Maybe

My whole world tilted with the thoughts I hadn't even known made it into words.

I was before my goddess again.

' You wish to be able to save her, what are you willing to give to obtain that?'

'Anything '

'Very well take my blessing, go child, they need you '

---

My body, my soul, my mind, it burned.

This must have been what it felt like the first time when I blacked out.

Thankfully I held on to consciousness.

Pain didn't matter, I needed to save my friend.

The fire was nearly on her.

The knowledge of what I had to do blossomed in my mind.

' I exchange my fate for yours' a simple battle prayer.

But one with a powerful effect, I was in mid-air now, falling Towards the dragon like Kay had been a second ago.

Kay was now where I was, confused but safer.

I could already feel the heat of the heat trying to catch my clothes alight.

I had to be quick before it caused real damage.

Had I my old body, my reaction time would be just slow enough to fail here.

'The ICE of the firmament is my shield' a beautiful Shield, of blue and gold, bigger than my body was now in my arms.

I didn't even feel the dragon's breath as it was broke apon The Shield.

It hit the damn thing on the head when I fell, I rolled with the impact, scrambled to my feet, and stood before a confused but angry dragon.

'The water that carves mountains is my sword'

The sword I now held above my head was large, but the most important thing was the crurning surface of it, like it held an ocean.

I wasn't close enough to reach the creature with the blade, but I knew I didn't need to be.

The blade fell like an Executioner's ax and the Beast 's skull was split open.

With an exhausted Huff I turned to look for, and hopefully see, my friend safe, but also knowing there is still another wounded dragon out that direction.

I needn't have worried, Kay had finished the work I'd started.

Every one of her daggers and throwing knives was embedded in the Beast, including her hold out push daggers.

I sent her a smile before turning to the girl I rescued. "you o-"

---

Next thing I knew we were at camp, it was night time and I could hear talking right outside the tent.

I crawled out looking for answers.

"So I doubt they'll have a problem -" Kay was mid sentence when she saw me, "oh look if it isn't our hero of the hour."

"Kay, what happened... I remember dragons?"

"Yeah I hope you would remember, you killed one by yourself and half killed one with me. I was hoping you would remember enough to tell me how."

"We'll talk about that later, what about her teammates?"

"Alive, they're at their own Camp down the ways, they're heading back and going to call the mission of fail."

" Why, I know how good of a Healer you are, they should be able to handle finishing."

"That's my fault" the support, I hadn't learned the name of yet, said in one of the meekest tones I've ever heard.

It immediately made every protective instinct I had flare to life.

"How can that be your fault?"

...poor thing looks agast at having spoken and scared to do so again.

It was Kay that answered, "Those two Blockheads decided they didn't want her part of their team anymore and the mission is a three person minimum."

" Again that sounds stupid, why?"

" Because I'm bad luck, I'm always bad luck. I go against the natural order, the world's soul hates me, so I bring bad luck...", her broken voice about near broke me.

"You're not bad luck, people blame bad luck on you." Kay, was trying to comfort somebody without being an asshole, I think that more surprised me than the dragons. "Shut it, dragon killer. "

"I didn't say anything."

" You were thinking it, I could see it on your stupid face, and yes I can be nice too. It's just more fun not to be." She smiled like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.

"Anyways , what type of bS did you get fed about the natural order or your luck?"

...

"If you don't want them to know I'm sure they'll respect that especially if I vouch for you. "

" They already saved me, and I would be putting them at more risk, they deserve to know, "

" I can tell them if you want. "

" Please? I-I could barely handle telling you. "

"So you know what you did, to get that nice tattoo?"

" Yeah?"

" Same thing, not as drastic, different effects, different reason, family gave her a hard time, people she came out here with felt the same way."

" Fair enough, You vouch for her? "

"Yes."

"OK then."

" That's it? It's OK? I'm a curse upon my allies!"

"Considering me and Kay made our partnership on the grounds of us both being fuck up Misfits? Yeah we're fine. If you want to share more later you can, but you don't have to."

"Thanks" the quiet sincere voice it was delivered with, I knew everything I just went through was worth it.

It meant whatever other problem Kay was about to drop on me would be worth it too.

"Don't mention it, so Kay, I know that look, what else is going on."

" I offered to let her team up with us, I hope you don't mind."

"Kay you know why we don't partner with more people right?"

The sad look of acceptance on the new girl's face made me feel like an ass, but there was a good reason we didn't.

" Yeah and she's already seen enough to be a problem if she wanted to be, considering she's more like us than other people, I say we give her a shot."

" Okay but if I get stabbed in the back over this, I get to tell you 'I told you so' forever."

"That's fair, so you want to introduce yourself? "

"I'm Raquel, you can call me Roxy, I worship the winter aspect of a god of storms, I run support with ranged ice attacks and minor healing effects, well they're not quite healing more I can slow down the damage from affecting you so you can either keep fighting or get help. "

" Cool somebody that will actually pick a position and stay in it, "

At Roxy's questioning look I decided to clarify.

" Both me and Kay have a tendency to play Frontline and backline. Kay does it because she's a lunatic and I do it because I can."

" Yeah yeah go screw yourself V"

" Hey just because you got A one syllable name doesn't mean I like mine being reduced to one." We had had this argument before, well it was more banter.

" It'll be easier if you go by V otherwise you're going to have to answer more questions she's going to have." her eyes started down towards my body and for the first time I looked at myself since waking up.

"Oh, yeah that might make things a tad confusing.

I'm going to not deal with that right now.

