she puts the painting away, somehow. She finishes her breakfast really quickly, then start to drag her girlfriends away. “Thanks, Daphne! Don’t forget to eat your cake in front of Tina!”

Daphne gives the teal-furred cat-girl a thumbs up, as if the request is perfectly normal. “Will do. Bye, new friends!”

“Daph, we need to work on your ‘normal people’ skills...” Alex groans into her cup of not salty enough black water.

“I thought I did well. Tracy seemed to like me!”

Alex shrugs. Scarlet takes a seat, having finished with her present delivery duty. I am going to make so many new friends today!