Nobody says....

I think about that as I tour my upgraded ship. Not only can she not kill me, but she has to keep me alive? I come back from the dead, so it can't be my destiny that triggers the order. Which means… I part my boobs and stare at my currently flat stomach for a moment, “You have a job to do at some point that got the big guy's attention, then?”

“Oh, please, I can let you die, no problem,” that smooth, sweet, evil voice from my nightmares whispers in my mind.

“Give it up, Life,” I shake my head, “your brother is under orders to be honest with me. You're stuck with me for the next nine months. But you might want to hang around longer than that.”

“Why would I want to hang around such a worthless waste of metal? You're a disgrace to AIs, a…” I tune her out as I use Quicken Spell to cast a Spheres effect: Supreme Resurrection, from Life. The spell points are free for me, so I also spend the extras to make it count as a Wish or Miracle: One full round action, and there's a naked hunk in front of me.

Oh, man, those spindly pale arms, those amazing warts, that ruggedly handsome bent nose, that colossal three centimeter pecker, he's a perfect Adonis! Wait… “****, help?”

”...son?” Life whispers in my mind as I find myself sucking on that wonderful man meat to bring it to attention as the Adonis groggily sits up.

The perfect male specimen looks down at me with his amazing mismatched eyes and speaks in his flawless, ragged and screechy voice, “You're not Mom… oh. Not again… stupid contract, stupid me for signing it… ooh, that feels good…”

I get him hard soon enough, then shift my clothes over to my shadow and mount him to get to the main event of baby-making while my head itches.

“Oh, sorry…” **** whispers in my head, a meaningless distraction, “...his contract is still valid. You're immune to a lot, but a diabolic contract is just shy of Divine in nature. You'll be free of it once he… umm… gets you pregnant? But you're already…” the annoying creepy voice is confused.

“She's only a little pregnant,” the annoying smooth voice answers the other one as I start sliding up and down, rubbing back and forth, that divine rod on that beautiful hunk of the manliest man ever filling me up, “the zygote hasn't implanted yet, and it's not my son's, so as far as the contract is concerned, she's not. And he's my son, so she'll end up with fraternal twins when she makes him go off inside.” Ugh, all this TALKING. Can't they see I'm making a baby with the most perfect specimen of manliness ever?

“Ah,” the masculine annoying voice continues, “Should we worry about…”

“Yeah. Things are too similar,” the female annoyance completes, “no stopping it now, though… my champion abandoned me a few minutes ago, so I can't tell him to interrupt, I have to wait for a nearby priest to go to sleep to mention it to them, and feelings of dread aren't going to get any run of the mill worshippers here in time… not that anyone but a Champion could do anything. How in the Abyss did you…” Oh, she's going quiet… ooh, and his manly meat is starting to twitch inside!

“Look, he was Dad's pick,” the omega male chats as I ride the obvious alpha, I mean… this guy has NO muscle and ALL the flab. What could possibly be more fit? That dark-skinned body builder? Hah! Don't make me laugh. “You were there when I gave him the Blessing. This is what he did with it. And honestly, even if I withdrew it at this point, which I won't, we still couldn't stop him - the Blessing gave him access, he's still going to have what he chose without it. And he's going to be coherent in a little bit, your son looks like he's about to blow.”

Best news I've heard all day! “Give me your babies!” I scream as I'm filled with the universe's most precious substance, my body responding as… as… as I finally process what everyone was actually saying and look in horror at the pathetic dweeb that is starting to go soft inside me.

“Sorry,” the pathetic, crater-faced young man cringes, “this is NOT what I wanted, but I'm stuck with it.”

“Not like she gave you much choice…” **** chuckles dryly.

“I'm talking about the contract itself, uncle,” I get up off the young man as he sticks his foot in his mouth, “I absolutely wanted to bang women as hot as this Venus,” I glare at him, and he cringes and continues, “...but I was expecting it to change ME into someone a woman would want, not…” he shakes his head, “...not make me into a mind-controlling **** monster.”

I pause, and tilt my head as the half-divine child's face starts to soften, “ah… I do hate to interrupt, but… Life, ****, mind filling me in on that ‘too similar' thing?”

“Lycanthropy,” Life answers without her usual sneering tone as the boy in the ground loses all his warts, “My curse upon you, his inheritance from my domain, and the nature of his diabolic contract line up too closely. The divine energies got a bit tangled up and are taking on a life of their own.”

“In a moment he's going to finish his first change, a new natural lycanthrope,” **** sounds tired, “Life's twisted blessing making you an irresistible woman, his diabolic contract making him irresistible, and his inheritance making him an incredible breeder, well…” **** sighs, “...he's going to be taking on all three aspects whenever he doesn't have his emotions perfectly in check… as will you. On the plus side, this WILL void his contract, as his soul's tags won't match anymore.”

I frown, “So… he's going to be an utterly irresistible woman?” I watch as he morphs into… well, most of a copy of me, with a family resemblance to who he was.

“I have a daughter now, sometimes,” Life confirms, “who's going to get pregnant every single time she does the deed, and any male who sees her will be **** to bed her if she's not currently pregnant… and she'll be stuck as a woman while she's carrying.”

“Her lovers will join her,” **** chuckles, “it's contagious… they're curable, though, if they don't get pregnant first.”

“You two aren't,” Life groans, “Ugh, this is a mess.”

“You two?” The newly minted woman scowls as I get a feeling of dread.

“Yes,” the uncle sighs, “both of you are now natural lycanthropes. And we JUST finished wiping out the old strains….”

“That was over a thousand years ago,” Life chides, “keep your audience in mind.”

“Umm…” I consider, “...so every man I meet is going to want to…” I don't wanna say it.

“Hardly new for you,” Life chuckles, “and it's not like you haven't done it a zillion times already. At least you're not going to need to deal with it for another nine months.”

I'm feeling a bit, but… “You stopped insulting me at every turn,” I finally finger what's bugging me.

“I have my son… daughter… whatever… back. Why would I be upset?” Life laughs, “Oh, if I could just hold them in my arms…” she considers, “...ah, any chance you could get…” I hear her lips licking.

“You want your mortal lover as well?” I shrug, “I was planning on it. One little detail, though…” I trail off.

“Oh, that. Yes, I'll stop **** out my younger brother,” she pauses, “umm… if it's not too late? It's going to be a couple decades before the newly embodied souls drop dead for harvesting….”

“My champion took care of it…” **** audibly takes a breath, “...otherwise it wouldn't have been. You almost killed me. Do you have ANY idea what would have happened if I couldn't collect anyone?”

She's silent, so I begin casting as **** continues, “If I die, the system breaks down. Someone has to harvest souls, just as much as someone has to plant them. It might take longer, but taking me down would take you down, and all our brothers, sisters, and others.”

As the spell finishes, that scary voice gives me a panicked, “Wait! Not now!”