Nice to meet you Roxy I am V, I run Frontline with the weapons I summon, and play healer when needed."

" Gah! If you're going to Spill the Beans about being a Healer you might as well tell her the rest. "

" I thought you said she saw enough already to know. "

" She saw the weird bullshit you did teleporting me and then hitting that dragon with two fuck-off artifact weapons, that you somehow pulled out of your ass.

By the way when were you going to tell me you could do that. "

" Shit , uh, fuck, can we all forget the last 15 minutes just happened?"

They both looked at each other and shared something between them and then looked me dead in the eyes, "no""no"

" I know when I'm out voted, also if you think I should trust her... fine let's put that to the test, I met my God again,"

" I assumed, when?"

" During the fight, I made a plea, I saw you about to die... I begged. Then I saw her, she asked me what I was willing to sacrifice."

"What did you give up, you didn't have anything on you. "

I gestured at my changing body, small Mounds hidden under the bandage wraps, Kay likely did that to try protecting my modesty, and my secret.

"Anything, I think we can both tell what she decided, you're important to me Kay I couldn't lose you, "

"You! Ahh grrrr!" Her face flushed with anger and she stomped out of the camp.

I continued my explanation for the new girl but I kept it brief, "I wanted something beyond what was planned for me and I succeeded, but there was a price to pay, anywhere besides the frontier, if they found out the truth would have me arrested and either exiled or killed, I can heal and I can fight, without sacrificing one for the other."

" Like me, but worse, she wasn't exaggerating."

" No, Kay's normally a pretty straight shooter, unless she's teasing you "

" What did Saving my team cost you? "

" Your team and you didn't cost me anything I paid this price for my best friend. "

" But she was only in danger because of us."

"No, we chose to help, don't take that from us. For good or for ill we made that choice." My arms wrapped around my now faster changing body.

" What did it cost you. " For being so meek, she was insistent. Determined to heap more guilt on herself.

" I'll tell you, but only if you tell me what your reason was and what the effect was. "

" If thats what's required... where I come from those of us who want to make pacts have very little choice, certain families make certain pacts, men get one women have another.

I wanted something neither of their options allowed.

So I found a God, a lost one that was worshiped before the current rulers controlled everything in our lands. "

" What did you want that made you search out into the past like that? "

She took a deep breath, like answering this would cost her something precious, "I wanted to be feminine, I didn't want the path laid out for men and they wouldn't let me be on the one for women. So I found a lost god that only took women followers and hoped it would work, having seen bodies change to suit gods before."

"ohhhhh" I was understanding better why Kay thought she would fit in.

"Sadly the job's only half done, that's what they meant by unnatural, I'm hoping that someday I'll find a way to continue my ascension so my God can finish, but until then I'll enjoy what I can, even if it costs me, I no longer feel suffocated trying to be someone I'm not. So I ask again what did it cost you?"

" You already know some of it but my body is going to change for the use that my God desires, I won't be the man I was born as much longer, what scares me the most is that with each day the fear and unease go away, not because I'm coming to terms but because it's being made to go away.

Making that deal mid battle accelerated it.

But if it lets me be the type of person I always wanted, it was well worth it."

"When you closed your eyes and imagined what you wanted, what did you see. "

She was asking me to fully picture and articulate this one, I'd never had before, at least not outside my head.

The words would be difficult to nail, translating my ideas and feelings never came easy.

So I closed my eyes and tried to remember the first time I felt this calling,"I wanted to be able to heal like my mother and to defend like my father, no, not like my father, he always used a war hammer, all the men of my family did... I was always imagining myself with a claymore or a great sword.... like my 'aunt' ?"

"Tell me about her, "

"We weren't really related but I knew her through stories and images they captured of their Adventures.

She would fight side by side with my father and uncle then tend to wounded using mundane medicine beside my mother.

She would weep when she failed to save somebody, lamenting having to choose the sword or healing at a young age, Wishing she could have done both.

Having learned healing the mundane way between missions as a way to make up for it.

I remember emphasizing with that sorrow so much when I heard the story, something clicked and I knew what I wanted out of life.

But none of the Gods or Goddesses of our land could offer that, even your own abilities are closer than anything offered to me... or her."

"So you never wanted to be your mother or your father you wanted to be her, you wanted to be the fulfillment of that dream."

" I guess I did, "

" Then don't stress over your body, it sounds like it's going to become closer to your desire than you thought you could get, even if it's a little scary, celebrate it. "

" You thought about this type of stuff a lot haven't you? "

" Yeah."

" I don't think I'll have a choice but to celebrate it, my Goddess seems determined I'm OK with it, not being ok with being ok is the problem.

Just don't like feeling like my thoughts are private anymore.

Kay is trying to help, in her own brash way, before all this she was already threatening to take me out shopping for better clothes and armor, trying to convince me to not hide, I doubt I'll Escape that fate now, ha"

It was my luck Kay had come back to Camp to hear the end of my statement, and not announce herself until it was too late.

" Glad you've accepted it already, I won't have to Badger you so much, can't let my best friend run around with bandages instead of at least a sports bra."

Roxy's giggle made my face turn red with embarrassment "Now we don't have to go that far, like maybe get rid of the cloak and then just another set of my normal clothes, just tailored to the right size?? "

" No. Me, you, and Roxy are going for a girls day, we are going to get some new clothes, celebrate being a new team, and then we're going to probably get drunk and crash at your place. Im tired of my best friend being angry about not being angry because they thought too hard about their thoughts!"

" I should have just let the dragons get us. "

" Quit being such a crybaby you'll love it. "